gone with the wind

ok peeps. i'm gonna be missing-in-action for awhile. tonnes of werk. been slacking too long in my studies. wish me luck.

ahhhhh my CK fits likes a Cinderella shoes

hmm...this year Raya doesnt seems as exciting as last year. maybe because my 3rd sis didnt come.hee... but even though that, somethings was still missing. but i jus dunno.i wonder what. but the night before raya, OMG. i regretted going Geylang with my sis. the onli best part about that was the part i could pose with an MG. car lovers would know. enough about raya.
right now, i'm rotting at home. have overdue assignments to do, but i just dun feel like doing anything. just feel like cruising. maybe later.

Day 28
(did i count wrongly?)

ahhh... the time has come for me to change back to my normal form. soon. saturday was a tiring day. sat all day anyam-ing ketupat. well, i'm pratically the onli one who knows how to do it. argh. lazy bunch of siblings i have. but all will be paid off.it feels really frustrating that people can come up and tell u your faults, but u jus cant find wat is wrong with u.i tried so hard to please people, but i get knock down each time.i guess i am living in denial.jus feel so lonely,yet that is still a fault. maybe i should have just left this dreadful world. now no more small pack,only hard pack, the more reason i should left the world.no matter how hard one can try to please another, one must foresee what one is at fault. gettit?
later on, i hope i'm gonna get knock down by a bus or trailer or anything dreadful. then maybe people will start noticing me. "hey u heard of that bitch who got knockdown by a trailer?i heard she was a bloody damn suck-up...."
argh, this has been a dreadful year! wait....i dun think i should start evaluating 2003 yet. i still have december.ahh december. planned so many wonderful things, but all will have to fore go. "stop looking back ah!" okok, i will. but i realised that everytime i look forward and tried not to look back, i get a tap on the shoulder. ever got that before?
dammit.must be the vitasoy i'm drinking now that make me talk nonsense. oh yeah, and the ziplock ciggies i have to keep fresh each nite. hee...

Day 25
the second part of my day

50 Romantic things to do 4 your Boy/Girl Friend
(Things I have not done so far....or he have have not done)

1. Watch the sunset together.

2. Whisper to each other.

3. Cook for each other.

4. Walk in the rain.

5. Hold hands

6. Buy gifts for each other.

7. Roses.

8. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.

9. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.

10. Write poetry for each other.

11. Hugs are the universal medicine.

12. Say only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.

13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.

14. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Don't lie!

15. Spend every second possible together.

16. Look into each other's eyes.

17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.

18. When in public, only flirt with each other.

19. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.

20. Buy her a ring.

21. Sing to each other.

22. Always hold her around her hips/sides.

23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.

24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)

25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.

26. Dance together.

27. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap.

28. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.

29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes

30. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.

31. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.

32. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.

34. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.

35. Be Prince Charming to her parents.

36. Brush her hair out of her face for her.

37. Hang out with his/her friends.

38. Go to church/pray/worship together.

39. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.

40. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.

41. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.

42. Make sacrifices for each other.

43. Really love each other, or don't stay together.

44. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.

45. Love yourself before you love anyone else.

46. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.

47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.

48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.

49. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.

50. Never forget the kiss goodnight and always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."

Day 25

it's thursday already. this is fast. but i'm still not over the getting over you getting over me. cheerios!

Day 23

today i'm very proud of myself. very proud. i woke up early (thx,mum!) left for school early, and voila! reached school early. the bigger surprise was, i was the first to be in lecture room! shortly after i came, someone else did too. but it was silence. the silence that i thought would never occur between us. sigh... i remembered his birthday. did he? well it doesn't matter anymore. afterall, my own friend is taking care of him right now. talk about a stab on the back,man.
my maths lesson has been changed to Thursday now. but there was a class today. i didnt wanna go to today's lesson. rather go on thurs. why? cause i'll be alone. by goin to maths alone, will prevent me from being ask alot of questions. it's really irritating when u seems to be the only one who knows.
met my old buddy jus now. when shopping then dinner then slept on the train like 2 little girls who had a long day in school. hee.. thanks Mya. we should do this again. oh yeah. we watched "Wishing Stairs". a new korean horror flick which was kinda cool and scary. go watch! and get scared! hee... next, i wanna watched Ju-On 2. the trailer is really a scary one. if the trailer is scary, the movie too i hope.
it's funny how scared i get in horror flicks, but i still wanna watch it. hee.. kinda challenges the inner self of me.
kinda miss u-know-who today.really. but like they say, it takes 2 to clap. in this case, i'm clapping on my lap.hee... he's having a good life, that's all i know. and i think that's all i have to know. he hardly let me in his life anymore.

