it's 4.30 am and i can't sleep

i jus couldnt. from 130am i was on my bed,tossing and turning, and the next thing i knew it's 4.30. sigh...
i just have too much things in my head, i guess. too much things up there can cause you breakdown. the last time i has a breakdown was like 4 years ago?Olevels? a night my parents wont forget. but anyway, i jus cant sleep now. am i getting emo? i guess i am. i think i'm helpless now. lost in my own dimension. my superman wont save me now.
u know wat i really need now?a really good shot of espresso and vokda. but i promised i wont. i shall keep to my word. by chance met my buddy's gf online. she was doing some project for school. they are fine now.thank god. well at least somebody i have in my circle of frens are happy. they had things gone your way. and as for me, things wont be in my way anymore. all i can do is make them in thier own way.

day 5

some of u think i forget day 4. but i didnt. cause it is day 5 now wat!so anyway, it seems like as if i live alone. ordered pizza from pizzahut for buka just now. BUT! i ordered at 545pm, they came at 720pm.aiyoh. but i dun blame them.it's raining and i'm sure they have lots of delivery for other Muslims too. so my day was slow. got a new job for me now.hee... gonna meet up the band this saturday. hopefully they are nice ppl.
meet my dearie jus now. hmmm.... wait. wat am i saying? meet him just now. pass him some stuff. thank god for the invention of cars!later, might be meeting up some old peeps. but i think might be meeting new ones too. oh well.
got class before hand. aiyah..my buddy wont be going for the second class.. looks like i'm gonna be alone. hmmm..sian ah. but its ok. better off this way lor.

still day 3.....(a recap lah!)

it was a really mysterious day.a day full of tension and nerves. but at the end of the day, everything's alright. but not me.
i go back to my low morale life,stuck behind the doors of 4 walls, facing my own consequences.everyone else especially him will lead their own life now. new world,singlehood,freedom. but not me. yes it was my fault. like said in the dictionary, naive. the naive and shallow person i am. always wants things to be perfect.why?cause i thought i would be happy. well, my frens, i'm not. i lost everything. my sense of responsibilty,sense of way,thinkings,purity. everything. you can tell me to lead a new life and move on. its not easy. no matter how hard i tried, i would look back. back to the sweet memories. yes i'm still that happy person that people potray me as. just that it taes more than a smile to know me.i think that's why people, esp him, move away.
gotta start on my birthday resolutions soon. funny, but its been a long time since i spend my birthday alone. this year is sure a first of many years.

day 3

okok,its early to open the day, but it's not too late to tell wat i ate on day 2....hee... okok. maggie! not much surprise anymore.hee...at least this time i had KFC hotdevils to spice it up.hee....

so anyway, i skipped class today. again. i dunno wat the hell is going on with me. i think i let my head took over my heart lately. jus sucks. sigh...always prayed for a better day nowadays. but, oh well.. lets not be late for IBM tml,ok? cause Nageb wont like that. so anyway, went out with the CRX for awhile jus now to meet the reporter again. this time, we took pictures of the car.have to email soon. then met couple of frens for a drink. nice. really made me happy for once. oooooh!!!!! anothe rgood news that made me happy today! my article is featured! woohoo. finally.hee...but hey, no matter how happy i show and can be, nothin beats the darkness on my left heart.oh well, so much for today!!! happy 3rd day!

day 2

day 1 was ok,only that i only had maggie for dinner.my parents had to work late at the mosque and they will only return home after terawih. i guess i better get more stock on maggie soon. it's gonna be a long month.

the same fren who told me once better that i'm that girl in that song Heartbreaker. Implying that i'm a hard breaker. Yesterday, she changed her perception. Now she's implying that i'm the girl that all bad guys want. hahaah.... it was a way to cheer me up. well,wat do u expect, 1am in the morning, i need some remedy for a large damage.

as i left my home to school this morning,plugged the earplugs to my ears, a song played on Perfect10. How fate it is. Reflected how i feels at this point of life. I'm not getting emo here, but i used to be a really strong person. someone who u will point out in the crowd and say,"Look at that girl.So much confidence." not anymore. that gilr died in a battle. a battle not gore,just verbs. enough said. people might think i'm telling my whole break up over a fella who practically hates me now on the internet. hehehe. sorry peeps.



