Anyone??

it's saturday afternoon. 4.16pm. and i'm at home. cancelled my plans to meet Syah and Faizah. why? cause i have a database report to do. i have to start sacrificing now. sacrifice my social life, my outdoor life, my real life. why? cause my mock exams starts 24 feb. and where i am in studies? nowhere. anyway, anyone who had done a datbase report before and somehow, a very nice person, please help me. email me at diva_craft13@hotmail.com .i'm not gonna copy. i just wanna see if i did the right format. not bluffing.

my dad is spending his 5th night.

i sacrificed my room for my dad. sigh...but it's for the best. now i've moved to the smaller room with no bathroom. but i'm ok with it. at least when my dad gets back,he will find his master bedroom very accessible for him. now i'm into Japanese style of living in my room. funky.hee...

it's been a long week for me. but enough said. all has been said and done. found out that i gained weight. damn.
ok.now i'm tired. off to bed and see me at BBDC whole day later.hee...

it's just so sad.

it's just so sad that some people just can't accept the way others live their life. He who initiate,lose all. fine then, my fault for moving on so fast. but who wanted to move on first,asked if it's ok to just be friends,come all the way to woodlands to return every single thing that i ever gave/made/bought for him?who said that he can't live with a perfectionist? who said that there is no way he would give in to my sisters? and then, who said that all of that happen in a fit of anger? it's just so sad that he who lost,lost all. make it look like it's my fault. fine. but only both of us knows the real story. yes,fine call it false hope. but he gave me false hope. took advantage of my being.being that was helpless, waiting for the return. and what he did? got what he wanted and the next day, "so it's ok that we just remains as friends?" hmmm.... i did my check on reality and i'm glad i did. it's about time he did. even if i didnt had met somebody new, i would still stand on my feet on this. it's a fact. call me a bitch, but i'm sick of the whiney soul that just wouldnt accept his mistake.

my daddy is sick.

first of all. sorry to all the friends that i have been rude to all day.i'm jus frustrated. and tired. daddy is very sick. had to take him to the hospital.right now his in SGH. block 7. as many of those who would know, tt's the coronary(did i spelled correctly) block. where all those patients with heart sickness go to. sigh.... he'll be fine. i know he will. he's a strong man. someone who will live long. as much hatred i have towards him at times, i still melt in his eyes. i'm sorry dad. but sometimes u make me so mad with the things u do towards others.get well soon. mum needs u.
but wat made matters worst was me being called stupid.like i said, no one speaks to Fiddy that way. and worst of all, from my sister's mouth. aku gie sekolah tinggi tinggi supaya orang tak panggil aku bodoh, engkau pulak step terrorist ngan aku.... kelakar kape?!. i was just fucking pissed.things already got bad that dad got admitted, and this is the way i get from being the nice sister who had to drive her kid and maid to the hospital?! argh...... but i'm cooled now. jus realised that PK made me talked about it, and somehow i'm cool now.thank,dear. sigh..... things you have to face in life.

Thank You

thank you for destroying my life.
thank you for making me feel guilty.
thank you for thinking of me being the worst.
thank you for pushing the blame all to me.
thank you for thinking that i'm the bitch who let u down.
thank you for letting whole world know that u feel hurt.
thank you for not telling the real story.
thank you for realising the unreality.
thank you for the denial u left me.

last of all.thank you for wat u done recently.u know very well wat u did.

p.s:thank you for pushing me away.without that push, i wouldnt met my soulmate.

It's about time i retire from all these crappy shit.

I woke up late. Rushed to class. used to belive it took me onli 22mins from home to school,including parking. But today...16 mins. even managed to have a black RX-8 to keep me motivated. and we both end up the same car park. nice chap. talked for 5 mins about cars. ok. so it took me 21 mins to class. hmmm... crap fiddy.crap.

class was cool.head-banging. RELC was crappy.so fu*king long que. 1836. must but this weekend. oh yeah,$10million for this year's festive Toto. Haram. but hey, just try your luck. EPL has been bad for me. luck going down. Come on arsenal. i love u. really, i do. looking forward fro Man united vs Arsenal in March. hmmm... big match. let's bet like last year fiddy. crappy. crap fiddy. crap

Been a long time i chat with mum. it's always after a long day outside, i'll reached home late,ignore her nagging and straight to my room.but i was early today. i dunno why i had the urged to just reach home early and wanted to talk to my mum. i did. reached home at 7. went for prayers with her. and we talked. we just talked. she asked me wat happen in school and how's life. i felt good. she cared. i told her stuff and answered her all her questions. i asked her life. whether she still feeling sick. she complained and all but i just listen and advice. she takes them. i felt good. then she asked wat happen to me and my former love. i just mumbled my werds saying that nothin..bla bla.. she understand. she knew i didnt wanna talk about it. i felt good. she even advice me on motorbikes. how dangerous it is. then i had to assure her i'll take care of myself. but she didnt feel good. sigh....

i believe one thing in my life. that my parents are my responsibilty. i cant take them for granted. for one, cause i love them. for two, cause they brought me til this far. now i'm having doubts of quitting school and end up with a cert that can only allow me to become a useless bum on the street. but i am considering the Armed Forces. crap fiddy. crap.

