::: it's beach bum,not bitch bum :::

ahhh...nothin beats the thought of myself being a beach bum right here at home.beach? ah yes.....very soon. gonna hit the sea soon. gotta get tan. hate this colour tone of mine.

been doin nothin except eating,running,sleeping,keeping madrid accompany and werking night shifts. know why am i doin all this? cause i'm broke. yes, the beach bum is broke. broke to the extent that i have temporary stop smoking. sigh. well, i know. it's suppose to be good of me to do that. so anyway, my family problems are endlessly ending. will never know when i will own an Ist.

haven meet the boys lately. bry's gf is back from Nepal. cool chick. must meet up with her one of these days for the pics.rafique still away in Redang. Fai probably busy composing. Nur.....probably busy sdriving new cars each day.hahaah... and me? ahahha... sigh... i have no idea,guys.

promised Gy to pick up bass again this holidays.dun worry dude...i'm trying to save up for that acoustic first.Jamming sunday,aight?

the worst thing that happen to me whole week is that, i HAVEN WATCHED SHREK2 !!!!! argh... now i have a few movies to watch this season. Shrek2, Harry Potter and the new Jim Carrey movie(forgot the title).

well..did a few changes to my blog.hope it's pleasant. wat a minute. it's not suppose to be pleasant anyway. so watever.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

::: beauty is skin deep :::

see....my favorite line does have some meaning to it. Guys,like i always said, beauty is skin deep.look at Fantasia Barrino. Congrats to her by the way. I wasn't a big fan. In fact LatoYa is my favorite. But Between Diana and Fantasia, it breaks even. either one could have won. In fact, at the end of the decade, both are true winner. Back to the matter at hand. Beauty is only skin deep. she got not much of a beauty,but her voice. Fawer!!!!(sorry,Nur.had to steal yr word.)sigh... some people are just gifted. unlike me. now i'm stuck with a husky voice. i',m still not well. haven been talking much for the past 3 days.

anyway, i should get one of these tops. especially the one Diana wore. The blue toga top.

::: some things just never change :::

for a true fact,my mum still dun have the trust in me.to her, i'm still the 12-year-old girl who just step out into this world. i know how to take care of myself,mum. i never lied when i said i'm just out to have clean fun with my frens. which are mainly the peeps from SIM. i think the news have brain-washed you,mum. all these stuff on early-teens pregancy, terrorist attacks, nick berg and even the influence of Yuk Buat Roti. (dun ask me wat's the link) anyway mum, i've grown up. i can really take care of myself. i'm not like any of your other daughters. i'm finding means how to survive on my own and not rely on you. but u think the otherwise. i wished you could only hang out with me and the guys one day. then u'll know.

anyway, the day was nice. played badminton with Nur,Fai and Bry. Today is kinda special because Rafiq joined us. yipee... is he the 5th member of the group? Is "3 guys & A girl In a Subaru" coming to an end? will West Coast be the first stop in the next episode???????????????????????? Nah............ heheheh... Anyway, badminton was fun. Then i had to coach, then met up the guys again for supper.nice. know more about the Dynasty from Bry.hehhe i learn something new everyday!

so...Porto won huh? ha!!! good luck ah brothers who bet.....

the end.

::: don't i deserve more? :::

i wish i could just keep quiet. but i can't. everything i've done for him, he never see. and when he ask a favour, it feels like i let down the whole world for not doing that favour. i hate that feeling. i hate that feeling!!!!! i really do. yes he loves me. and yes i love him. but some issues are not meant to be kept under wraps forever. i wish i could tell him how disgusted i am whenever i see his hi5 and friendster's frens. "so-called frens". insecure? yeah,maybe that's the word many girls would use. but i'm not like any of the girls u know. in fact i'm incomparable to them.i would use the word impertuable. dun make me explain what it means.

i don't get it. i just don't get it with you. i thought i do, but i don't. one minute you're mr nice guy,the next, you're just the rest. the reason why i can't talk to u face to face is because i've lost my voice. i can't strain it anymore. i have to stay at home and cool down,yet, u made it like an offence for not doing you that favour. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

::: I have lack of ideas :::

argh.... just look here!! argh... i couldnt think anything to do here. i hate outting links. the onli thing i wanna put here is the shoutbox. other than that,forget it. eheheh...

okok...so it's still the simple fiddy. i cant be bother anymore. maybe the holidays are a little bit rusty at start...ahhhh 4 months of holidays. gotta find a job. anyone???

