i hate

i hate...

sometimes u think u have something, but actually u dont, it hurts as much as trying to get it (and failure to do so.)

i always think that when u love someone, u get to be selfish. really selfish. so when do u come to a point that enough is enough? never.

right now, i have a thesis to complete. but some people out there are just not helping. yes, i got distracted by these some people. argh. i just wan to focus. but noooooooo......... "let's not give fiddy the liberty to focus.....let's give her the problems in life....."

argh.

Transparent

Transparency. It's takes alot to be transparent than be transparent.

I learnt that i've really grown up from last time. Mentally. Physically, maybe but tt's not the point here.so anyway, i kept thinking of how i made mistakes in life. truthfully, i regret most of them.Most of all, i regret the fact that i didnt stick around long enough to know what could had happen if i actually stay close with Pinky. Then it struck me that mistakes are common. we're just homo sapiens like everyone else we see on the streets. Everyone makes mistakes. It's either u take it as a lesson or a challenge. Somehow, others took it as a regret when it comes to a point that they do not know how to rectify the problem. To Fiddy? hmm... depends actually.

One really great thing about me is that, i rather let others be happy than me. i know it sounds so superficial. but i feel at ease when i see happy people. in fact, i wish everyone be happy with what is around them. sometimes, i make sacrifices for people around me just because i would want them to be happy. e.g. I love to make my mum happy, so i would reach home early so that she doesnt get worried. and just by doing that, i know she's happy that i'm home. sigh. but i said it before, "Another girl's happiness is another's misery." I do not wish to be that former one. i rather be the latter. why? cos it's important to be happy. for me, i'm a normally happy person. i get satisfied easily. i'mhappy the way things are. i'm not some sad, pathetic girl. it's just that, my happiness level is just one level down than others.

I just found out the real truth. the truth that made me fall onto second base. hmm.. it hurts. it hurts more than the way i found out wat happen. now i realised i made a mistake. so do i rectify it? should i learnt from it? i just don't know. never in my dreams, it would occur to me that i can actually fall onto second base. i did invade his privacy. but why should i be kept in the dark? why should i be the one who gets hidden from the real truth until i go against the law? this sucks.sigh. how upside down can a person's life be? argh.

right now, i'm trying my best to be focus. I do not wish to know the word regret. if it's a mistake, then fine. u either try not to make it again or u move on to another path. superficial? maybe, alittle. but this is how i feel.

u know what i'm really bent on getting next? That position in Intel. yes... i'm dying to get myself into that position. so ladies and gentlemen, probably that position would be a happy moment for me.a real happy moment and not a 5-minute one.

Present

So i was at Mustafa centre looking for a present for my sister's birthday this friday. don't worry, i' m not that broke yet. decided to get her a watch. and saw something i think she will like. hee.. the blue baby-g. this pic is in blue, but the one i'm getting for her is actually in black with pink stripes. cool,kan?




So.... i looked around and saw somethin i like. it's been like so many years since i wore a watch. eversince Bayu enlighten me on me being a control-freak, i've stopped wearing one. yes, he called me being a control freak cos i kept on looking at my watch. but earlier this year, i took back the habit and wore a watch. now that i'm so-into this watch i saw just now, i might just take it as another investment. too bad my birthday is like so far away. otherwise, all of u would know wat to get me. hehe.

happy gilmore

happy gilmore

so many days has passed and i'm one happy gilmore.

First of all, i must say that Oasis was AWESOME. to watched Liam live was purely heaven for me. For him to sing my favorite tunes was just purely choco-ty for me. hehe... like that have got any meaning.

i think i took enough break from my projects this weekend. in fact, i've started working for sis again due to bills and more bills to clear. not to forget, my angel. have not paid him back.

BUT, before i start my whole week of pure stress, i shall enjoy today. it's a sunday and it's time to put on my crocs and capri to enjoy the day before i head to start an early tomorrow. hehe.

all around the world

OMG!!!