"Walking Away" -craiG daviD-

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise
some people don't wanna cpomromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights i'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

day 1

sigh.....such a lazy day today for me. seriously. i told mum i'm going to school to study, but i didnt.wat did i do? sleep. all day. i just cant help it. i feel so sleepy. somemore, it was raining heavily. i woke up at 10, walked ard the house, no one was at house, i went back to sleep. woke up at 2, still no one at home, got really bored cause never had a chance to talk to deawie then i went back to sleep. and here i am, at 4.48. woke up like 10 mins ago and rush to be online. but deawie not online. so i jus surf and update this thingy. voila. so much for berpuasa. i think i'll be dining alone all month cause it seems that no one will be at home. sigh.

flyer!!!not gig lah doh!

ok,this is the first and the last project i'll do for my family.cause u know why?i had to do this in malay language.knowing how horrible my malay is, i actually have to ask Mr Sarip for translation.hee... thanks dok!so, take a look and be hasty to call.hee... my number not there,but u can still order with me.hee... i'm the most reliable than the numbers u see in there.hee...really.heheh

happy deepavali?

well, i dont celebrate this holiday.so i wont touch on this subject. anyway, the raya season is coming. typically, i am the usual victim to follow my sisters to Geylang to get some of the pasar stuff for them to cook in the puasa season. this year,nothin different. in fact, i was given 2 jobs to do.
one:sit in the van and drive to their destinations.
two: sit in the van with Ryan,my nephew, while my sisters go and get their stuff. i dont like the market smell and Ryan dont like to walk in market.hee...
so when we are done, i dropped one my 2nd sis at home then drop off the taukay at her shop in Causeway point.
ATTENTION:One of the Ramly burgers that is selling like hot cakes belongs to my sis. pls drop by and join the line for that really-nice-cheesy-ramly burger.while stocks last.
so i got bored sitting around like some taukay, i also took over and make burgers.hee...dun underestimate me. but my sis dun really like me doing that cause she will always emphasise that we have employees.so dun waste money.hee.....

raya....sigh... but first,puasa. oh man, i dunno if mine this year will be valid. i did pretty lots of bad things lately. i wont tell.hee... but i dunno.i will still do my fasting as usual,cause only Allah knows that i am a willing party and i always put Him above everything.

so enough said. i better get some sleep.i might turn up for class later.MIGHT.




p.s: erm... are we wat i think we are?pls help me here,i'm kinda stupid in these things.

another saddening day...and night

got lazy today. but made a fren smiled. i think he will get his girl soon. good luck,buds! so today i played ard with liquify. fun stuff. i'm half-smiling.

A new meaning to a word

so,i found a really direct meaning to the word cheated. not cheat. cheated: to lose your pride by a love while that love get away scot-free". yes, naive. i am naive. a better word is gulible,but no. i'm naive. i found my own weakness. everyone has their flaws. mine?naive. i thought that i'm a strong person. really strong person on the inside. but i'm not. i have feelings. and seems that i have lost my own pride on my naiveness.love took me so down,as deep as hell. then brought me up again thru my naiveness . and now? i'm back where i started.i'm really cheated. lost my pride. wat's becoming of me? i really dunno. pls help me. pls.
it's really funny how one love can really treat you with cruelty. the waiting, the moments and the verbals. so wat is the truth behind loving someone? wat?anyone?anyone can answer that for me? no one can. then dun love. dun even try. but it's too late for me. i cant pick up the pieces now. that same love mention had blew it all away. together with my pride. thank you.
it's my fault. rest assure.

p/s:that's all i needed now. a night when your indecisive took my pride away.

sigh...gonna get older.

ok,so i'm getting older. someone sent me this and i think it just fits my characteristics.
NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to
fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant.
Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and
strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors.
Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive.
Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less
talkative but amiable. Brave and generous.
Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is
a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give
up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves
to be alone. Thinks differently from others.
Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not
appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built
and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic.
Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking.
High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps
secrets. Not able to control emotions.
UNPREDICTABLE.

so for my bday,get me a book "Handling Perfectionism for Dummies."

I finally know how to shoot well with my digi.

ahhh wednesday.morning.its 1222am. my tuesday was bored. maths. please ask help from me if u are weak.hee... went holland village with B just now. yeah,drinking,slacking,talked a life,money and meddle around with my new book.hee.... oh yeah!finally i bought something useful with the money i won from the last match Arsenal played.so then,wednesday.class starts at 9.ass....

ok,so i got bored and played ard with the coordinates.

hahaha did this using the heromachine. so: Dear Alif, who said it's hard?!ehhehehehe

No one is online!!!

its 1330hrs now.no one is online in msn. out of so many tens of people i have in there,none is online. i guess they are either schooling or werking or maybe just blocking me.hehehe. i should be studying now,shouldnt i? i think i'll go to the neighbourhood library. cant study at home. the laptop is getting to be really addictive.

