kiddies

kiddies!

i'm an aunt to 3 glorious,mischievious,cute,adorable,heartbreakers-to-be and exceptional kids. 2 weekends ago met up with them to celebrate Ryan's and my Mum's birthday at Swenson. no matter how they would grow up to me, i will just pray that they don't end up like me. hehe... the aunt who skipped K1. the aunt who cant decide her future. the aunt who consistently reminds them that school is the only place for kids like them should be to learn. haha. wat crap is that?

i wish for many things for me to decide on.

i wish for many things for me to decide on.

i had a long Msn chat with Fifi last night. of cos, we cant talk on the phone. long distance call is expensive u know! so anyway, she's having her finals too and was online early morning for me after a distress email i sent her. so yea, we chatted and caught up with each other's life. basically, we talked about mine. sigh...

"Wat is about him,Fids? He's not for u."
"Tapi..."
"Tapi wat? he never seems to change since the last u talked about him."

cannot show the whole conversation. feelings might get hurt. bottomline, Fifi was trying to show me points that a girl should never have to shed tears for anyone who loves her. i know,girl. i know. sometimes i keep telling myself that he will change, but other times, i keep telling myself that he wont. i know there's someone other there for me. but whoever that person is, he doesnt seems to be around much anymore. we'll just see how it goes.

anyway, my mind seems almost set for that Aceh trip. Jus need the permission from mummy for the green light. Fiq has been asking me to come along for the trip this July. from the way i look at my life, i think i should go.i hope mum will be ok with it. i mean, it will do me good cos i'm sure the experience will be priceless and worthwhile.

Top 5 songs

Top 5 songs in my iPod

these are the top 5 songs in my iPod that i tend to play over and over again while i study.

1. Bailamos by Fergie (she was featured in Poseidon and sang this opening number )
2. Dealova by Once (from the soundtrack of Dealove)
3. Hari Ini dan Semalam by Sixth Sense (a cover of J Mizan old hit)
4. Tiada yang kedua by Khafi
5. Hips don't lie by Shakira Feat Wyclef Jean (or is it the other way round?)

Lyrics.

Dealove - Once

aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu...
aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu....
karena langkah merapuh tanpa dirimu...
ooohh..
karena hati tlah letih....

aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang selalu bisa kau sentuh...
aku ingin kau tau bahwaku selalu memujamu....
tanpamu sepinya waktu merantai hati...
oh bayangmu seakan akan....

reff
kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku yang memanggil rinduku padamu..
ooohh
kau seperti udara yang kuhela kau selalu ada....

**hanya dirimu yang bisa membuatku tenang...
tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang..........
dan sepi......

back to reff
__________

Hari ini dan semalam -Sixth Sense

Hari ini kau datang riang
Tersenyum buatku senang
Kau hias dirimu
Membuat hati bertambah sayang

Tapi wajahmu semalam muram
Mengapa dewi mengapa
Mungkinkah aku bersalah
Cubalah dewi katakan

(korus)
Jangan dewi jangan begitu
Senyum-senyumlah selalu
Manis riang
Wajah bertambah jelita
__________

Tiada yang kedua - Khafi

Haruskah aku menerima
kasihmu yang baru menguntum bunga
Jangan hanya indah di mata
Jangan disiarkan madah cinta

Namun bintang bukannya satu
Kerlipan hatiku ingin kau buru
Ada hanya kau kehampaan
Jangan aku yang jadi alasan

*Ku fikir kau teman biasa
Tidak akan berputik cinta
Mungkin jua belum menjelma

C/O
Aku tak sanggup dikecewa
Cintaku satu untuk selamanya
Aku pencinta yang setia
Mustahil ada yang kedua


note: yes. fiddy still feels the anxiety and turns speechless everytime fiddy still sees him. why?esp with all these World Cup coming about. memories kept running in.

how could they?

how could they do this to me?!?!?!?!?!

i haven had time to watch The OC eversince the exams-revisions started.. but i had the time to read the episode guide. and OMG. HOW could they?? Marissa died!! my gawd... my fav character... died... in teh arms of... my 2nd fav character. sigh... i'm just so down. i dunno if the new season will be great at all.. we'll see,aight? i mean, now we all know that Ryan would never have Julie as his monster-in-law. ever... argh. then Bayu told me that it's rumoured tt Mischa do not wanna act in The OC anymore, so they killed off her character.. sigh...