OMG!!! I cant believe i totally forgot what's this thursday!!! truthfully, i forgot that the Oasis concert is thisthursday til Shaipul reminded me to wear shoes last monday to the concert. omg. i cant wait!!!!! i've been listening to Oasis songs over and over again. Just one request,Liam, can u please sing All Around the World? please... tt's like my favorite all time track.....

I'M not a groupie, so don't expect me to turn up with banners, (no offence,Lynna) hee... i'll be wearing my Ben Shermans, my Zara baggies and perhaps i'll throw in my nike hat. gonna go with the relax look. hehe... wat the hell! u know i cant be bothered actually wat to wear. i just need to make sure, i wear shoes cause we'll be crashing thru barriers and stuff.

Besides than this Oasis excitement, i'm actually looking forward to Gerhana Skacinta showcase at the Mosaic Music Festival. Syu's more excited on Jason Mraz, who i dun remember which gizmo he is. hehe.

Aliffy enlighten me on the upcoming Reggaefest in July . woah. Sentosa. exciting.

i've faced up

i've faced up.

i know i said the last entry tt i needed time to actually face up to reality. and u know wat? it didnt take time. it took a long eye-to-eye conversation. and yes, i found out wat exactly type of person i am. let me tell u the situation. wait... the reason why i wanna say it in my blog is becos, i want everyone to know if they ever get into this position.

u see, i still hearts for this ex-bf of mine. and no, it's not BigBear. it was my fault for the way things ended. i tried to mend things now. but it turned out to be too late cos he had found some1 lately that he feels comfortable with. it really hurts. it just do. but at the end of the day, i realised that i just want him to be happy. i had caused so much misery and now it's time for me to just give him back his happiness.so yea, i told him not to break that girl's heart like i break his.i just do not wan him to be caught in a dilemma. in fact, i feel for the girl too. it doesnt mean that she has to go thru i went thru. so yes, i gave in. it really hurts. it just hurts. it's like there's this sharp knife piercing thru the heart.

i do not want to end up thinking abt the past and not move on. i'm not one of those girls who cries,dont eat,lose weight, seek a therapist or even worst, become suicidal. i'm Fiddy. and if most of u know me well enough, u would know that i rather want people around me to be happy than myself. and guess wat, i'm doing it again at my own expense.

but life goes on. Death is a part and parcel of life, and so is parting. when Pinky left us all, it really opened up my eyes to this reality that life is really short. I think if Pinky is still around, he probably be able to give me the courage.

so yes, i'm officially back. the old Fiddy is back. the old Fiddy that jokes arounds endlessly. the cocky fiddy who always thinks she's adorable no matter wat. the fiddy that ORGANISE parties and meet-up. eversince Syu's bday, i realised that i really,really miss organising. really i do. i wanna get back onto my social life to bring friends together once in a while.

i may sound superficial, but it's a fact and truth that i'm probably still in the break-up mode. but hey, life goes on. i still have a curfew to meet, a degree to get and first of all, an examination to get thru.it doesnt mean life stops when u face an ordeal.

i wanna be happy too.

MOVE ON

MOVE ON ,Fiddy.

my dear best fren reminded me on how we humans, err at many times. he admitted that small opening window of mine had finally close. he sees it in 2 ways. one: i can just shut myself up in that room forever. two: try to open some of the doors when knock, cos i would never know if it could be him. i always advise frens who goes thru similar situation. never would i know i'll be going thru it myself. i never knew that i could get replaced easily. in fact, he was never replaced. someone i call Mr Irreplaceable from now.

how do i feel? awful. i'm emotionally irrepairable. no one should be in his or her right mind to actually come up to me to talk about this cos i'll definitely bite. shaipul? oh, he's used to my bites i suppose.

i've done what i know would make him happy. i've thrown in the towel and move out of his life. i do not want him to feel that he's oblige to choose. there wouldn't be a choice if she's never in the picture. i hope she's worth all these troubles of me trying to get to sleep, trying to stop thinking of him and the endless arguments. i hope she's the life of love he's been looking for.