The week is beginning to end.

Ahhh...monday is here. I'm not asleep yet though. Holiday week. But i think it's best for me to indulge in books. suppose to like gone away for holidays,but things got bad before we could start that. "move on,please move on" yeah,yeah, dun push me. i'm trying my best here.but everytime i do, the thot of making one feel better at another's expense just keeps running thru my head. Sad? nope.i'm hurt. not sad. maybe i deserve it? i dun think so. for a person to deserve such treatment would be a person who never admits.

its gonna be a groundhog week for me tomorrow ~believe in the power of Denial~

it feels like i'm repeating my whole week again.getting up,picking up the pieces...but this time, i think i better stop being the stupid one. the fool who actually thought things will get better. the fool whose assumption was a fact. the fool who lost her self-being to someone she thought would forever last. now i know that there is no such word as forever."just tell me straight in the face!dun try to make yourself feel better in the expense of me waiting like a fool." yesh,i'll move on. learn from the past.cant force anyone to do anything.on top of it all, verbal attack is deadly. but leaving someone who's now "wasted", is jus pure hurting. but then again, we are talking about the fool. the fool who believe in long lasting relationships. ah shuck...now i'm getting emo.

i'm glad i still have my prozac.it calms me down.yes,i'm full of anger. anger towards myself. "it's all your fault,fool!" i know.keep telling myself that. had a long chat with a friend last nite. a real friend. a real friend who listens. he's right, i shouldnt bring myself down. maybe it's not the end. maybe it's the beginning of something great. then i tell him, but it could also be that,maybe i ended "that beginning of something great".he's right in some ways though. thank you ,my fren. owe you a lifetime.

so what will tomorrow bring? i do not know. but i'm willing to explore now. i think it's time to really take time to know myself better than others.i miss me. i really do.the real me that i left for depression.the me that i chuck aside for darkness.help me pls. keep that thing away.

No Doubt-Ex Girlfriend

You say you're gonna burn before you mellow
I will be the one to burn you
Why'd you have to go and pick me?
When you knew that we were different, completely

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex - girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex - girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex - girlfriend

I'm another ex - girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

Your wildness scares me
So does your freedom
You say you can't stand the restrictions
I find myself trying to change you
If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn't have to

And I feel so mean, I feel in between
'Cause I'm about to give you away

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex - girlfriend (for someone else to take)
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex - girlfriend (am I making a mistake?)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them (all the time that we spent)
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex - girl, friend

I'm another ex - girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm another ex - girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

I'm about to give you away for someone else to take
I'm about to give you away for someone else to take

We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs
And we've been in between the days for years
And I know that when I see you I'm going to die
I know I'm going to want you and you know why
It's going to kill me to see you with the next girl
'Cause I'm the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex - girl

But I should have thought of that before we kissed...

I'm another ex - girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm another ex - girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

matrix, anyone?

ok,ok.so i got bored. a fren of my did this. cool,rite?heee

yup,another sleepless nite

in fact, i was yawning on TPE jus now. but its 3am now and i'm still tossing and turning. oh well, might as well get up and do some studying.i am,really. doing some revision for tomorrow's class. however, i jus realised that tomorrow is a lab session. the last session i went, i left halfway cause it's jus basic stuff. seriously. maybe i will turn up later for lab. but then again, i rather put that same amount of hours into some real work. big test coming up.

chatted with some old peeps just now. kinda missed the fun we all used to have back in school. ex-school. i dont if we could revive that,cause many things have changed since. some got engaged, some got into the local uni, some long gone with the wind and some.....have messed up life.me.

sometimes, i'm just amazed how i was last time. any adversity i face, i will always have that smile on my face. except for exams,of course. how i can show friends that i have no worries. i think i have that touch til now. maybe i have the mindcept that why should i show a sad face and make others wonder why. i rather make them happy. like Peter Pan would say, "Think of Happy Thoughts!" i guess that's the way we all should. live in a dream with happy moments than a nightmare full of darkness. but seriously, i had a few nightmares of my own. people leaving me. close ones especially. sad,yeah. but hey, without these events, i'm not wat i am not. so one thing!think of happy thoughts,my friends.

fate,anyone?

