table kosong

table kosong,k?

ahhh.... been like so busy this week. emotionally and physically, tired. emotionally cause i found out something bad about Budiman. i just dunno how well i'll be able to do this. i mean, he always gets to me. i just wan to move on. but .... sigh.

anyway. been busy yesterday doing the shoot-outs.haha.... thank gawd. everything went ok, except tt for the distortion of the video. special thanks to nafil who was our cameraman. the exciting part was actually the posting. I had to personally go to Abacus Plaza at tampines to hand it in. it was actually around 12.10 am in the morning, haha... being a great fren, Nafil accompanied me all the way to tampines. we reached the place , made friends with the security guard and he let us in to the AXN office to have our package handed in. haha.... i told Azhar Scum and he believed that i must have used my favorite "Puppy Eyes" look. haha...

and now we wait.

went to yishun to chill with nafil and his 2 other guy frens. not bad. i learnt alot about bikes. of cos, they are new frens.tt's what i should do. open up my circle of frens. :)

my candy, Khai, is now an ex-candy. he has a gf now. hmmm.... shaipul was shockd. azhar scum was shocked. i was surprised. but i'm happy for him. and i told him that even though we're not meant to be, it's meant for him to fall for another.

the reason for my heading (table kosong,eh?) is because it happen just now with nafil. everytime one of us made the rest turned off or pissed off or said something, we'll start saying," dah lah. table kosong ade? duduk sana ah...." haha... dammit.

new project

new project.

nest week, i'll be on a whole-week-off-from-work. yahoo!!! hey hey, here's the list of things to do for next week.

1. Fix my wardrobe!!!
2. Cleaning the insides of my computer. (The hard disk is overloaded with my project stuff.Gotta re-arrange and delete some stuff.)
3. Register for my class 2A.
4. Survey for Sixsixone gloves.
5. Watch Gubra. (Die,die, must watch)
6. Get some new lingerie (*wink*wink*) therapy.
7. Do a line-up for my study-scheme for HRM, MSM and SEP. (yippe!! only 2.5 units to study for now!!!)
8. Watch Ice Age 2.
9. Meet my dear fren Fifi who had been here for like a whole 2 weeks, yet i failed to go out with her.

Hmm.. that's a whole lot of things,ain't it? now i wonder if i can get everything done in a week. hmm...

Hold that thought!!! a recent new project had just been annouced!!! haha.... it's a top-secret. will only let out the secret when the time is right. Will be doing it with Syu though. surely, u guys will know from her blog. haha... i'm like so freaking excited...!!! turns out, i've got friends who knows friends in the production line!!! might help,right? hehe...

looks like most of the items above would be put off again.... haha...

500th Entry

500th Entry

I didnt realise that this is my 500th entry. hehe.. how times flies. it seems liek yesterday that Deedil was teaching me how to blog and stuff. i suppose he too will be reaching (or over) his 5ooth entry. hehe.

i had a lot of agenda today. but looks like, all that can wait.

i heard some news about a fren who is somehow or rather in pieces similar than i. truthfully, i cant say i feel the same. because that is definitely impossible. but i definitely had the same feelings of un-return passion. i love to share my story, but i rather not. sometimes, i believe that experiences like this make us more mature and gives us the ability to be on our guard. seriously, i grew more mature through relationships than studies or work. going through a bad break-up or unrequited love, make me learnt that sometimes, we girls are always at losing end. it's true that we're one of those really,really emotional homo sapiens, next to men. one aspect, ppl failed to see is that, Scorpio girls are the worst species when it comes to relationships. i love astronomy. and i so believe in horoscope. i am a scorpio. i know myself very well. when we scorpions fall in love, we fall hard. when we fall on our knees, we fal harder in our tears.

in contrast to that, we are well known to be the great ones in adapting. for me at least. i am a very positive person. even though the percentage of me feeling negative is high sometimes, i love to look at the bright side. i had my falls. many falls. fell in love hard but only to know that i'm at the losing end. but we all know life move on. for me, curfew is still there, have parents to support and have exams to work hard for. so what's a fall like that compare to wat i will HAVE to go through in the days to come.