as for me, i just wan to be forgotten. i really need to focus on what i would do for the future. i want to be happy too. i want to be loved too. maybe i'll be on my way now to look for happiness. happiness that may be hidden behind one of the doors. but u know what i really need now? i just wan to be alone. i just wan to be alone all by myself. i just do not need anyone to show concern. all comes down to one reason. it's because i'm tired. i'm just tired of being me. i'm tired to be in a battlefield all my life.

i just have to make this the last entry till the next time i start blogging. i hope by the time i start blogging again, i'll be ok to face up to reality. but no one can actually tell me when. so stay tune,aight? til then, i'll miss my daily blogging times.

daily

my horoscope.

The Bottom Line
Take a back seat to the latest drama. Your passive attitude will keep things cool.
In Detail
It's time for you to admit something: Your values have changed. What used to be important no longer matters. That means it's time to make some changes -- some big changes, especially when it comes to the people you call peers. Fortunately, you're more than ready, even if it means saying goodbye to people, things or ways of life that were once the most important thing in the world to you.

happy gatal day

happy gatal day.

happy valentine's day. was over at Tampines with Miz29's boss and he actually had an impromtu sign that says "Have an Intimate Valentine's day". Tsk.

anyway, hope all the couples out there enjoyed your day.
Girls, if your bfs had planned the day for u and gave u a gift, appreciate it. If you don't, then they are probably the dumbest guys in the world to be with girls like u.
Guys, if your gfs had planned the day for u and gave u a gift, keep and cherish the moment. She probably planned to get it for you weeks ago without you knowing it. But u hated or feel that it's a dumb day at the end of the day, please let go of your girl for others to step in. you don't deserve her.

to all singles, be happy cos u dont have to go thru all the trouble to get somethin for that special one. but it wont hurt at all to just hint or gesture an action for him.

to those who are having complications in relationships, take the day to understand each other.

to Syu, happy Birthday. u don't look a day older at all,trust me.

to my candies, thank you.

to Shaipul, you're welcome. u dont call me a best fren for nothin if i cant do that simple thing. perhaps when we graduate, u will hire me to be your PA for life.

to Budiman, i only have one sentence to tell u. "10 things i hate about u." You'll know.

to Fiddy, thank you for being yourself til now. it's time to lean back for a while and let the exam stress step in. you need it now. you have your projects to get thru. you have your new job starting next month. and you'll definitely deserve your break when it's done. for now, just take the day as it is. it doesnt matter if he knows it or not. as least u know u did it becos of reasons you dont even know.

to everyone, i'm moving out. here's a parting song for now. will be back when i know when.

Ning Baizura - Awan yang Terpilu

Kerana cinta
Aku kembara
Bagai camar
Melintas laut

Mencari pohon
Untuk berteduh
Kerana cinta
Aku kembara
Ikut lagu
Bisikan hati
Mendamba kasih
Paling setia

Korus:Sepasang sayap tak terlihat
Umpama mimpi yang tersimpan
Jadi rintik-rintik hujan
Menciptakan
Awan yang terpilu

Puisi ini
Tercipta lantas
Tak kesampaian
Hajat meronakan
Gelora rindu
Ku kepadamu

Ulang Korus

Bridge:Ingin sekali
Aku ungkapi
Isyarat jiwa
Dengan sempurna
Biarkan kau mengerti
Biarkan kau sedari
Keadaanku yang memujamu

allergy

i'm actually not a flower-friendly person

i dont encourage Valentine's day cos i dont see the need of a day to tell someone that u like him/her. u tell them everyday. but thanks Mat, for the gesture.really sweet. kinda melted my volcanic eruption in me today.

oh wat volcanic eruption? hmph. i was actually an angry,angry,furious person.really. i was. i am still. he really hurt me alot this morning. seriously. maybe to him, i deserve it. but it totally pierced my heart.