::: things i wanna/need to do once today is over. :::

1. Do a nice blogskin for here.
2. Do a nice blogskin for there.
3. Go MOE.
4. Start on WITS research.
5. Start on my agency.
6. Sleep endlessly.
7. Fitness.
8. Tanning.
9. Clean my room.
10. Start my naughty stuff.
11. Start my lyrical side.
12. New ideas for Xpose.
13. Be nice to mum.
14. FIND A JOB.

Extroverted (E) 54.35% Introverted (I) 45.65% Realistic (S) 50% Imaginative (N) 50% Intellectual (T) 51.06% Emotional (F) 48.94% Easygoing (P) 53.19% Organized (J) 46.81% Your type is: ENTP You are an Inventor, possible professions include - systems designer, venture capitalist, actor, journalist, investment broker, real estate agent, real estate developer, strategic planner, political manager, politician, special projects developer, literary agent, restaurant/bar owner, technical trainer, diversity manager, art director, personnel systems developer, computer analyst, logistics consultant, outplacement consultant, advertising creative director, radio/TV talk show host.

Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

::: i wanna be Hugh Hefner's maid :::

truthfully, the topic u just read has nothing to do with wat i'm gonna talk about. it's just a gimmick.

anyway, came back from chalet in the morning yesterday. too bad i couldn't stay longer. but... guilt is running high on my IS paper later on.hmmm.... thank god Nur been answering my doubts. thanks bro. back to the matter on hand, the chalet. it wasn't a blast for the kiddo. (will put up the pics soon.) the gambling,the rideout with the guys,the rally with the new Getz(my bro's) and the cake that has my name on it totally cancels out the part where i had to sleep with a cow who snored so loud next to me. arghhh... damn Mustapha. i'll make sure u dun turn up next birthday. me hangout with my 3rd sis and god sister whole night. sneaked out secretly to avoid Madam from catching us smoking. ahahh. anyway,my man didn't make it.work. sigh. neither did the guys,cause of exams. but i did meet them up for supper at 1am. took them on the Getz. nice car, but typical fiddy,who hates auto cars, still prefer manual. it's the thrill.

didn't realise that my nephew Ryan's birthday is similiar to Syah. Happy birthday dear. good luck with the lomo. speaking of lomo. i wish i have the money to get me one of the Lubitel. sigh.... it's really really chio.

if anyone realise, my blog skin seem plain. but hey, simplicity is it. no more drama-wanna-be-graphic-designer fiddy. hahaha.... speaking of which,editorial gonna start soon. thank god. i thought it went dead.

it's funny how stressful i was at 9pm just now,rushing thru my IS notes. and now, spending time with my bloggie.... yesh,i'm lazy. i admit. but whatever you think,i don't care. oh by the way, i realised some people just have bad tast in women.hahaha.... i hope he's reading this. your bike may be cool,but your babe ain't. hahah... oh yeah, have i annouced? i pass my rtt. first take. now, once the nightmare is over,it's time to plan my life back on the track. in fact my fitness should be literally back on the track. damnit. lights out.

ps: thank you Ibrahim and Bryan who has influenced me on the OC. now i'm a freak for it. if only i could get my hands on the 2nd season which is currently showing in the states.

::: for thee, i forsake :::

"May the Gods be with you"

finally i understand why the Helen of Troy is so infamous. gosh. call me superficial, but a war because of a beautiful woman? hundreds of men died for that woman? yes, Helen of Troy triggered the war. even if she hadn't, the warfare would have still go on. but still.... arghhhh....

tell something. do u have in your everyday life, come upon a story from your fren,or from his/her fren that their frens has this story of men fight for a girl? not in this century. no man will do that. "ade perempuan lain pe....!!!" "siak ah... pasal perempuan ko gaduh?"

argh...i feel so disappoint in men. let's say Guy A like Girl A who is with Guy B. What will Guy A do? nothing. nothing to get Girl A. why? because all men have the perception that there will many other girls to who they can conquer. but think about it. it's easy to fall in love,but hard to fall in live with someone you know that she will be the one in your life.

arghhh... fuck this whole issue. in fact my issue for today is my poverty. yes, ms Fiddy who once always have her monthly spree has left the building. sigh. everything seems to be going wrong. everything. even him. i think my money that i've saved up for the iPod mini is gonna burn too. looks like i have to cancel my reservation. just when i really liek something so much. it's a bitchy world.

::: the day i tried to let loose :::

jamming was great except me. Amanda, Keith and Joel were awesome. manage to take some flicks during the session. Gy,as usual, would be the curly looking one on the drums. furrrrrrrr..... hehehehwe came up with the new tunes for the next jamming session. too bad we are having it 2 weeks time. all because i have a major paper this coming weekend. hee... thanks guys.

feel free to just keep the pics for yourselves.


our little and youngest Amanda,who awesome being a left handed guitarist.



ahh...GYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!


this is Safti Boy,Joel!!!!


sorry keith,didnt have a good shot of you.


me.fin.