seriously, it's just up to us to think of ways to free ourselves from misery. depression? heh.. i was there. suicidal? heh.. i was there too. but it takes us to just snap out of it. i did. and look where i am now. i'm feeling better than ever in my other aspects of life. but if i were to be given another chance, i would make it right. and like i said it before. if only someone can make me go to the time of 8th jan 2001, i'm probably the happiest girl right now.

so to whoever's feeling down right now, try not to miss out the laughter and joy around us when friends are there to cheered us on. try not to forget that life is better with positive thoughts. try to remember to appreciate the present as it wont be here long. lastly, try to remember the guy upstairs who believe in us to believe in Him.

p.s: I just have to add this. cause i know he will be reading this. to my fren who actually went to the Gerhana showcase last week, "U ass!!!". WHERE ARE THE VIDEOS OF THE SHOWCASE. i know u enjoyed the freaking show while i worked my ass off at Expo. argh...

hello

what have i been up?

officially, i'm one-burden down. my projects are completed and they are now in the hands of Shariah.

the weekends (fri,sat,sun) was pretty busy. woah.. busy terus. Expo Halal Food Fair was awesome. 10am-10pm, turut-turut. this is where u never get to see a 69-year-old man singing and dancing in a Dangdut competition. anyway,busy busy busy. if only u know how tiring that is. i haven even got enough sleep. if i were to decide to have a nice long sleep, i bet it will last for at least 2 days. but i can't. i still got classes and work to go to. i can't believe the nerve of some people who actually thot that i work so hard cos i'm money-minded and missed my shopping days. eh hallo. what i'm working for now is for my debt to my angel and for rainy days. i wasn't born with a silver/gold spoon in my mouth. i do not have parents who gives me allowances to spend in month. i actually stopped getting allowances since my JI days. i had to work for money. call me money-minded? fine. like watever.

anyway, there was a theft at the shop earlier in Tampines. yea, the one at tampines. someone actually tried to steal our money. an AhPek. police came down, took statements and pictures. the AhPek is now under investigations i suppose. i always think that stealing like this is no fun. if u wanna do something risky, go all the way. like the bank?

met Khai a few days ago. i mean, hallo. my shop is at Tampines which is like totally a traffic light away from Century Sq where he works. got the Dave Pelzer book from him,finally.when i started reading the book, i just couldn't put the book down. it's a trilogy and it took me within a few hours to finish the first part. like wow. it's touching,saddening and heart-warming book. Rafique actually told me that this is the 3rd worst case of child abuase in America. then i wonder... what is the 1st worst case.

after so many days of working non-stop, i felt like i'm missing out a detail in my life. hmm... can't be about school.something else. i just can't put a finger on it.

then it struck me last saturday. i met up my Mngs gang at simpang bedok for a late-late supper. Shaipul,Nur and Rafiq, to be exact. well Farhana and Siti was there too. i was happily enjoying my teh-cino when it struck me that my closest frens from this gang are totally not-single. what i mean is that, Rafiq is getting married, Nur is with Farhana. and now, even my bestie has a gf. Mayra is married and no longer chill alot with us. Pinky left in peace. the rest of the Mngs? oh they are not in Mng anymore. so anyway, i realised that i'm probably the only one left. yes, the single one. hmm.. it feels like i'm lost.

totally. i know they dun say it to me, but i know they meant well when they show concern towards this issue on me. every1 of them was expecting to see the boy with me again. but sadly, we're not. and they obviously feels the vibe when i dun attend outings whenever the boy is there. it's not that i do not want to hang with them, but it's because i don't want them to feel uncomfortable just because their closest 2 people in the group is having a strain. now i wonder is being single a bad thing in Mng? hee...

my other group of frens? oh.. the KL ones? hmm... i have no comments. since the cards were all thrown open on the table, everyone seems distanced. really awful.