why me again?

why me again?

my earlier post was typed this morning. now, this post is just something redundant for the afternoon.

yes, i'm in school. bored. taking a break from the heavy-lifting weights of MSM and HRM. one of my burdens was over yesterday. SEP. sigh... truthfully, i've done badly. really. i think i was over-nervous and too kan-chiong when i see the questions. this is the unit that is 60% of the paper and 40% of my project. as i was doing the paper, i starting worrying for my baby in London right now. yea lah.. my project. Wondering if Rachel had not misplaced him. wondering if Will have seen him. (Rachel is the lady in charge of the projects and Will is the nice Dr who is overseeing the projects). but after yesterday's paper, my heart begin to race faster. all bcos of my upcoming other papers. the heavier ones. MSM and HRM.

yes i'm worried. all of sudden i started to feel that my future will be dark. who will support my parents if i dun get a good job? sigh.. qns start running in my head.

anyway, everyone else seems to be really busy. the Mngs are doing exams-revision. my Old Scums are busy planning for trips. and me? wat else.. stuck in school in this cold weather. yea, busy allright... ooo so busy eh?

mum has been extra nice these days. she does the laundry, clean the house and sometimes, when i'm lucky, she would buy my fav Japanese cake. hee... i guess it's the exams ah. i guess she does care. sigh.. me and my thoughts tt she always show favoritism towards my other sisters. but u never know if after 2th june, i'm back to my tonnes of housework . hee... oh yea, she's pretty keen on goin Hong Kong. i told her that i would come, only if we're going to Disneyland. hee... and ofcos, she pays for me lah.... me no hasil yet,u know...

has anyone told u?

has anyone told u?

has anyone told u i'm quite a car freak? check my car of the month for May. now... when will i have the dough for the car? by the way, it's a woman's car. Peugeot 1007. wait til u see it on road.

sorry for the disruption

sorry for the disruption

i know i'm a typical insensitive person that most of u know as. but sometimes i feel that being too honest hurts more than being dishonest. i'm 5 days away to my first paper. i was told that i disrupted someone's peace. yea, whole big fight and suddenly, it's all my fault for causing his disruption. here i am, trying to make the whole thing work and at the same time, focus on school, and there u go.. telling me that i disrupted your peace. u left me with sleepless nights and questionable thoughts, yet i've caused u the disruption. i already apologized and now u're telling me things that i shouldn't be hearing now. not right now. u should know me better. i get distracted easily. and i cant be distracted now. i really can't. i have my finals. yes. my finals. the ones that determine my future. the f...i.....n...a....l...s..... the last exam i should ever take in this course. the last year of my life to be sitting in that huge-huge hall.

and what happens now? i'm affected. i thought u know me well. i gotta be please and happy this whole period. why? cause i wont be please or happy when i study or stress out on that damn HRM question that requires me to have the knowledge of the whole syllabus. yes. i'm sad. i'm so sad once again that u brought me down again. time and time again, i told myself not to let my guard down. and now u did it again. and u have to do this to me now. now that i'm having my exams.

i hate myself because of u. i really do. i hate myself for not being able to focus on my studies. i just had to be itchy and prioritise u during my 1-day-cheat-day in a week. now u telling me things that i shouldn't be hearing. things that wont be bringing me down like this.

truthfully... i'm at the point of just ending my life. i am. seriously. when u bang that headset on me, i just wanna head down to my kitchen and just gargle up that clorox. u with all these words against me and me with all these exams thingy... how is a person to be at peace in my position.

Things I've missed doing.

Things I've missed doing.

usuallu i have a agenda to talk about. i usually come up with the agenda for the day while riding back home from anywhere. i do actually have one now. but being spontaneous me, i just wanna talk about something else.

these few days has been really stressful.the only thing that's keeping me goin is the fact that i have a future to work for. hence, the studies keep me going. my bestie was admitted in hospital. but now he's out. thanked god. he actually told me specifically that he wanna keep the admission low from common friends. i respect that, so i only spread the news to the ones he's close with. to the rest who know him, dun take it to heart. he knows everyone is busy with either exams or work. he he strictly told me to keep it low to not let him have too much attention. i handled his transfer to take his papers in the hospital next week. so now that he's out, i have to give RELC another call to let them know that he will sit for them in the exam hall like everybody else. hee... buat Jumping Jacks dulu tau.. "Ah Yelah Tu.."