Your soul is bound to the White Rose: The
Pure.

"I've been waiting in the dark for a long
time, shining my beacon of hope through the
shadow. If you see me, don't you hide your
eyes from me."

The White Rose is associated with purity, honor,
and chastity. It is governed by the goddess
Artemis and its sign is The Cross, or Agape.

As a White Rose, you are a person of your word.
You may have a strong moral code, but
regardless of your virtue, you always stay true
to yourself. To you, love is the most pure of
emotional forms and it's just a matter of
waiting for it to bless you. Some people may
say you are too idealistic, but it's only
because you don't want to mess things up.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla


fiddy:hmmm my fav flowers is Blue Rose. I guess I'm gonna change it to white rose. macam cina mampoes lak.

hmmm....

it's funny how u can love someone so much,yet u realised that he doesnt even know u. i'm gonna confess something. 2003 was a great year in the first phase. then i had my down fall. but the best part is, it wasnt over even now in 2004. now i'm called a two-timing bitch,loose and using my own physical looks as a trump card. at first i dun care, cause it's not true. but just saying doesnt werks for him. i never two-time. i gave chances to him,yet he misleaded me.so when i met someone new,had the same frequency, he jus couldnt take it. being wat i call, a sore loser. truthfully, i'm much happier now.in fact it was the best thing that happen to me this year.it wasnt a bit of wat it was when i was with him.u all know why? cause i didnt bring any baggage this time. for him who doesnt even know how i felt when it was over, too bad. u're the king of the universe.king of queens. go ahead and gloat with the fact that i'm not straight. i know myself. me?loose? to me loose is a person who sleeps around. i sleep, but not around.but for him? such clueless head to know when it's over.yesh it took a short time of period of getting over. but rightfully, i was getting over u at the beginning of the perfectionist-era.u can say u wanna come back to me then, i wasnt considering.but he is a person who is full of himself.yesh,he can love me. but how?by saying that i'm the stupid sister who always allow my sisters to take advantage of me?by saying that kids like Ryan are too pampered? by saying that lust is an important key to the relationship?let me get this straight. i'm a real freak of being family-oriented.he doesnt know that, cause he thinks is for himself.
my physical looks are MY physical looks. if i get attracted by that and u're not happy with that, then he is a sore loser.trump card?wat is that anyway? oh wait...isit somethin that he thinks that i would use just to get wat i wan?hmmm....my gawd.then i guess threatening me that he will commit suicide cause of me is his trump card.that was the beginning of wat i believe, getting over him is over.
now i think to myself. why the hell am i bothering myself over a sore loser.

it's ok,guys. overall we did a fantastic job

sad to say 13thHour didnt made it to the next round. it's a sad news to us. but hey, we managed to have a great fun on the show. to me, i think all our efforts didnt go to waste. cause over the past jamming sessions, i get to know the boys much better and i learnt from them alot. it takes lot of patience and devotion to the original we had made together. i jus love the words. back to the matter at hand, it's jus too bad we didnt made it to the next round. the bands that made it was fantabulous!!! i guess they were really better than us. but hey, i'm not trying to sound like a sore loser or anythin. however, i still dun understand why the evanescence-sound-like and chocolate starfish freaks gets in. sigh...but it's ok. i still 13th Hour. it has somehow made my new year a blast. thanks for the experience,guys.

to those who suffered in the CRX. i'm sorry. this is why i love fast cars. when u shout out loud, no one can hear. i needed to do that. to Gy's mum and supporters, u guys are great. Irwin's family, thanks for being there for us. to Hussein and Valo, i have nothin to say, but...."U ROCK MY GIG!!!!!" hee... to the person who stayed along with me all day at the CC, thanks. i really needed the patience. to the also the cameraman, thank you!! but i cant upload the pics just as yet, cause the USB cable is at my sis' place. damn. to fiddy, hey, u look great and did great for the band. i still love u. no matter wat people say, u're still the best within urself. :)
lastly, thank you Allah for giving me the strength to cool my self on stage in front of those who are aimlessly bored. i was nervous, but You got me through.

sigh....it's like as though i'm receiving an award!!hee

i got it.

it's official. i'm the new Creative Director of Xpose. hmmm.... i always wanted this job, but when the news came,i'm kinda.....hmmm.. neutral.i'm ready to take on the world. show my talents in it. but some how or rather, i'm kinda really neutral. really neutral i mean, it suddenly occurs to me that if i didnt get the job, i wouldnt mind.but the end of the day, i feel good. told 13th Hour abt it. they were happy with me, except that my vocals were kinda sucky as usually. they put up a brave front, but i know. hmmm oh well. we'll see how this sunday. everyone else has their family and frens to come and support. but i dun think any of my family will be coming. besides, he's not coming. so anyway guys here's the details.