besides,i'm just too busy now to glue any event for anyone. seriously. but i wish for someone to glue my broken pieces of life again. seriously, i'm still as broken as i was a few weeks back. i still have lots of pieces to fix back. but i just can't. every1 at work thinks i'm the only one without worries other than school. yea, school is always on my mind. but no one asked anything else. i'm still that same jovial person i was cause i never fail to smile and be happy. is that really myself? hmmm.... maybe i should be an actress.

de-bugged

i'm de-bugged

ARGHHHH!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!! IT's 4.30AM and my program just have to get sucky now. arghhh... i'm really very very very fed up now. i finally finished my thesis which i hope Mat and pass me the printed version tomo (thank u,Mat. i don't know wat i'll do without your help in this). yes, i should be celebrating tomo (at werk,of cos) because i assumed that since i'm done with the ISP and the documentation of SEP, i can do a little of celebration with Nafil (who by the way, been hearing my woes abt my projects for the past few weeks.).

BUT NOW!!! IT sucks!!! i've finished the documentation and the program just brokedown on me!!! i need rafique!!! But... it was rafique's 18th 28th birthday yesterday. hate to really spoil his day by bugging him. but my program is bugging me!!!! i have to get the whole thingy done by friday!! all because i cut my saturday and sunday off due to this big event at Expo FoodFair thingy. oh yea, ramly burger will be at Expo this weekend. come down and watch me,aight?i'll be there on sat and sun 10am-10pm.hee...

ARGHHH!!! (Back to my whinings...) What am i gonna do. if i dont hand in by monday, i'm gonna be postponing my own target and even worst, delay the start of my other subjects revision. i cant believe i would say this, but WHAT THE HELL!?!!!?!?!?

one word. HELP.

no more offdays

no more offdays.

sigh. i had to take urgent leave today due to some engagements that was made a long,long tiem ago. now, i have no more offdays. even on sunday. which means, i cant watch Gerhana Ska Cinta perform this sunday at esplanade. hmmm... takpe la. at least i'll be werking and money comes in. i just cant wait til i earn enough to pay off my debts of my angel. cos as long as i have not clear his debts, i wont be able to buy anything for myself,pay my handphone bills or my internet bills. argh. money is always a problem in my life. tapi takpe, money can always be earned.

it's wednesday and 2 days away til friday. hmm.. yes. i hope to go to school this friday to do my print outs and binding. Shariah did say she wants them in by Monday Morning. Monday morning it shall be. next week, my local revision starts. looks like i've gotta cut down the number of days of werking.

too phat

Too Phat Feat. Inul - How Me Seksi.

the weekend was well-taken off. did my room clean-up and managed to get my wardrobe from Ikea and some other necessary stuff for the room. but u know what song kept ringing in my head over my busy weekend? this new duet from Too Phat and Inul. I thot the collaboration of Toophat and Siti (Dua dunia) was awesome. But How Me seksi was pretty more awesome. U know why? cos i just realised that i have an awesome system going on in my room. u see, i have this 4.1 Altec Lansing for my speakers and stuff. didnt really expolited them til i re-do my whole room and implemented all the speakers surrounding my room.... Alamak,Brudder... Gua punya bass gerek ah.... Lagi2 lagu Too Phat tu....

hear the song with Altec Lansing, and u know what i mean.

Anyway, the shopping thingy at Ikea was great. I actually spent quite a lot that now i'm officially a Friends member. haha... always wanted to be one cos i'm a big fan of D.I.Y stuff from Ikea and all the funky lamps and quilt covers they have. now that they are opening a new branch over at Tampines, i just feel that i should just work for them! hee... got a new wardrobe waiting for me to fix them. a lot of drilling to be done. but i'm putting everything off til teh weekend cos i got projects to be done. yes, i've promised myself and to everyone who paid attention in my blog that i will get them done by this friday. so that i can hand it over to Shariah by monday.