everything else in my life is not working too good. feelings of distrust and uncommitted runs around within my love life. oh wait, do i even have one or not? feelings of distrust and secrecy also runs around my circle of friends. but it's ok. i'm sure we'll get by and by. exams stress is building up really fast now that most of us first paper is exactly in a week's time. sigh...

then this sunday, Khai and Azh been encouraging me to get out of the house to see Hairi race in the Kallang Race.. sigh... so tempting,u know.. but .... i've been studying since monday and hopefully til sat, i do hope to spend my rest-day at home to golek2 longer than before. i mean, these days i sleep at 12 and wake up at 8. no time to golek2 ,u know!

explanations

explain, can?

this matter had been in my mind for the past few days. and i kept telling myself that i do not need to explain myself to others, except the ones involve. but since that person had tagged me on certain comments, i feel that i should enlighten that person on why i said those things. ok, let's be a little bit fair to this person.btw,i do not regret wat i said in my last entry. i apologized and pointed out the reasons why we shouldn't be friends.

so anyway, back to the things that was brought up as an attention to me and Budi.

(1) Budi told her about this girl he met and somehow, this person asked Budi to compare her to this person's "requited love's" gf. so yea, Budi said he prefer this new girl he met. But somehow, this person turns her head and pointed to her "requited" love that Budi is being a hypocritic (i'm careful to use this word cos i do not want to be charged for plagarism.). Indirect or direct, this person wants her "requited" love to be wary (again, i'm careful with this word) of his friends. When!!! When for a fact that she actually have the guts to tell me that he will trust his frens more than her. how contradicting is this?

(2) Through a minor and yet childish method of making sure that both Fiddy and Budi are hypocrites, this person pointed out that both Fiddy and Budi shouldn't be hypocrites to her "requited" love's gf while still befriending with this person. In other words, we can't be friends to either parties who are part of this friend of mine who is actually the "requited" love. hmm...i wonder why eh? i mean, both are my friends. and for god sake, it's just a forwarded email. big deal.

(3) I confided in this person in hopes to get some advice and maybe have a place of comfort of a fren. If anyone of u read my past entries about Fiza, u would understand this part. So anyway, this person jus had to decided to tell the whole world.. oh wait.. not the whole world... maybe just my close frens and Budi of cos, that this person shares the same situation as Fiza and wants to be her best fren. Ok, I'm not being childish here, but i feel that this is so un-nessecaary cos my love story has no similarities to this person.

so these are just the few things that's on the top of my head.

it's true that i might regret wat i said to this person. but in some ways, i hope she regret more on what she had said to everyone that's involve in this situation. cos the trouble this person had caused was un-necessary. call me a bitch for saying this, but i just have to point out that there's no a bigger pretender than this person. everyone or anyone who reads my life in here can hate me for all i care. as long as my conscience (again, no plagarism for me) is clear, i live on each day without a worry of how my life goes on without anyone telling me so.

thank you all for being a great audience. this episode has ended and we, Mng, had titled it to be "The Northern Star:Chapter Closed". Til next episode....

frens

frens.

everyone of my close frens knows why i do not have many frens or a best fren who is a girl. i have a one best fren in this world. her name is Kuga. she is my confidante for life. met her in secondary school and we're frens for life. she's getting married soon. sigh. i love her to the max. yes, she's my only best fren who is a girl. other than her, i have a few best frens who are guys. one is Isk, then another one also Isk (Flica), and another one Yassir. i rarely talked to Flica and Yassir these days, cos one is busy getting ready for a newborn and the other is busy working. so i'm left with Isk. hee... other than him, i have this great bunch of frens from SIM. the Mngs. it took me an incident unavoidable that they mean alot to me. sigh. other than the Mngs, i have my Old Scums. Khai and Azhar welcomed me with hugs and sampoernas to this group. hee...

my point is, i have few frens cos i like to appreciate them more. if i have many frens, i tend to neglect them. so why not, just keep my network minimal so that i can really get to know them. as for best frens who are girls, i have a reason why i cant have too many girl frens. even my sisters and close frens knows that i cant have many girl frens. these are the ppl who bring u down. yup. there are girls out there who are only befriending u for certain reasons. i'm very cautious with girls, cos they are the ones who can stab your back, bitch about u and just take away your loved ones.