Day 22
The word Infidelity lies in all.

ahhhh...day 22 of the fasting month. see how times flies. it seems like yesterday that i was getting over a break up. well, i am still. but life have to move on,right? but wat really quirks and wonders me is that, how fast a person can really get over another. ever heard of a line "i'm getting over you,getting over me" ? i'm here. i do not know whether it is good that he's finally moving on or whether, maybe he was waiting for this to happen so he can rejoice. i got this fren who told me about his 3 months relationship with this girl. they broke up because she was being too obsessed. well, cant blame her cause this of mine is a good catch.It took him jus 2 weeks later to find another. anyway, it is wrong to be obsess over another? it seems to be it is. but shouldn't love be obsession?passionate? OR, is it just with men? i mean, what's up with them, there u have a girl, pinning on you ,yet you will still prefer that girl who you take the MRT everyday with to work.
my buddy told me before that men would"pick what's on the way". hee... sometimes, i agree with this. but most of the times, i think men would only pick up what's pretty on the floor.

so anyway, here i am in school at 4pm.studyin? nope. making use of the school resources to print my project.also to give my bumper issue to the editor. hope it's good enough. and also, hope my excel project is good enough too. i don't know where i'll have my dinner tonight. we'll just see where these pair of feet will take me to.

p.s:your time is nearly up

Day 20

all right my fellow friends and foes. this is the issue that caused my fever and cause my fever to drag even on my birthday. actually, i'm jus uploading here for my exco and fellow writers to see the layout. hee... but it's ok. besides, not many people will like it. i'm jus using this space for them to see.

Day 18

Happy birthday msFiddy.may you forever be 21 20.hee.... it's a not a happy day for me today. cause i've been sick. a fever that goes up and up and down and down and now?UP! at this moment as i type, it's 39.5 degrees. gosh. can go crazy . remember the 13 resolutions i'm suppose to write?done-ded!
skip this site if u dun wanna read.

1) must deny any wreakage towards my own feelings
2) must never cry for the opposite sex.if i really have to, do it after.heee...
3) must never deny any true feelings to anyone; whether it's hatred or love.
4) must learn to let go.
5) must never deny that I am a perfectionist.
6) must save money for a new camera.
7) must obtain my b*K# lisence before next birthday. (yesh i'm kiasu.but driving a car is never enough)
8) must learn to differentiate from Kanan and Kiri.
9) must never look back and regret.
10) must regret with style.
11) must never fall in love easily. it's time for commitment
12) must take initiative to look for a guy who has initiative.
13) but, but never the least, must learn to trust myself first.


believe it or not, i miss school. haven been to my fav library since last week.

Day 16

"TENK!!" i took out the thermometer and ask the lady how high is my fever."Oh dear, it's 41 degree celsius.please wear a mask" first time in my life, i had to cover my beauty(ahem!) with a medicated-smelling mask. ew.... there were so many people but none had a mask.onli me. it's number 9. i'm number 20.sigh..... "cuse`me ah miss ai-r-ni,u may go in now" i jus hate it when people cant pronouce my name right.all my life,people pronounce it wrongly.but hey...i beat the quene.now i realised that when u have a fever,doctors will attend to u first.this was implemented eversince the SARS incident.
when it's all over,i have to take so much medicine.argh....hate to not puasa.but only today ,ok mum?tomorrow i be the good daughter again.

Day 15

its 0007hrs.I have 2 more pages to go before i start printing out my bumper issue. any one wanna order?hee..... u cant subscribe cause i WONT DO ANYMORE BUMPER ISSUE TIL THE NEXT TIME XPOSE CELEBRATES ITS 2ND ANNIVERSARY! ARGHH!!!.... but anyway, here's a slight preview of the issue.


so anyway.i had a fever earlier. really felt cold.so weak. i think its the cause of the sleepless nights and loss of appetite. thanks dhani, gonna wait for tt vallium u promise. if it works, i think i wanna subscript to that. that is if my shrink allow. my mum thinks i'm putting too much stress on school tt's why i'm ill. hahaha. that's a joke man. but then again... i am kinda full with school stuff and been having sleepless nights doing them...hmmm...nah!

Day 14

it was a nice saturday for me. really plesant. thanks, guys! meet up with the band for dinner and revise of songs at esplanade. took some pics too.





here's the boys acting candid.


here's one with Gee's showing "Who's the boss?"


here we are at foodcourt for breaking fast. some how Gee and Valo was MIA for awhile.hee... Gee has really nice beef noodles for break fast. must try!
this one is Conan who didnt realise i took this one. hee...

and Irwin....candid!


remember Gee and Valo was MIA for awhile? Hee... they bought me a cake to celebrate my bday in advanced. so sweet i was touched! hee.....
oh yeah, they tried singing me a happy bday song.

me cutting the precious Truffle Cheese Cake


and this is what happen when u eat too much Truffle cheese cake




overall it was so sweet of them to surprise me.hee.... see, i told ya i'm the Queen.hee.... Thanks guys! See ya on sunday!

p.s: if u guys have been keeping up with me lately, i lost the Perlini's ring i bought for my birthday today. must have took off while i was washing my hands. damn it. i really love that ring. really. i would look at it during class and make it shine. sigh...now it's gone. does this means that i cant keep anyting for life?and lose anythin i grab hold?