met Shaipul at school earlier today and tried to see if he could advise me on this 3 issues i was facing. we had a long talk as usual about this. as blur or lack of iniative he is, he could actually give me some great advice. truthfully, i'm emotionally hurt right now. really. i dont know if u can call this karma. but i'm seriously am. i think this is the first in 2006that i'm actually feeling really hurt. my sisters used to envy me cos of my strong feelings and well-being among us. but now i realise, i'm as fragile as a child.

why am i angry? i deserve to be angry. i've been emotionally hurt. i really am. it's times like this, i just wish i don't exist. i just wish everything in my life got a re-start button to back when i was in my early teens. but i cant. i have to go thru this. with or with help.

so here's what i analyse.i'm gonna hibernate for awhile. i dunno til when. but i jus need a break from everything. i'm just gonna be that Ice Princess again.

to frens who care, pls don't ask or look for me if i eventually MIA in meetings or gatherings or whatever meet-up there will be. i cant possibly be that Fiddy anymore. i'm , perhaps, gonna try to fix my broken wings.pls don't think i've changed to be a mean fren or anything. i just need my own space and time til i know how to fix my wings.

til then.



My horoscope for 13 Feb 2006.

A new, hot secret will land in your lap today. Handle it with care and keep quiet!
If anyone is notoriously not fond of attention, it's you. In fact, you tend to avoid anything that even remotely resembles the spotlight. At the moment, that may be tough to do, however, since someone who loves you may be planning a Valentine's Day surprise. Oh, well. Relax. You may end up liking it.

OMG

OMG OMG OMG

Cleo just sent me the new issue for MARCH!!!! OMG OMG OMG.... What do i see? the 50 eligible bachelors. hee... i know i sound like a groupie. but hey, i'm like at the stage of flirting and looking out for that one. i couldnt decide wat to write about today, until i realised that i have not actually list out my perfect one. seriously, the word "perfect" is subjective to everyone. for example, someone might think that metallic pink on a guy is perfect, whereas another might think no pink on a guy is perfect. see wat i mean? so here's my list.

(1) He must have dopey eyes.... sigh.... if some of u do not know wat is dopey eyes,Jake Gyllenhaal has dopey eyes. Budiman and Shaipul (the 2 most important ppl i love!) has dopey eyes. now u know why i love them so much.

(2) Curly eyelashes!!!! yup, dopey eyes with curly eyelashes. where can i find one? already have. hee.. shaipul has dopey eyes with curly eyelashes. but like duh, he's a best fren. i cant tell him tt cos he might think i'm interested. tsk!

(3) Chubby!! i love chubby guys. i dont really like fat guys, but i like chubby. chubby like Afdlin Shauki. He is so cute... macam teddy bear.

(4) Humour. nothin but humour is enough to make me smile the whole day. the last humour i heard from someone i like was able to make me think about it all day and just start smiling.

(5) Streetwise smart.Example, he must be able to tell me the simplest abbreviations like Milf (hee..), FMX, and others like knowing who is Kirsten Dunst(hee..). i just love guys who know alot of things. cos apparently, i'm more streetwise smart than bookwise smart. so the tendency for 2 ppl with the same smartness, is great! but i always welcome guys who are both book and street wise smart. heh. i dun mind the best of both worlds.

(6) He has to love pink. BUT! i dont expect him to wear pink,of cos! i just want him to love the colour. as long as he love the colour, i'm great. cos i do not want to be with a person who hates my fav color.

(7) Taller than 1.72m. why? like duh. i stand at 1.71m. i would rather have someone taller than me. oh wait.. even when i'm in heels too of cos.

(8) He must at least tried or wears a suit everyday to work. hee... i dunno what's up with me, but even since i see the guys at Zara who works there and wears a suit everyday, they look gorgeous. really. i just melt when i see any nice looking chaps who puts on a suit. the last i remembered was Bayu who swooned me when he put on his Armani suit for Raya. alamak,beb... aku melt ah....