work? yea, i had to work. but monday was pretty messed up cos my sister was unwell and i had to drive and set-up the new stall over at Bukit Panjang. phew. that was a lot of work done. I like working this way u know. i'm really a mobile-person. u cant put me in an office 9-5 doing paper work. u get the best of me if u get me on the road. haha...

even though i didnt manage to meet up Rafiq and Nur for project discussion, i didnt feel bad this time cos of previous bubbled-incidents by them. i didnt tell rafiq of my intentions and my working schedule. so yea, i was more than happy to encourage them to keep up in teh project and try to meet Shariah's dateline.

enough said. back to to my nice bass-line tunes.

mum thinks i'm nuts

mum thinks i'm nuts

the moment i reached home, i was pretty tired from work. phew. tampines ppl sure know how to spend well during pasar malam. haha. endless of burger-wrapping for me. but i was more crapping with the new kids than werk hehe.... so the moment i got home, i actually switch on my computer and realise some missing files. therefore, i had to switch on my notebook to actually transfer the files over to the PC. this is where mum comes in and thought i'm just getting too stress over the dateline. but hey. i werk better under stress.

then.... never i thought in my life, that this could happen..... my mum made milo lah for me!! alamak... punya lah touchin.... haha... i guess sometimes i got to act to werk hard and under stress to get such treatment. hehe. ok lah. back to the SEP-ing.

just one more furniture

Just one more furniture.

i admit it. i totally ignored my projects for the day. but it was a fruitful-fruitful day! my room is dust -free!!! oh wait, maybe for just the next few days. hehe... oh wait! first, let me tell u how the day goes.

11am.
I woke up feeling droggy cos of the dust that i caught while cleaning the night before. but it's ok. drank my usual dosage of coffee and it was gone! called my brother. hmm... he hasn't woke up yet. hmm... just had this gut feeling that he will be late. drank my coffee finish and started to clear some trash from last night.

12pm
I've ended dismantling that huge-huge bed singled-handedly. my brother? no news. sigh. i hate it when he sleeps late. he ends up waking up only when there's a tsunami. called Mat and no answer. in fact, no ringtone at all! hmm... was so pissed off wondering if these 2 gizmos are gonna bubble me today.

1.30pm
"Sowie. Ady baru bangun. I'll be there soon. Jgn takut. Naik RVF." hmmm... well, true enough, he reached soon. i guess it pays to ride a fast bike. Mat? well, he called finally and said he'll arrive before 3pm. alhamdulillah.

3.30pm (sharp!)
the lorry arrived and we started to move in the bedroom set up the 14 foot lorry.it's really a huge lorry,u know. i can golek2 inside also. but of cos i didnt wanna look like a fool on the expressway to Jurong.

5.30pm
every thing was in the house and the 3 of us just slacked back for a while. Ady kept talking to Mat about the new job and stuff.i was getting sleepy cos i was tired. heh... macam fiddy pulak yang angkat almari2 tu. hee... "Assalamualaikum!" awww man... the in-laws from Pandan came. i love the mum actually. i wish my mum was like her. but just one thing. she jus cant stop talking. hehe... very very nice lady,she is. Mat left shortly, and i left for dreamland for a while. after mahgrib, the mum and dad left, leaving the youngest sister (she's my age and she still whines like a 4-year-old). she brought her best fren too. luckily the best fren not like that.

8.30pm
I took out the bike-polish to polish some parts of my bike. Which part? the parts where my previous p-plate sticker was on. yes, my frens, i'm officially off the p-plate. it was 9th march actually. but i needed the polish first. while i was doing that, the pizza guy came. after i paid the guy, the pizza guy's sister smsed me! haha.. turns out it was Azza's brother. now u know how uncommon the name Irni is.