earlier this year, i was told that i became a form of hatred to a girl whose bf was my ex. i dunno why, but somehow it's my fault that he cant get over me in their r/s. now, i was told that i hated one of my close frens's gf. sigh. i do not need any pity here. i'm trying to make a point. the point is, sometimes, u should be careful of wat u say. for me, i believe in forms of free speech. there are times, i do not care wat ppl think of me or wat i think of them. but when u're attached to a person that u feel confident to confide in, u tend to care for that person. but when that person decided to betray u in different forms, u become like me. V for Vendetta. i am a type of person who likes to clarify things if they come in twirls. i do not believe in not admitting mistakes. i make mistakes before. horrible ones. i know and i admit. if i make a mess, i stay on to clear it up.

to you out there reading this and know i'm talking to u, i just have to say a few things.firstly, thank u for deleting me in Friendster. i was gonna do it til i realised u already did it first. i'm really disappointed in you. i thought we could be frens for life. i really like u to be my best fren, but u proved me wrong. u said things that i can never forgive u for. please do not try to defend yourself. i know everything. right from the start why u befriended me til the end of that r/s u so-called became obsessed with. i'm sorry u end up in this state. of unrequited love. it's not my fault for that. i didnt break your heart. i didnt hurt u from the start. but when ur obsession turns to play me out like this, i'm really disappointed in you. u made a mess of the r/s i had with the Mngs. and yet, u failed to clear it up. u said things that not suppose to be heard. the real person making faces within this circle is u, not us. u can tell one person another thing yet the opposite to the opposition.all of us are really disappointed in you. we used to hear stories about u from others, but we choose not to believe them. but now u proved us that all of that are true. i do not know if u will learn from this lesson or even being ego about this. but i hope u see the whole situation and start a new for everything else in your life. we may cross paths in the future, but pls, stay away from me. pls. u can turn to whoever u think is close to Us and find out about us. we do not care. u can still go on and say things about me, true or not. i dun care. it's all up to u to know that. i just wish u know how i feel about befriending with girls now. it's because of u, i've turned to be wary of girls. i learnt alot from this whole event. i learnt to love and appreciate my friends more often. i know i may have hurt some of them indirectly. but i definitely do not need u to do it directly. all of us are hurt when we actually knew about how u talked about me and budi as your choice of weapon. we're really disappointed. i just hope u know that. pls do not defend yourself. watever u say will not be reviewed anymore. it's meaningless.

to all my other common frens who knows me and this person, pls forgive me for some insolent and direct remarks. this is between me and this person. if my common frens would like to take sides, go ahead. everyone has the right to freedom of speech or opinions. but no one has the right to jugde anyone. and to u, Lastly, u didnt back out from this group. in fact, u weren't even in this group in the first place. we didnt declared anything to u. pls prevent yourself to tell others that u "left" this group like u "left" your previous group.

Vote

Vote,ok?

Davidson was making this dumb joke when i whined to him that i have to vote and dunno wat time to go. cause i wanna avoid the rush hour. so Davidson said, why not line up like Singapore Idol, wait the night before. haha. funny, but not funny.

Scars

I have this new scar on my "rugged" leg. if anyone nothing, my left leg is quite perfect cos it's scar-free. but my left.. fuuu yohh... rabak seh. now i officially got 2 big scars to symbolise my stupidity to burn again a motorbike's piping-hot exhaust pipe. but of cos, me being me... always have to make up a story behind each scar. "Oh, ni pasal dulu ade tattoo "I love Mummy". so this mother's day, i decided to take it off.... so hence, the scar. " amacam? ok ah?

but all these scars are incomparable to my fren who lost his brother in a car accident. i feel for him. really. i do. I'm sorry, Zubir. Even though i found out his death thru Frienster, Rizal will be in my prayers.

Khai's dad pulak, in the hospital. i suddenly feel tha this month is a accident-prone time. (choi-choi-choi!!). tt time Nafil fell during work and land his left palm on the burger burger. the same night, i ter-kena the exhaust pipe. that same night, MatNor fell on a spilt-7 (hee..) . since. oughta be carefully.