Bandage 2004. Jurong Green CC. 1pm onwars.25 bands over the weekend. 13th Hour will be playing on Sunday 11 Jan 04`. we'll be playing at the 3.30pm slot. come and support. tickets, approach me or door sale at $2. Publications are welcome. cause i will be writing on this. hee....

did i get that post?

hmm.... it's a matter of whether i get it or not. if i dun, then it's ok. but Bryan kept laughin. saying i'm the new CD. Hmmm...i dunno. to be confirm.
i broke someone's heart yesterday. but i had no choice. if i didnt,then he'll have to know wat's goin on. let me suffer alone,ok? new guys? hmmm... it's funny how u can be with someone for so long, yet tt someone still doesn't know wat type of person u are. whether, the decisiveness, the truthfulness, the fickle-mindness... but it's ok. i rather he hate me now then later when he knows the real truth. it's really ok. it's ok to be called names like cold hearted bitch,or watever. let God knows the real answer alone with me.
anyway, i'll be playing either this saturday or sunday. haven confirm. hopefully saturday cause i wanna get tan on sunday. guys and girls, support 13thHour,ok? must must must.

All I have

It's such a shame but I'm leaving
Cant take the way you're mistreating me
And its crazy but oh baby
It don't matta whatever dont phase me

I don't believe you wanna leave like this
I don't believe I just had my last real kiss
I do believe we'll laugh and reminise
Wait a minute don't bounce baby
Lets talk about this

Well im bouncing and I'm out son
I gotta leave you alone

(Bridge)
Cuz im good
Holding down my spot
And I'm good
Reppin the girls on the block
And I'm good
I got this thing on lock
So without me you'll be fine, right?

(Chorus)
All my pride is all I have
Pride is what you had, baby girl I'm what you have
You'll be needing me but too bad
Be easy, dont make decisions when you're mad
The path you chose to run alone
I know you're independent you can make it on you're own
Here with me you had a home
Time is of the essence, why spend it alone?

The nights I've waited up for you, promises you made about
Coming through, so much time you wasted, that's why I had to replace you

It makes a cat nervous the thought of settling down,
Especially with me i was creeping all over town. i thought my tender
Touch could lock ya down, I knew I had you as cocky as it sounds
The way u used to giggle right before i put it down, its better when you're
Angry come here I'll prove it now (come here)

Stop playing, you gaining, I got to leave you alone

(Bridge)
Cuz im good
Holding down my spot
And im good
Reppin the girls on the block
And im good
I got this thing on lock
So without me you'll be fine, right?

- this was our song. and still it is. i will have to take it as the last song we would ever had,too. cause after hearin it for so many times, i realised the meaning. hate me if u wan for not giving another chance. i cant give. it's time for me to stand on my own. i hurt u deep,then u hurt me deep. it's game over. i dun wan to hurt u again-

Dear Fiddy,
It's been a long year. a rough 2003. let's see. u lost, then won, and then lost again. your family nearly got broken. your sister left home and you're back to living with 2 parents who never agree on anything. you earned quite a lost, but lost more. it's ok. money is jus luxury. wat matters is, u have love. oh wait.... u dun have love no more. but fiddy, one thing i learnt about u is that, u learn from your mistakes. u hope to not hurt no more. u learnt that if things are not meant to be, it does not meant to be.u got older. and mature. it was only recently u found your self. you learnt how to let go. you rather step back and make others happier than u. it can be good, it can be bad. but wat matters is, u're happy the way things are.u've let go,fiddy. excellent. now all you got to do is to move on.
2003.u earn yr key to freedom. but u're still mummy's girl. the baby sister. everyone protects you. but everyone took advantage of u. then learn. u have more responsibilty now. more power means more responsibility.
soulmate.u're gonna find it in 2004. i jus have the feeling u will. over this year, u had too many things in ur head. school, family,love. but one thing i jus love about u is that, u're family oriented. and whoever that u will eventually choose have appreciate that. no matter wat. in your eyes, Ryan Kamal is the best. but remember, there will be other kids. hee... love them all.
i'm glad you had fun last night.u were responsible,even at the last night of the year. u didnt drink (alot,that is) cause u are driving and u knew your drunk sister will sure need your help. she owe u big time.
2004. i hope u find what u seek. study hard.really...study hard. u're gonna travel alot in 2004, i jus knew it. but watever it is, please, dun turn to the pills.

yours truly,

Irfidah Mohd Anis