::: i did some reality check :::

5 days. IS. hmm. Data,Information, Systems and other many things i have yet to read on. this is what crash bourse means,i guess. darn. i know it sounds like i'm regretting, but i'm not. well, at least i'm trying to. darn. the best part of this so-called crash course is that, i have yet to touch IBM. hmmm... okok.let's not bore you peeps peeping into my blog. (yes i know u're peeping.)


been getting mysterious calls lately. private number. in fact, it's not mysterious. it's getting irritating. one, i dun even know who is it. two, it happens so many times and no one seems to speaks on the other side. three, often disrupted my course of study. i hates calls like this. the fella pay for getting thru my phone and yet, no voice to be heard. at LEAST, hear me out. i say HELLO! at least hear what i have to say,rather than just putting it down the moment it got thru.sigh. it seems redundant for changing my number.

sigh...it's sunday now. werk then jam. at least i'm gonna have some fun later at jamming. just know it. shall let loose a little. just a little. very little. not even visible. ha...who am i kidding.

financial crisis coming over me. pity my Daddy.really. i have no idea that we had to come to this end. suggested to Madam that we sell this house. at least we can help Daddy and ...me. my chances of doing another degree is very low at the moment. i know it sounds silly of me doing another degree when i can;t even handle one. but hey, i have the interest. the 2nd one would be me taking it part-time while working. bottomline,don't you dare ask me when am i getting married. fin.

my company's getting up soon. very soon. the moment my exam ends,i'm going ahead with it. yup, one-man show. what you expect. it's a dog eat dog world. it's pretty obvious that i would never want to end up a bureaucrat. but........we'll see how it goes. just how deniaLstaR Pro-D will go smoothly

::: how time flies :::

just chat with an old schoolmate from jc. my gawd,i realise how times make some one more older,mature and useless.heheheh


this is me in year 1.hahah....


me in year 2,at a band competition with my sis.


hahaha...this one is a funny one. me in year 3 ahahahah!!!!


hmmm...finally me in febuary '04


i just hate how i get less cuter. argh...ahahahah

:::Marx and his theories:::

this is just a guidelines for those who are doing last minute revision for the damn exam this friday.Any discrepancies,please acknowlegde me thru the shoutbox.

Karl marx. There's a Humanist side and Materialist side of this old man. I should have corrected that. Of this dead theorist.(i bet he'll haunt me later on in my dreams for this.)Anyway, he is one of the favorite theorist in my life. Why? Because he is practically like a witch. He sees the society like a crystal ball and predicted the future. And voila!! Look where we are now.Most of what we've been going through totally a replica of what he said back in the 19th century.

His critiques includes the other dead theorist like Althusser (criticize on the Marx Superstructure), Weber (critize on Praxis where he introduce verstehen), Husserl (feudalism to capitalism), Gramsci (critize on Marx dialetical class), and Parsons (critizes on the positivist aspect as a interpertivist aspect).

"Religion is the opium of the people". Marx said this due to the fact that Feuerbach believed that the society used to have the mindcept that everything happen due religious belief. Marx agree, yet elaborated that religion should not be eliminated (initiated by Feuerbach). The society is built like his Superstructure.Economy being the base of the structure. Others like education, mass media, politics, etc are the causes of social change. Therefore he explained that religion keep people from being alienated due to the gawd-damn capitalism. Please note that I've done my own research and realise that this quote has often appear in papers. so please, do not deplete the quote in your head.

Capitalism,my favorite part of Marx. Marx explained how from the end of feudalism to capitalism. He made himself clear by statings the fact he see how the industrialization has caused people to be fall into the hands of the lords*. The factors of alienation and pauperization. How from CMC / CC into MCM. How a capitalist mind would run to make more and more profit by EXPLOITATIONS. How the bourgeoisie came about through the town dweller merchants and class of society. Commodities fetishism were a trend back then....and still...now.Exploitations of workers causes alienation. Gawd-dammit. Anyway, he came up with communism. How the class society would become into utopia*-classless society. Money and properties are communal. The fruits of labour are equal among people. The depletion of exploiters and the reign of exploited. hmmm..watelse did he said...??

If many of you have noticed, i never talked about Marx on his side of the story of bureaucrary. there's not much to say as Marx is mainly on his stand of social class whereas Weber* is more into organisation.