(9) Initiatives. guys with initiatives are on my list immediately. this is the same reason why Shaipul is not in my list. hee... no offence,dude. but u can and should never be on my list cos of this factor. anyway, guys who does things without someone else urging them to, are automatically in my list. for example, i do not need to tell them that i need a shoulder to cry on too. they should automatically give me theirs! hee...

(10) last, but NOT the least, it will be ultimately perfect if he really loves me being me. i do not want to be told that i'm ugly or puts on too little make up for an occasion. he should like me for being the way i am, the way i talk and the way i love him for being himself!

now... where can i find this perfect one?

spending

a long time ago.

it's a been really a long time ago i went shopping... really. it's been tt long. the last one was probably during the Zara sale. today i had to go shopping only because i had to. got the book "Salve" for Kay already. I wrote some words in his card to just clearly draw the line between us. "Happy Valentines Day. Thank you for a being a fren. hope our FRIENDSHIP last" hee... does it sound harsh? i hope not. actually, i hope it does. at least he will know where he stand.

i couldnt get anything for him just now. but i did get the bearer. hee... he's really cute u know.

anyway, Budiman met an accident earlier. i guess it was just carelessness. i was pretty worried cos eversince Pinky, i really wan the people around me to be still around me. i just cant lose anyone else now. We talked on the phone and how i told him that these are just tests of life before the big break in April. I jus do not want him to lose out in enthusiasm cos this is probably a great step that is to be made in his life. i may not be in his life now, but i do wan the best for him.

I bet i never mention this, but i love Kris Dayanti (KD). i was really young since i remembered her in Asia Bagus. she actually inspired me alot. it sounds really drama, but it's true. i love her so much. when my aunt in Jakarta took me to her house years ago, i was totalled awe by her house. it was that house that inspired me to get one of those huge house that's only one floor. even though KD had changed her image over the years, i still respect her style and her ways of handling the career and family.


Melly Feat Kris Dayanti - Cinta

Menatap jalan yang menjauh
Tentukan arah yg ku mau
Tempatkan aku pada satu
Peristiwa yang membuat hati lara

Di dekat engkau aku tenang
Sendu matamu penuh tanya
Misteri hidup akankah menghilang
Dan bahagia di akhir cerita

Cinta tegarkan hatiku
Tak mau sesuatu merenggut engkau
Naluriku berkata
Tak ingin terulang lagi
Kehilangan cinta hati
Bagai raga tak bernyawa

Aku junjung petuamu
Cintai dia yang mencintaiku
Hati yang dulu belayar
Kini telah menepi
Bukankah hidup kita
Akhirnya harus bahagia

Cinta
Biar saja ada
Yang terjadi biar saja terjadi
Bagai manapun hidup
Memang hanya cerita
Cerita tentang meninggalkan dengan ditinggalkan
Cinta.....

consceinece

conscience

it's been raining lately. odd,aight? sunny, yet the rain comes. it just reminded me of many things. another reminder would be pink. yup. fuchsia,by right. the only color i would vividly remember of Pinky sitting next to me during lectures, gossiping and exchanging sarcastic remarks of anything under the sun. i would always copy his notes as he writes legibly (unlike me) and neatly,i should say. he loves this purple pen which he oftens uses for little notes and eventually, i got the similar pen the next day. til now. hardly see him wearing jeans or long pants. it's simply the bermudas for him. and yes, of cos, his nikes. once i remembered asking him what he always wanted to be. I remembered he said he would marry the lady ceo of Nike, if there is any,of cos. he would eventually get that job to design or wear the first ever issued new nike shoes. Liverpool. Bryan knew him thru Liverpool. quite a fan,he is. always dissed me sarcastically on Arsenal. oh, yes, i was an Arsenal fan. heh. He gave me this PSP gift set last year which apparently, sits nicely on my dressing table, still in it's bubble pack. it comes with this PSP cushion which he had placed his in his car. so when he handed it to me, he told me to put in my bike since i sold the car. heh. it was dumb. therefore, i keep it still in its bubble wrap for my new car,if i would have any. He is a part of Mngs and will always be in it. A toast to Pinky aka Ibm.