9.40pm
dinner was done, final fantasy ended and off i went back home. cos obviously, i have my own room to clean up. since then til now, i finally did everything. wat's left, is the new wardrobe. hoping it will be in by Monday. i really really really need a place to put in all my clothes.

i've even managed to arranged my bears in place. they looked happy just like me. oh, by the way, now that i can finally walk freely in my room, i can even dance or do my yoga!! really! i have more space now. hehe oh well, now i gotta get to bed. gotta werk tomo. but of cos, before i go to bed, i gotta at least do something on my project. heee....

halfway thru

halfway thru.. ugh ugh.

when i started doing this whole facelift thingy for my room, i didnt expected it was THAT tedious. haha. i rather werk whole 2 weeks selling burgers than do this again. but, i got thru. now i'll just wait for the "movers" to come later to carry out the furniture. by monday, i'll have a new furniture and it will be re-arranging time. dammit. i miss having maids. haha

anyways, as i was clearing my stuff, i found 2 precious boxes. one was when i was with Big Bear and the other one was when i was with Deedil. sigh. memories and tears came thru, especially when i saw the laminated picture of me and BigBear on the day of his Investiture. he was wearing JI blazer and his hair was neatly Armani-ed. i miss those days. yes, the sexy calfs i used to have, the above knee-length skirt and the nothin-but-Nike-that-can-cover my feet.
i'll keep these boxes til death do me part. they are really worth keeping cos, it's days like today when u clean your room once a year(ok,maybe twice), u get to remember them again.

my project update!!! I'm proud to say that i'm just left with the Testing issues for SEP. ISP? hmm... i hope by sunday night, i'm done with SEP, so i have 4 days left to finish up ISP. yippee is the word when comes Thursday.

My night of Teh-Cino

Nothin beats the life of Teh Cino and Samporna

When work was done just now, Nafil and I decided to go get out fav Teh cino at Jalan Kayu since it's like the nearest place from our work spot. So yea, it was just Nafil and I. He got me the same coca-cola t-shirt i threw away in KL after the ATV event. hee... it's my fav t-shirt and always wanted to keep it. so now, i have a brand new one from Bangkok. we talked about lots of stuff. expecially relationship wise. One thing i know about him is that, he can never get the girl he wants. pity him though.

and comes along an old flame. sigh. the one who i don't really like to talk about and to. the one who tried to get fresh with my other fren. the one who still dates other girls, even though he already has a great gf. bastard. it's an amazing reaction that he had when he saw me with Nafil. i get he assumed that's my new bf. haha. ass. watever. like i care.

anyway, u-know-who had been calling these few days. smses too. sometimes i wonder why is he doing to me. just by a simple sms can hurt my day. i really want to disappear from his life. i do not wish to be the scar he will have forever. now that things are like this, it makes me wonder what exactly he wants. in fact, he doesnt even know what he wants. how can i be with someone who do not know his own needs before mine? ish..... i still heart for him, but not in this way. liek i said from the start. i just want him to be happy. and if my disappearance will bring him happiness, then that's it.

right now, i have exactly 1 week left to clear my projects. i do not wish to have anything else on my plate this week, other than my projects and my furnishing-room stuff. so if u-know-who and anyone else who wants to be in my life right now, u have to hold on. let me get my studies going first before anything else. also right now, i know someone else is trying to get into my life these few weeks. i'm sorry but i really cant handle matters of the heart now. really. it's the truth when i say that my studies are more important than anything else. well yea, of cos. my part-time job. other than that, i have no time. i'm really sorry. as much as i want everyone to wait for me, please do so. but if shit happens, i'm sorry. it's really not a choice of mine to place my studies above anyone else.

renovating.

re-furniture-ring

i know i should only do a make over of my room AFTER the exams.But officially this saturday (4pm,exact), the main furniture in my room will be taken over to the Jurong house. sigh. yes, my bed,wardrobe and dressing set will be off the room floorplan. but hey,at least this will give me the chance to actually do my room like i wanted it to be. so today i spent my whole day (yes, i didnt touch my projects at all) cleaning and dismantling (still a lot more to go this friday) of the furniture in my room. I know this whole thing sounds a lot of time taken up. but no worries. i've gave myself a week to actually finally call my room "Complete". so yes. i will only take my own sweet time to finish up my room in a week cos my projects are pretty much the important ones right now.Oh man... i'll have to sleep on the floor til then???