These are basically the impromptu and last minute revision that i got. Like Dr.Porn would explain, she would encourage the classification of Marx works through the times when he travelled from German to France to England. How he change his perspective as a Hegelian to the styles of Adam Smith. From a materialist aspect to the humanist Marx. "Men create history,but not to their own choosing."

So to all my frens who actually read this little notebook of mine, good luck for the paper. hopefully i am some kind of help.

::: one down,3 to go :::

i hate being poor. i really do. i used to lavishly spend on anything i set my eye on. but now, i have to close my eyes whenever i see something i like.in fact, i've stop making trips for window shopping.all because i might end up paying for something i don't need. argh. i envy all the Anak Lords i know. drive in nice cars, chick magnet, unlimited flow-cash and the best thing of all, they spend on friends rather than themselves. thanks guys.
i can't even get a decent meal nowadays. sigh. the problem is getting bigger now. Madam is talking about selling the house. fuck it ah.

felt good today that my stats and maths are done. "he" didn't join us today. thank god. anyway,felt like a burden has felt off my shoulder. now, the real nightmare begins this friday. argh....

:::damn u:::

first of all, i must say this first. Blogger came up with a new outlook. nice.

anyway, yes, damn u. stats was such a hectic paper and you just have to gloat it all. just because u're damn fucking smart, doesn't make you any different from a bastard with a big ego and "I'm fucking smarter than all of you" written in bold letters across your head. damn u, for ruining my whole day. it was a good stats paper to start off the exams this year, but you fucking ruined it off. yes i'm fat, but not as fat and big headed u have on your shoulder. "Members, memang members. Tapi members semua ade akal and perasaan!Bodoh!"

i was filled with anger, but realised that i'm just fucking wasting my time over this.i pity you now. living in a bigger denial than i am. thinking you're smarter than everyone of us, but for a true fact, u're just some lame ass jack of no trades.

i have just one thing to say to you,bozo.We'll see who will have the last laugh.

p.s::: u can go ahead and ruin my exams, but dun ruin my friends' exams. they are too precious to me. i dun want them to feel the way i do towards you. fucker.

:::i can't sleep:::

in a few hours time, i will be sitting for my first major paper. damn freaking out now.can't help it. frens sees me like one relax lass who just sit and watch them study.hahah... the little part of me that people will never come to know. yes,i studied. even thru the small little time in the bathroom,i'm reciting formulas. argh.... even my mum ask me to chill and have fun for a day. well i did. took sometime off just now after work to meet up with Gy and the new members. had a drink or so... (Foster does taste good.) i was first time in my relax mood since weeks. argh...the tension is so tight up in my head.

now i can't sleep. just read my formulas and stuff. so decided to just drop by here and might as well blog. arghhh... tension tension. and it's only the beginning of the nightmare. sigh...brings me back thru the times when i sat for the As....arghhh

okok... it's best to try sleeping with prozac now. nights.

::: is personal hobby become a thing in the past? :::

ok,here's something i cant accept. a fact that my ex-principal (not from Smss), is practically biased towards BLOGS.haha... what a joke. it was said to be a "waste of time". uhhh please..... what's wrong with the students having blogs? at least there's a place where people like us can voice out freewill being biase of our own particulars. remember the girl who committed suicide?the one from RJC or something.... she had a blog. she poured out her soul to that. now, that is not a waste of time. that is wat i believe to be "the place where we talk virtually." i mean...wat's up with preventing students having blogs? it's not a waste of time. in fact, it's a freaking good start to have a website of their own. i was encouraged to have a blogsite first,before i start my own site. in fact, come to thing of it, building a site of my own is more of a waste time, cause at least with blogs, the basics are already there.

ah...fuck it ah.... i'm pissed off just by writing all these news i come to know.

by the way, start bitching about me,ok? i feel good. ha!

::: what's up with angelfire???? :::

someone please tell me what's up with angelfire? all my pics in webshell aint able to get any connection with them. arghhh... have to just land in a world of simplicity.

:::RIP,Mrs Lee.:::

it funny how i have never tell about my secondary school life. i left it all behind when i went to JC. but today, i vividly remembered how it was like being in an all-girls school. it proper fun. i had a love-hate relationship with the school. but at the end of my stay, i hate leaving it. and i'm sure that's how Mrs Lee feels too at this momenT.