__________________________

i've been spending more time with Nur and Rafiq then anyone else these few weeks. but of cos, we only talk about school stuff. other than that, everyone has their own issues. since now the exams are nearing, i suggested to them that we can use my place to study overnight since i have a curfew to keep up. my parents dont mind. i think they find it pretty cool cos they get to keep me at home.

not much of other things are plan for the next few weeks. (except tt Shaipul been tempting me with all the upcoming concerts in Bangkok). the only upcoming events are Syu's bday and Oasis concert. oh, Valentine's day? No, i wont be celebrating.

Hallo... it's not like no one had asked, but i'm just not in the mood.and besides, i'm just waiting for that someone to ask. but... obvious is oblivious, he didnt ask. so yea, i'm just chilled back. no worries. i dont need a day to tell me how much i'm being loved. it's everyday that i come home to know that my parents love me and i love them. anyway, this year, i just need to get something for Kay and him. Kay is giving me something (again) and i feel bad cos i hadn't got him anything since the Crocs. so yea, i'm planning to get this great book i saw. "Slave". it's the type of book only Kay and i would read. so yea, will get tt for him. i know, it sounds like a bad idea for Valentine's day. but hey, who ever said he's my valentine. the reason why i'm giving book is not because i'm bad at presents! it's becos i'm treating him as a fren and nothin more.

now.. what shall i get for tt someone?hmmm.....

rest well

rest well.

our dear fren Ibrahim had passed away peacefully yesterday morning ay 1140am. Aka Pinky, had been a fighter and we all know his fighting days are over now.

i just cant belive he's no longer ard anymore.

u'll always be in my heart

u'll always be in my heart.

i had a shocking call from a fren of Pinky who told me about Pinky's health. then of cos, i put on the panic mode and activated Rafiq and Nur. we headed down to visit him after a quick bite at Perdana. it was a sad scenario. i wish i can tell u how it felt to look at Pinky. but i can't. but here's what i would say to him if i have the chance.

"U know me. I love to help everyone in need. The smallest issue of need is something i never fail to do. But right now, i wish i could help u. seeing u in your state made me helpless. i realised that this is one thing i can help on. i just pray for you each time. i just wish the day when u would say Mandy Moore is the best and Lindsay Lohan is the lousiest, would come. i will wait for that day. til the day comes, i will wait patiently by every pink things i see. every item i put on or see will make me excited for that day to come."

i know just how short life is.and to that, let's toast to my journey of fulfilling the hopes of quit smoking for forever. i didnt say now,duh. but i will eventually. i know i can do it.

oh look wat my Horoscope says today.hmmm... it's all so perfect and how i wish it could just come true just for today.

"That long distance matter is about to come to an end, in pleasant fashion, believe it or not. Now, isn't there someone else you should be calling? Someone you haven't spoken with -- or at least haven't spoken intimately with -- in far too long? Someone you know you should share this with? Of course there is. And then it will be time to concentrate on other important things -- like work, for example."

gejolak

don't you dare judge me

there's this person i hate. as much as i used to say that i do not like having enemies, this leaves me no choice. no names will be mention in here. this person really, really hurt me alot. emotionally. but hey, no worries. it's not as if i would die or go dumb becos of this person. so anyway. i saw this person on the road just now. as much as i wish i was driving a bulldozer, i would just tramp him down. but no. i was driving an Ford commercial van. so anyway, as i saw that bike past by me, i so damn wished that the bike just sway sidewards and crash to the median of the expressway.

then i stop thinking for a while.

damn. why am i so angry at this person?

oh wait. ahh... i know the reason.

i hate to know that i hate someone. really. it feels awful. as much as i wish i dont hate this person, i just do. no, this person is not an ex-bf or a stalker. this person is just hateful. reason why i hate this person so much is becos, this person did something that really pissed me off right from the beginning of this year. i had never mention to anyone except for Shaipul who endlessly listened to my whines and complain about this person. it helps. it helps to whine and just talk to someone about it. but u know what would really help? an Apology. that is all i need. an apology from this person for doing so hateful things to me.