just bullshit. some friends tells that it is fate that brought them to their gfs and bfs.but i don't believe in that anymore. so i ask them, how do you know? all they could say was," you'll just know it." shucks! but that still doesnt make me change my mind. cause if it is really fate that i am how i am right now, wow. thanks god for showing me the right way. it was an excuse to take your leave. some would say lame excuse. that excuse could work on many girls who would unresently wait till the cows come home. but not me. i knew the straight answer. dun have to give me the cruel treatment. i know myself. cant blame anyone. happy thoughts!

it was the start of the week. i woke up happy, smiled endlessly and skip school happily. i was motivating myself. i did, i really did. well,fuck u.fuck u all incompoops who cant wait to gloat over my fall.

so anyway, this song has been in my head and the words....sigh...totally reflect on how i feel. happy thoughts!

-Here Without you-
A hundred days had made me older since the last time
that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and
I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
it get hard but it won't take away my love

Brand New Me?

Nah...just a brand new layout. got bored. and just love justice league. i think i wanna begin collecting comics again. but then again, i cant save for my next camera if i do. oh well. i'll jus get indulge on Justice League every sunday mornings only. The broken pieces. Well still picking them up. kinda hard. but i know the old me was strong enough. some things just cant go the way you want it to be. but it's cool. i keep motivating myself everytime i feel unstable. yes,the emotions. trying to get rid of them. but if i do, then wat's a ..... me? like i said, some things just cant go the way you want it to be. yes people have ups and downs. its a norm. sigh. i better indulge myself more into other things rather than just my ego and emotions. ego and emotions. hmm....new term i can make that. egomotion.cool.

lastly,ok guys and gals. i'm sick of tired being the one who you think i'm trying to attract ppl to read this. i have frens who are either jus damn bastards or jus plain egoist. i asked some pl to take at look at my blog,cause i want them to see the design and stuff.but these ppl are giving lames excuase that it is a lame excuse i came up with just to make them read my blog.halo!i dun care whether u read or not. i just wanna know what u think of my batman. argh.... totally blew off my nite. bloody fish.

yes i did.i miss the 4th lesson this week.

i cant believe it. i didnt hear the alarm went off. it did when i woke up at 11am. but too late.class was already in the midst of ending. wat's wrong with me?why am i like this? i have always been consistent.but not now. i destroyed the usual self that i was. the one that chirps in the morning and all set to school before the nagging comes in.but not these days. i slacked. i'm totally one whole chapter behind IBM,i dunno wat's going on with Karl Marx in socio,i have a maths test coming so soon and my IS.Ok,lets not go there.it's atrocious. come on,pheedy. pick up the pieces! i wish i could. i want the real me to be back. the one that can handle setbacks when needs to. the one that chirps to the sound of the alarm in the morning.



Aerosmith-fly away from here

Gotta find a way
Yeah, I can't wait another day
Ain't nothin' gonna change
If we stay 'round here
Gotta do what it takes
Cause it's all in our hands
We all make mistakes
Yeah, but it's never to late to start again (yeah yeah)
Take another breath
And say another prayer

And fly away from here
Anywhere
Yeah, I don't care
We'll just fly away from here
Our hopes and dreams
Are out there somewhere
Won't let time pass us by
We'll just fly

If this life
Gets any harder now
It ain't no nevermind
You got me by your side
And anytime you want
Yeah we can catch a train
And find a better place
Yeah, cuz we won't let nothin'
or no one keep gettin' us down
maybe you and I
Can pack our bags and hit the sky

And fly away from
Anywhere
Yeah, I don't care
We'll just fly away from here our hopes and dreams
Are out there somewhere
Won't let time pass us by
We'll just fly

Did we see a bluer sky now?
You can have a better life now
Open your eyes
Cuz no one here can ever stop us
They can try but we won't let them
No way-ay-ay-ah

Maybe you and I
Can pack our bags and say goodbye

And fly away from here
Anywhere
Honey I don't care
We'll just fly away from here
Our hopes and dreams
Are out there somewhere
Fly away from here
Yeah anywhere
honey, I don't I don't I don't fly (yeah)