Tahu Takpe, Tak Tahu Tanya

Tahu Takpe, Tak Tahu Tanya, Tak Nak Tempe.

these days, i've been training myself to sleep early. so that the next day i am able to wake up early. the first time i tried a few days ago, i slept at 12am but i woke up at 11am the next day. haha. need a lot of training to be done. i gotta learn to wake up early cos i wanna start studying early. at the same time, i so-do not want to be late for my exam papers. u know how freaking near are my papers from now? exactly 2 weeks to my SE paper.

yes, Fiddy is still upset. I really don't understand why my love story can be taken as an example to others or being a talk in others' conversation. really, i do not understand. frens, take a lesson from me. if u confide in confidence to another, be wise on who that person be. u wouldnt want to confide in a person who in the end, uses your story as a form of "evidence" or "example". argh. yes Rafiq, this season of our own OC is coming to an end soon. in fact, it's the most exciting season. i should do a review on this season soon. now that we're in The OC: The college years, we'll be moving to The OC: The working life.

i'm currently busy with HRM right now, while i wait for Rafiq's class to end so we can head to NUS. omg, tau! school library is like infested. i bet in the morning, ppl line-up in a line to enter the library just to get a seat to study. argh. in the end, ppl like me and the rest of authentic Mngs (yes, authentic. we do not welcome fake ones. the filtering was done quite recently.), have to look for places to study high and low. until now, we've decided to just head to NUS.

oooo... tt day i bought jeans lah!!! finally. i've been eyeing on the Engineered ones since the launch and finally i got one now. hehe... semangat tau! that is one of the things i've been saving up for. oh by the way,thanks to my so-called sister who had finally disappeared, i had to cover that Singtel bill when they disconnected my internet and house phoneline. argh. now, i really draw the line. sisters or not sisters. i don't think i can measure it anymore.

aww man.. tomo is 6thMay. gotta vote. argh. wat's up man. all the ppl in Sembawang Grc area knows that PAP is predominated here. i mean, i respect Mr Hawazi and Dr Maliki. being family friends with my mum for like years already. do i still need to vote? argh. i could easily use that time for voting, for studying some msm formula. or... use it to look for Birkies. hehe... okok.. i'm getting shallow and materialistic these days. remember, u cant give a girl too much money. otherwise, she will find ways to spend it on things. haha.

fiddy upset

fiddy upset.

dah lama tau, fiddy tak upset. fiddy maintain aje. and when shit like this happen, fiddy upset tau! argh. ape ni? i'm suppose to be happy now. no more work for a month tau. now i can happily be stress about my MSM and Hrm (and of cos, SEP lah.) it feels so wrong to be happy too also. i hate to butt in other ppl's problems. tapi kan... kalau nama fiddy da disebut beberapa kali, fiddy upset tau. i mean no harm to anyone. but ppl just have to find some ways to push my buttons.

but it's ok. like everything that i've overcomed, this will soon be dealt with. i don't need the extra stress. pretty my fault too. confided on the wrong person. i really don't see why i should be involve or taken for as an example. and for wat i know,the boy and i do not wish to be involve in other ppl's problems. we have our problems to worry about. argh. fiddy upset tau!!!!

anyway, like i said earlier, yesterday was my last day of work! yippe!! time to push to gear 5 and tekan the accelerator to 150-180km/h. hehe. macam real. gonna miss the late nights working though. but it's ok. exams more important. eh no... exams is most important. hee... ooo.. just now, i was on PIE and a nice biker on RVF lah, kenyit the mata (wink) at me lah!!! macam cool kan? then he showed me his thumb lah!! Thumbs up lah!! alamak babe, gua dah nak melt lah... Rafiq and Isk bole jadi saksi, cos we were actually heading to IMM. and then kan... we reached IMM , the biker also there lah. haha.he smiled lah... damn. haha... lucky he's short. otherwise i go for it. haha. LIKE AS IF!!! like i said before, i shall refrain from liking the ones who ride a motor-tonggeng. no interest at all. anyway, me and Raja Isk with his jester, head to BK for dinner. then meet Raja's students from his class. haha. kena kacau kape?

ok lah. gotta get ready sekarang. waiting for Rafiq Legend to pick me up for tour. haha.

Oh, it's my mum's birthday today!! Happy Birthday Hajjah Suriyanah!!! May u be always be irritated by your youngest daughter (me) forever!!! dun worry. u'll get ur ice-cream cake from swensen this year. once i gather the rest of the siblings for the dinner,k?hee...

p.s: reason why i mixed Malay and English, is because i wanna see if anyone noticed. haha. lame.