getaway

the montel has left the building

my weekend getaway to KL was brisk and done over. yet, the war at Jurong has yet to be solved. like, watever!

however last week, the turmoil between friends (or fiends) has surfaced. secrets are no longer secrets. friends are no longer friends. and fiddy? fiddy is no longer a fiddy? of cos not. fiddy is still fiddy. but, it seems that my presence in this group has been questioned. hmmm. so who exactly am i siding? some drew me across to his side. some drew me across to her side. but u know how i see it? i'm the fence between 2 war fields. i, can say, the Great Berlin Wall. heh. tt's dumb. so anyway, i'm not trying to side anyone. in fact, i don't really care what others would say. it wasnt my problem in the first place. it was his. i was just being the best fren of anyone to just advise. so when secrets are revealed, i end up being a long and high fence. sigh. it's just full of sadness now. i dont care what others think of this situation or me, but i care for all parties. esp the hurt ones.

anyway, besides than being a buffer to anything, i've somehow gained some reputation. heh. tt's dumb. i'm in fact, everyone's gf. yea. sadly, if i'm seen with anyone of the guys in school or gatherings, it is perceived by others that one of them is my bf. heh. tt's dumb. obviously is always oblivious. so yea, i'm everyone's gf. i dunno if it's a good thing. i think it's a bad thing.hey wait, maybe it's a neutral thing, cos i dun really care. heh.

my programming part of the SEP seems to be finishing soon. thank you to all of u who helped. all of ur names will be acknowlegde in my front page or my document.

as for my other subjects. well, may the force be with me for the next 2-3 months. argh.

my social life? hmm... nothin has changed. it's still as stagnant as before. i've officially namd Kay to be a non-candy now. he's a stalker-candy. heh. tt's dumb. i love my life now. oh wait. i don't. in fact, i'm becoming that lonely shoe sitting alone in the shop when everyone else found his/her right size of shoes. but it's ok. it's best i be like this for the next few weeks. i've just got too many things to do til 23rd Feb. wat's on tt date? Oasis concert. like duh.

oh before, i forget, thanks to syu and mat who had been constantly talking to m these days abt certain issues. i'm that type of person who needs to talk to someone abt a problem before solving them. and syu, my heart still pumped as hard and my legs walked faster than before before the presence. heh. tt's dumb.

kena blog

kena blog eh?

i just have to blog in before i sleep and eventually wake up later to forget everything i wanted to say. hehe

anyway, the dinner with the crew went well. no glitches except for .. ehem ehem.. hee... like i said, if it's obvious,then no need for implications. Happy b'day Azna! think this is too late. hehe. met some of them for the first time and i hope i behaved well. u know Fiddy.... tend to talk more than anyone else. steal the limelight. hehe. nah... i've changed from tt. thanks to Shaipul who fetch and sent me home. tak payah nak ride sorang2.... thanks to Mat who lent me his notebook. yippe.. tak payah nak susah2 gie Jurong for Baby.Thanks to Syu who got a delicious cake for us. it was really choc-y. of cos, thanks to Kay for his Crocs. hee... got a lot of attention for wearing them.

sigh. Kay... how do i put this? talked to shaipul abt him on the way back home and i think he's right on what i've been doing. i mean, all i can do now is just maintain the friendship between me and kay. i just have to stop him harbouring those feelings. it's hard. but... i have to. i just do not wan to mislead anyone. but.... i'll shopping with Shaipul one of these days. wanna get Kay somethin. Maybe that Ramones collection he wanted. yea, and maybe getting that someone something too. but the problem is, how am i suppose to meet him when he wont meet me. sigh. yea,maybe i'll turn up in one the soccer games and maybe he'll be there.

u know what i miss?

i miss school life.

dammit .. gotta wake up early for the food fair at NUS later. Nights!!!