Mrs. Lee was not admitted through during my batch, till the last year of my stay. she was fierce. some gave a nickname of "bulldog" for her saggy cheeks. besides, she would monitor us like a dog. "your socks too high","pin up your tie", "your skirt too short." these little notations of how many would remembered her. she definately strict, but when you talk to her, she's like a friend,not a mother. today's front page on the Newpaper has her picture. that ticked me on how i realised that life is too precious. i assumed at that moment she just had a stroke and in the ICU. little that i know, an ex-classmate called to tell me that she passed away in the afternoon today.

i sat on my chair and just thought of her. a minute or so, to remember how she was. we weren't close,in fact she probably won't remember me. but that's not how it's supposed to be. she guided and nuture many like me,who were aimless and naive at point of times.she built St margarets right from the basics from where the last principal left. she was like a mentor to the school. many of us dislike her strict ways, but we learned. and look where we are all now. my classmates and i won't never forget the memories that we built in school. including Mrs Lee.

bottomline it, remember the memories that you built. life is so precious. even though Mrs Lee and i were just on profession basis, i can feel how it is like to lose a loved one. Mrs lee was a loved one to all St Margarets girls.

:::Broken:::



Broken - Seether feat Amy Lee

Shaun:
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laughed
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Amy Lee and Shaun:
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Shaun:
You've gone away
You don't feel me here
anymore

Amy Lee:
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Amy Lee and Shaun:
Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel right
I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Amy Lee and Shaun:
Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel right
I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Amy Lee and Shaun:
You've gone away
You don't feel me here
Anymore

::: damn u,Sasser!!! :::

yes,i was traumatised by this worm. a worm that traumatised my life. my life which consisted only my laptop. argh.... thank you Zaihan. you are my God for the week. from this i know how u are,what you are.hehehe..if you know what i mean.

because of this damn freaking worm,my blog was ignored. wanted to blog in my happening event,but hey,it's not too late to do it now.

Saturday was eventful. just remember this, "while the cat is away,the mice comes out to play". well, Madam definitely ain't no cat.she's a tiger. And i am not a mice, i'm a hamster.heheh... so anyway, went out with the boys for the whole night. went al-majlis for some food and sheesha. talked for a while about everything under the moonlight..... then head down for pool the rest of the night. wow. everyone played with everyone. it was fun. from the whole night, i narrowed down to say that Ibrahim is a hustler. damn. heheh....

i enjoyed the whole night. Nur drove his baby (Subaru),me in my dad's CRX and Ibrahim (as usual,anak Lord) in his Merc. fairuz and bryan plus my boy were there too. typically "Silent Killer",Fairuz, is another hustler.damn. ehehhe but overall, i enjoyed myself.so did everyone else.

it was already 3 am when we left the pool place.so i head down to M'sia to fill up my car tank. hmmm....heavy traffic jam on the way back. Art of war. truthfully. argh.....

sunday sucked out with work.realised that the kids i teach are nothing but bunch of fools. sigh... parents nowadays...

today is monday already. excatly 1 week til my exams. sigh.....


p.s::To fairuz,it's ok,man. just remeber this, All Racers Are Born Last.

::: Santa,please get me this. :::
sigh...the iPod Mini. isn;t it gorgeous. always wanted an iPod, but now....thanks to the great people at Apple,they have released the new iPod Mini. gotta get one of this for myself.won;t be hoping for anyone to get for me.seriously. anyway,the singapore price is roughly around S$430, which is slightly cheaper than the huge (sorry, Ibrahim) iPod. what else can i ask for, as it come in PINK!!!!!! woohoo!!!!! too bad they dun come in fuchsia.



jus go here to see the damn wonderful features,that i've been seeking for!!! sigh.... really gotta to save up drastically for this. that would mean, i have to cut down on the ciggies, the phone bills,my bike practicals...bla bla bla.... darn that i'm not calvinist. in fact, darn again that my dad is not calvinist!!!
so anyway,the ship of the iPod mini will be coming in June,according to Ibrahim,cause he somehow knew that it has been in hot deman in the US,so it would be touching down on our shores in June. sighh....ain't it dreamy? by the way,i think i'll be ordering it overseas when i have the dough,cause they can engrave your name on it.hee..waddya think of "deniaL staR" ?????

::: in search for some reality check :::

i'm a freak with Next America's Top Model. The season one ended so sad. for me that is. my favorite girl wasn't the top one. it was another bitch,who i never thought of her as model,instead, i though of her as a normal looking lowly-ex-waitress model. arghh...why????why not Elyse Sewell?!?!?!? to me, she fit every criteria....argh.... don;t you think she's hot?




i won't bother to paste the winner's pic here. cause i do not want to see Adrianne Curry's face. argh.... I think Elyse Sewell is sort of a nice role model in my life right now. tell me something,how possible is it to take a double degree in 3 years??? well,she did. in fact,she still ambition as a doctor. i love her so much.....