We'll just fly

its 2am and i cant sleep

i jus couldnt.i have no where and no one to turn to except here.regrettions runs thru my head. werds, places, memories endlessly runs thru the head.my head.yes, school have been slacking for me the past few days. i have sleepless nites and end up skipping school. he doesnt know,but he doesnt care.why would her?its my life,he would say.if i dun turn up for tml's class,then that makes the 4th class i skip in a week. i dont function well when i'm full of thoughts. i dont handle setbacks well. i dont take regrets easily. i take them to my grave. wrote a death note earlier on. and i was bent on it. the last time i had such a setback, i broke a knuckle. maybe now i should break a spine. but wat's a spine to him? it jus belongs to some girl who jus cant get over things that she said. move on? i cant. some people would think i'm jus taking this too seriously when i have almost everything else going smoothly in my life. i dont,fyi. i lost a battle. like in Sex in The City, everyone would have 3 true love. i've lost 2. the last one? i dont intend to find it. cause after 2, there's no such thing for a 3rd one.

should i go back to sleep?maybe. should i keep on tossing and turning?i would. cause in head, i'm lost. in reality, i'm dead. i thought i could handle it. confidently,i tell. but i couldnt. i'm jus a human being. jus a human being with normal feelings. i asked for too much. and now, i end with too little. bottomline, i'm living in a dream.
may my death note live my life.

091003.a date that finally showed how naive,shallow and bitchy the being i am.
a date that will mark on my organiser to celebrate each anniversary. a date that will proclaim to be a day that i lost all will. all will to love. a date that proved that i dun deserve to love or to be love. got snubbed, jilted and of course a smack-on-the-head.i do not know what to do.

if i call, he will sure snubbed at me. if i dun, i will forver live with a regrettion of not calling. so how? move on. a fren told me to move on. wat a clique. can i? can i not look back? can i live to see the future that i thought i would have? someone pls ping me.

well,no point in crying over spilt milk.at least i got my answer.

and i thought my tears ended in the car

perfection.wat is that?define.i cant. cause i lost it. i had it. but it flew by. i couldnt catch it.neither will it come back to me. will i find it? maybe. but wat if it doesnt? then forever shall i be unfill.unfill with perfection. someone told me once that perfectionists are the last ones to die cause others die with accepting abnormalities.then so be it. you're right. i'm never contented. stage 3 would mean stage 4. then so be it. accept me for wat i am. but reject me for wat u wan me to be. i cant. i'll fall hard if i do. luck? i dun need it. i jus need me. let me be that man in the saying that no man is an island. yes, pinch me harder. cause to me life, if u dun get things in yr way, then dun get things done in the first place.

i cried on my way home

i was passing by the highway on my way home and played my favorite song. but moments the song end, i had tears. tears that came from no where. reason? truthfully, i dunno. i jus got so feeling. sigh....


Padi-Kasih tak Sampai

Indah..
Terasa indah..
Bila kita terbuai dalam alunan cinta..
Sedapat mungkin terciptakan rasa..
Keinginan saling memiliki

Namun bila,
Itu semua dapat terwujud
Dalam satu ikatan cinta
Tak semudah seperti yang pernah terbayang..
Menyatukan perasaan....

Chorus:
Tetaplah menjadi bintang dilangit
Agar cinta kita akan abadi
Biarlah sinarmu tetap menyinari alam ini,
Agar menjadi saksi cinta kita
Berdua...
Berdua..

Sudah..
Lambat sudah...
Kini semua harus berakhir
Mungkin inilah jalan yang terbaik
Dan kita mesti relakan kenyataan ini

Chorus

Music

Menjadi saksi kita berdua....

"...if you are still dreaming of a dream in the past, then you are wat is called lifeless..."

agree with me. i am dreaming of a dream in the past.

Singaporeans drivers are freaking rude

In spore, to be a good driver is to be an abusive driver. I realised that people driver like as if they all own the freaking road. Many are as rude as a....argh!there's no werd to describe. but they are freaking rude! some just change lane without signal and many of those dun raise their hand up in a gesture to say thank you to the driver behind who had(no choice) to give way. yes, i know i have the damn triangle on, but so? doesnt mean i have no right to be on that freaking road! i maybe tri-ry, but i am always looking out for safety,even if it kills me. yes, i speed when there's no police cars. but do i cause any trouble to anyone? do i change lane rudely on Paya Lebar road? argh.... In order to succumb this, i just have to be as rude as these damn drivers. ass.i'm gonna take down the number of the car who dare to cut in front of me without signalling!

didnt do anything much, jus accompanying my sister to get some dress. and i also realise that it runs in the family to pick fussy-ly.

oh yeah,here's a moment for all of you to think of.