gonna get my queen sofa bed back from my mum. yippe! my fav. it's the type where it's totally on the floor and it's queen size!!! Boleh golek2 again!!! all i need to find now is a wardrobe. typically me, i'm the Ikea type. so yea, my mum will be helping some on the cash part and helped on the various sizes that would suit my room. Mum, i know u loveeeeee to put a lot of furniture in my room. but this time, i'm going for the minimal look. i've got the biggest room in the house,u see. that is why my mum love to add new "things" in my room. anyway, wardrobe. i dun really like to own a huge one. but i realised that i NEED a huge one cause of all the clothes i've got. OMG.

so anyway, already got my sis permission to borrow her van cos i wanna save on the delivery charges by Ikea. so Monday it shall be!!! now.. who is gonna help me out on this? I need a burly, huge man to help me with the load. we're not talking about a chair or a coffee table. we're talking about a wardrobe. plan to get a 2-door type and a chest drawer. so yea, any help...plllllleeeeeaaassseeee?????????

so true

so true????

grabbed this from Azza'a blog, which i found really quite so-true. hehe.

Scorpio women<--TT's Me!!
-A simple woman.
-She displays herself with her act much more than trying to say it for it's in her character.
-A Scorpio woman has her own mysterious personality.
-She is confident.
-she has a spirit of free soul.
-She thinks being a plain simple housewife is boring.
-You may say sweet words which could sweep any woman, but not with the Scorpio woman.
-She always smile and she can really hide her feeling.
-She will constantly show you that she loves freedom. If she has freedom, she will not leave you, but will even love you more. If she wants something, she will do everything to get it.
-She has her own sixth sense of people and you can feel that energy feed back when you around her.
-She likes a man who can earn her respect, and she will also respect and feel proud of that man.
-She likes heavy music.(tHIS I CANT AGREE,REALLY)
-If she loves you, it will be no matter what other people may say.
-If you play a cold war with her, she will treat you likewise.
-If you are nice to hear, she will double that to you as well. A real fair woman.
-She likes to make and spent money.
-If you like her, play a little hard to get. This will excite her a bit.
-Always go to pick her up ON TIME or better to go 5-10 minutes early.

fat-o-phobia

confessions of a shopaholic

remember i used to be this really spendthrift person? hee... i miss that girl. i actually paused my shopping till i have a whole sum of money. which is impossible at the moment.This is bcause, i have yet to pay back my angel that $600 i owe him for the exams fees and a pending $300++ of hp bills. i'm just so awful. i cant help it. i have to cut the time for working because of my studies. but until then, i am allow to fantasize on the things i would like to buy, can't i? here's just a few.

• that $78 worth Baby-G watch i saw at Mustafa. remember the earlier post where i posted the pic? that's the one.
• Fox Racing Inc Digit gloves. OMG,if u love dirtbike like i do, this is a must have. I have yet to find out the exact price, but thru forums, it cost $50-$55. the reason why i'm keen on this is because, i'm keen on the next item.
• the next item of cos, is my Class 2A lessons. Officially, i'm off th P-Plate for 2B this 9th March. the training cost is like $50(registration) + $10 (theory lesson) + $26x4 (for 3+1 practicals) + $36 (the TP test) = approx $220. so yes, i will be taking 2A cos the next item.
• this item is the suicidal one. but i really,really hope to get this by end of the year, or earlier. yes. the Bright Red Suzuki DR-Z. heh.... dreamy, ain't it?
• i would need some extra cash to get some formal clothing for work. i think i cant set the price now. oh well.

so yea, these are the few things i would hope to get. hehe.... as u can see, i'm bored in school right now. too much ISP-ing and SEP-ing. so might as well day-dream for a while. hehe.... i'm so typical.

morning

morning.. eh wait. its nearly 2pm

ahhh.. good afternoon ladies and "wild boys". here i am, still in my tank top and my "Be Mine" Joe boxers. hee... cute tau my boxers!!! i slept well. i slept ard 5am this morning.and here i am, sipping my coffee over blogging.