day 13

sigh... it was a really short day.suppose to be a long day. SUPPOSEDLY. i skipped my morning class.socio. argh. so overall, i missed my test. didnt study for it anyway. in fact, even if i did sit fot the test, it's cheating. cause i knew the questions. but i managed to sit thru IBM's consultation. no bad,huh? yeah rite, even though i woke up at 1 pm, i was still yawning away. argh... i just dunno how my body system works liek nowadays. i sleep late, as ard 3-4 am in the morning, and of course i wake up late. But i just cant sleep early. argh... must try again. i'm gonna sleep after writing my blog.hee.... then let's see wat time i will wake up tomolo.
i meet him for dinner just now. finally gave him the card i wrote last week. i was gonna buy a goodbye card, but i just couldnt bear. argh... wat's wrong with you fiddy?! i just can't.Becoming frens is so hard. that's why i wanted to just let it go and get him the good bye card. but due to my naiveness, i didnt. he's not coming back lah doh! yeah, i guess so. i got really alot of things on my mind nowadays, so i guess it's helping. but then again, jelousy would sure struck me anytime. sigh.. that's why i just prefer it that i could jus walk away from him. But i just couldnt. argh.
got myself another bday present.hee.. since no one will get me anything, i'll just pamper myself. got a new jacket. well it's getting cold in lecture theaters, u know! besides, none of my old ones are cool enough.hee....
okok...nites!

Day 11

it's only 1 am of november 6 2003. so watever.
i didnt had dinner with you-know-who. but i manage a last plan with Hilyah and Shah who were all iced up for JP. so i went with them. the pictures i did below are being lowered for opacity, cause i dun wan their identity to be reveal.hee..
got myself an early birthday present. saw this really cool ring from Perlini's. had to get it. and i found out my ring size!heee... its size 12 for my "wedding-ring-finger". cool eh?hehehe

Day 10

ahhh...been days since i last wrote in. so many things to do lately. So far on my list, i'm left to do my excel project, Xpose layout, study for the sociology test and my sister's banner layout. many things has happened lately in my life. so much effort was put to make me indulge in other things, but i still cant ignore the fact that he's now my dearie fren. it's hard, but many of my dear frens are helping me out.gonna meet 2 of best MSN mates this weekend. Cause they end exams this week. Geylang?nah.....ehheeh. almost finish with my 13 resoultions. when it's done, i'll put it up here. also an additional to that, i have my 13 most ideal gifts for me .....ehehheheh.. i know i know, thick skinned. but i'm not materialistic. most of the list are jus basic needs that i need.

so right now i'm in school. supposing to be doing my layout, but i just cant find the right inspiration for the cover.argh.... shall it be a xmas-sy type or matrix-type or jus plain simple like any of fiddy's werks? well. hopefully i get that job that i want. seriously.hee...... but the fact that my own buddy is my own nemesis, i have to werk harder than him. i wonder wat am i gonna eat later? i thot of meeting dearie my fren for dinner. but he jus cant decide. i guess it's pay back time for me, since he seems to be mad at me for interrogating him the other day. i just felt jelous and insecure that's all. sigh....
so i guess maybe i'll have dinner on my own again. it's been a really long time since i had any home-cooked food.

this is for u.

for the rest of u, i'm not getting jiwang.but i really like this song.

Bukan Cinta Biasa


Begitu banyak cerita
Ada suka ada duka
Cinta yang ingin ku tulis
Bukanlah cinta biasa

Dua keyakinan beza
Masaalah pun tak sama
Ku tak ingin dia ragu
Mengapa mereka selalu bertanya

Cintaku bukan di atas kertas
Cintaku getaran yang sama
Tak perlu di paksa
Tak perlu di cari
Kerna ku yakin ada jawabnya...ohhh

Andai ku bisa merubah semua
Hingga tiada orang terluka
Tapi tak mungkin,
Ku tak berdaya
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawabnya…

Janji terikat setia
Masa mengubah segala
Mungkin dia kan berlalu
Ku tak mahu mereka tertawa

Diriku hanya insan biasa
Miliki naluri yang sama
Tak ingin berpaling
Tak ingin berganti
Jiwa ku sering saja berkata..ohh

Andai ku mampu ulang semula
Ku pasti tiada yang curiga
Kasih kan hadir
Tiada terduga
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawapan...

Cintaku bukan di atas kertas
Cintaku getaran yang sama
Tak perlu di paksa
Tak perlu di cari
Kerna ku yakin ada jawabnya...ohhh

Andai ku bisa merubah semua
Hingga tiada orang terluka
Tapi tak mungkin
Ku tak berdaya
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawabnya…ohhh

Diriku hanya insan biasa
Miliki naluri yang sama
Tak ingin berpaling
Tak ingin berganti
Jiwa ku sering saja berkata....

Andai ku mampu ulang semula
Ku pasti tiada yang curiga
Kasih kan hadir
Tiada terduga
Hanya yakin menunggu....
Jawapan...

day 6

i tried, but i jus couldnt bear to do it. "it's time to let go,fiddy. its really time"