another weekend not to myself

sunday already.it's 1.46 in the morning. still a saturday? no lah dope head! sigh...tml our last day to perform at Jurong. met a few ppl from my ex-school. nope, i wont tell u wat school it was. i dunno how i felt when i met them. i mean, here i am,working in the night time. dunno whether to be ashamed of the job or wat. then again, i'm not shameful. it's a decent job. besides only few ppl know i am in the higher learning education while werking. so? hmmm...should i care?i dun think so. cant be bothered by comments like that. i am in the family biz. i should be proud of that. some ppl rather werk outside than in their family biz. idiots. hee....

sigh... i was hoping this weekend to get som real work done. but hey, it's kinda burnt now. time passes so fast. argh. so lets be appreciative that there is a term call Time. heee......

ok, i'm whoozy now....better sleep....

my supersampler is called Superspy!

hehehe well, i jus love that song.,Superspy by Saveferris. and so....since my new toy is that spy-rific, i shall name it.ehhehe had fun going ard school snapping ard. caught B and A off guard.hee..... caught Nageb too!ahhaha asshole.

jus came back.now it's saturday. but hey, as usual, werk since i dun have anything else to commit to. live life to the most,people.

yippe.....i've got something to smile abt for the next 2 weeks.ehheh....i cant tell u wat but wait and read on...hee......

better get a bath now. stink like as if i'm out from the sewage!

it was like a dust fog.

its 11.33 pm.earlier on this afternoon, i was so determined to understand the word social.so i thot i would sit down,open Perspective In Sociology and study it......UNTIL! i jus slide my finger across my keyboard and saw how dusty it was! So i cleaned it. then i felt the floor was dusty, so i cleaned it...... and alas...i actually did spring cleaning despite that it was schedule to be done before Hari Raya. oh well, maybe i will do it again then. hee.... so i'm in a clean room now!heee... very exciting...

despite that it's already late now, i have to get some studying done. arghhhh.... someone pls help me understand big words. and NO!I dun want a dictionary. Have 3. But too far to reach and flip to the meaning of anomie. oh well.... life usually suck.

good morning,pumpkin!!!!

well ok. it's 1pm now and i woke up like an hour ago. yeah yeah yeah....sleepy head,i know. so?who cares? i aint got no classes,lady!i'm giving face to the laundry that i promised my mum to do,here! otherwise i'll jus sleep til the cows come home. i'm not rude here! argh...

i jus love waking up and the first time i'll do is check if my hamster is still sleeping. as usual, sleeping. in a corner. with a fort ard him....sigh.. this is peace for me. and him as well.


well i dunno wat i'm gonna do today.maybe do some research on the upcoming book i'm do. maybe do a lil maths. maybe hang out with mum. or maybe just sleep again later. whatever it is, it wont come to any good.hee....

yippe......got a new toy!!!! yeh yeh..... hehehhe
ok now how to use it...hmmm.....

yes i did. i skip class today.
i woke up really late. really late. even though i knew i can make it after the break, i will still be late and miss the whole class. so? jus fuck it then.

i woke up cause for obvious reasons, i slept late. kept thinking abt alot of things. then i realised that wat i used to learn in school is happening now. bgr. it does affect everything. like last night, i was suppose to revise on IBM. then he called. so we talked for a while and somehow some ppl just have to make a big deal out of a small issue. well, for your peennie-wheenie brain, yes we got into a hefty argument. and yes, i always want to win. cause to some ppl, i am always this egoist perfectionist. so back to the matter at hand, the talk really took a long time. i couldnt revise. i was already too tired for it. so i tried to sleep. but i couldnt sleep cause it seems that thinking took over my head. so i guess i slept pretty late. and there, my revision was gone. and sleep, also gone with the wind. and IBM?HA! can keep on dreaming abt that first class.one acronym.BGR. it does affect.

so tell me, is it wrong? is it really wrong to not show a persons true colors? yes, i have a lot of secrets in my darkest hour. so coherently, i like to keep them. i like to keep the part of me jus being mysterious. is being in a relationship means that i have to actually shred my outer layer of self?show the real me? really?that is wat being in a relationship is about? why cant i just be me? this is me. the real me is the one that likes to keep a low profile even on her being. that's all. is it too much to ask? is it due to globalisation that we have to keep relationships like the old fashioned ways? then men might as well jus sent their mums over to ask for marriage to a girl that they think they want to marry,without knowing her at all. why?jus give me one good reason should i share every single thing i have in my life.

i thot i was demanding. then i realised i was wrong. i was lost. lost in a place where questions remain unanswered and answers with no questions asked. i wasnt demanding answers. i was just asking questions that i knew i'm suppose to have them. but i cant find it. i'm lost