Proud to say that burning the midnight oil, made me missed the days where i mugged over ISDM and Sociology. i used to love studying at the wee hours.sigh.. probably since now i'm on a "merajuk" strike with Rafiq and Nur, i'll just study at home.

just read Azna's blog. alahai... malas tau... she lovey-lovey still with the bf. really the romantic punya orang tau!!! sigh. now, where can i find that type of guy? haha.

ok la.. back to my thesis Findings....

even mum knows

even mum knows there's something wrong

i think i mention this before.that if i'm upset or angry or just pissed off, i do alot of cleaning. and when i woke up this morning, i was frustrated that my room was full of dust. so yea, my room is in the midst of cleaning. next would be my table full of notes. i'm really upset. there was a "storm" last night. and i really need to just get it over.

surprisingly, my mum had learnt over the years that i only clean my room or any part of the house, either when i'm upset/angry OR after she start nagging for a week. and this time, she didnt nag. she knew i was angry about something. and i'm glad she ask. told her everything what happened. eventually, i saw a sight of her that i never knew existed. she LISTENED. and she adviced on how life can be complicated. and even told me to imagine how her life was when her mother-in-law hated her when she married my dad. she had to faced a lot of obstacles and even took care of the 4 of us single-handedly while my dad was busy working and "socialising". i knew about all of this. but i totally forgot how she suffered under my grandma. seriously, u guys, my grandma was one nasty woman. even when she died, i felt that her nastiness was still there. in fact, i remembered how she never liked any one of us (sisters). but may her soul be in peace now.

like how my grandma was nasty to my mum, my mum still believed that she would never be like that. as much as she is unhappy with her son-in-laws, she still tries to be happy. all because she loves my sisters. she wants us to be happy. and to tell u the truth, that is is one risk she's taking. until now, i believed that she is purely happy cos all my sisters are happy.

ok now, back to my cleaning. i need a bath soon. gotta werk later on.

death and departed

death and departed

my last entry was at 2am plus. it was when i was forcing myself to do the thesis data analysis. i tried to go to sleep at 3am. but i couldnt't. well i did sleep eventually. then i woke up at 6plus. did my prayers and put on my running shoes. i know i needed to run to just let go of all the anguish i had to sleep on. so i did. i ran and ran. even did my favorite sprint lanes at my favorite spot. but of cos, eventually i managed to have a bath afterwards and got some hours of sleep til 12pm just now.

anguish. a word i never knew i would use. he really did me wrong this time. after all the promises and the never-hurt-you-again conversations, i was pushed to my limit now. and this is it, my frens. i'm pulling away from everything about him. everything. i do not wish to get hurt ever again by these actions he does (with no form feelings of guilt in his heart). i'm really sick and tired of being pulled back like this. i amazed myself when i thot about all the things i stupid-ly believed. i know some common frens of ours believed that it is always me who actually took the easy way out of relationships. truthfully. none of them knew the real story. i wasn't the one who puts the phone down when an unknown fren calls over the 2nd line. i wasn't the one who rather watch television than finish the conversation we're having. i wasn't the one who promise that i would never hurt the party again. i wasn't the one who actually left the relationship without a word/call/sms or even email. to this limit, i really do not care about our so-called common frens. they are judgemental to any thing they want to believe in. but to me, i think everyone had tested my patience enough.

i'm pulling back everything in my life together. and this time, i wont be including him. i lost too much tears and time over someone who only make empty promises. i sacrificed too much for someone who only peirced me with an invisible knife. i'm not some girl that u can play around with. i've got better things to do.

it's pathetic enough that i've got no one to talk to with about this except my blog. but so be it. at least he has his bump-backs to fall on.i know what i'm gonna say next will be controversial. if he thinks that just by going to the Holy land will clear his conscience of what he went thru in life, that is where he is so wrong. one sin, i begged to differ. it's the sin of having no-guilt for treating me like this. other than that, i prayed for his safety in departing and returning.

envy

one of the 7 sins : envy

i envy alot of my frens. really. they have frens who are always there for them. they have frens to fall back on when they are sad in bgr thingy.they also have frens to hang out with every day to enjoy everything under the sun.

i know me. i'm one hard ice princess who has this image that i can handle everything on my own. actually. i can't. i'm really going thru a bad time right now. not becos of school. becos of him who constantly have the ability to hurt me time to time. and yes, he hurt me today. practically, i'm shattered in the inside right now. seriously. i am. all i need now is just one fren who could just come up to me and say everything will be alright. that is all i ask for. and u know what, there wont be anyone like that. cos everyone has their own frens. my frens? maybe we can just call them "associates" since they are not really close to me and "friends" would really make them look back if they are associated to me.

my bestie?hmm.. let's not disturb him,k? he has his own gf problem to start with. right now what i really miss is to actually satisfy myself with a brownie+vanilla ice cream+whipped cream topping. i think that would make me less hurt for a while.

happy

happy birthday,sis.

yesterday was my sister's birthday. sadly for her and my other fren Rafiq, both are basically 2-to-30 this year. hee.. happy birthday sis!

new outlook.

as dumb as many of u could be, the smart ones would notice that i've re-vamped a little here-and-there for this site. hope it looks ok. if it doesnt, don't come back.

i'm quite pissed off this week. frens (so-called "members") bubbled impromtu-ish whole week. punctuality became a thing of the past and valid reasons became white elephants. sometimes i wonder why do i deserved all these. it's like... i'm really a person with initiatives and likes to bring about motivation to others. but somehow or rather, these actions are often repaid with bad punctuality, last minute cancellation of plans and worst, not a reply on explanations/apologies for the bad actions. i think everyone of them forgot how sarcastic i can be. they also forgot that i can sulk for weeks without talking.

anyway, i realise that things can never be the same again in my social life. as much as i see it, he doesnt like me the same way i like him anymore. distance are getting longer and choices became more multipled. so it made me feel that my decision is pretty much invalid.sigh. like as if anyone out there care. goodnight

peace

If u only think of the past, u will never appreciate the present.

read the quote/title. if u ever want to use, remember to reference Fiddy. cause i made the quote and it will be plagarism if u use it without referencing me. OMG. i think my thesis had just gotten my head too much.

anyway, it's true, really. if u keep thinking of the past, u will never get to appreciate the present. Not to mention, the future.

i'm hardly fully clothed as i typed now cause i'm waiting for the cue given by Nafil to leave and meet at Marina. we're heading for the Career fair thingy. will be meeting my bestie there. i totally woke up from my dreamy head when he called to tell me that he actually went for the ESAP mock. haha. reality sure bites. HC "nudged" me on MSN earlier to go for the SEP mock. hey. i have no idea how i would get thru that 3 hour paper without any piece of knowledge in me. my gawd. i am so disappointing. for 2 years, i was prepared for my mock around this time of the year. not fully, but usually at least 60%. this year, my projects overloaded me and hence i didnt make it in time to study for my other subjects. sigh.

oooooo i nearly forgot!!!! Yesterday i was one freaking-happy person. remember my Intel internship thingy? my gawd!!! Elaine called to tell me that now, i'm shortlisted for the interview. Intel is only hiring 2 interns this year. i know my chances may be slim. but at least i have a chance!!! Elaine will be sending 5 applicants to Intel for them to shortlist to 2 interns. i've got like 2 out 5 chances to be picked. I know the probablity is quite skewed, but at least i have a chance.Elaine actually told me that i have more chance cos of my degree course. even if i didnt get the interview, at least i was actually considered by them. my gawd... i think i just jinxed it. no no no... i will be great for the interview. in fact, i'm gonna be more than great cause i really want that spot. badly.

ok. Nafil just called. good afternoon.