::: a rainy afternoon :::
got home early today to take nap before work and the late nights will be begin soon. sigh... life. oh yeah, i finally understood the art of sociology now. pretty much so i guess...
have you guys and gals watched william hung's latest video. please do so. it's really spontaneous of him. i like him. for what he is is. so anyway,here is the lyrics for the latest tone i have in my head all week.

Hoobastank- The reason

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

::: this means war :::

yes,u. i'm talking to you. i don't fucking care anymore. you kept saying the otherwise, but it's turns out to the be the way that i initially had thought it would be. haa.... cat got your tongue,didnt it? i am so angry right now. i am really. but i won't let my emotions take me over like it used to. i'm gonna be cool in front of you. acting is what u might call it. but to me, the deepest scar u left is left unassured. i have nothing to say to you. i'm just fucking disappointed. like i said few days back, no one cares. anymore.

::::tak guna gie haji :::

u can say i'm crude,i'm talking facts.

::: i hate being emotional :::

it seems that the word hate is becoming a norm for me. why? cause it fits the quzzle in my life. yes,i'm fucking emotional. so? does anyone has a problem with that? i guess not. why? cause no body cares. it seems like life is back to way it was. i hate this world.can some space martian take me away to Planet Kryton. at least i dun know anyone there.

:::I'm Just fucking tired of these insolents students :::

I go to school library.it's packed. I go to the neighbourhood library, it's worst!!!! what's up with these students? i hate it. my priority as a student is totally taken away. i am a library-goer. i go library whenever i'm free. but these people?! just because it's the exam period,they have to hog these places. i'm not talking on my own behalf. talking for all those parents,office workers who comes here after lunch,students who do research and etc. but how about these selfish students??? they are only seen studying here when it's exams time. i'm so sick and tired of this.
they dun only hog around,but they have become so selfish. they put their bags on the carrels or tables, then GO EAT LUNCH,WONDER FOR A SMOKE AND ETC. all these activities will take for more than an hour for them. argh!!!!!
how about if they already done all of their business,then come to the library and wait to look for a sit where by u can sit for hours til the closure of library. fucking assholes. it's only 1240pm and the library is pack. FYI, the library opened at 12. see how kiasu these damn bitches and bastards are.
so here i am, exploring my feelings towards these insolent brats. dun think i'm one of them. i'm just the ranting bitch who has opinions of my own!!!

::: I'm just fucking tired to be treated as a minority :::

i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.I hate everything in life right now.I finally realised how small i am treated in this family. tired of all these nonsense.tired of all the back-stabbing that happens right in my home.everyone is back-stabbing everyone. and everyone never fulfil their promises. bunch of obselete adults. even the one i trusted most is untrustable now. i know it's wrong to hate things in your family. but i can't fucking stand it anymore. let me give u an incident:

here i am, werking so fucking hard to find means to help out with my fees, and they go...taking away Madam's money. SUPPOSEDLY for my fees....but no.... they have to so-called "INVEST" in another freaking vehicle. If a Kelisa is downpayment of a huge sum,it's a NO. if a bitch walks into the house and take away Madam's money which is like twice as much as the Kelisa, it's OK!!! yeah...of course. fiddy knows where she stand now. Now i totally understand the Human Relation School. i'm so tired of all this. i think this time it's for real i start thinking about other things rather than my so-"blessed" family. it's making me so exhaust.

anyway, my day. ha! it was a very moody morning for me. afternoon too. but i was there for a conversation that managed to cheer me up.

Rafique: Eh Azhar! ko ada ape tadi?! Step mana nak belajar je.

Azhar: eh Fuck you ah.

Rafique (laughs) : Yek eler. si azhar ni step mana punya mat saleh pulak. cakap fuck you.

Azhar (laughs)

Rafique: nak step melayu ah! cakap butoh ah... ahhh..tu baru melayu.

Azhar (laughs)

Then Fiddy tumpang ketawa.

Fiddy(Laughs)

sigh.....yes yes...it takes me so easy to make me laugh these days. gosh. i need help.

::: It's been fruitful :::

I guess hard work does pay off. Oh yeah, passed my evaluation with only one take. yahoo!! i was so happy. managed to get 78/80 for it. hopefully the real test itself will be as good as this evaluation. ahhh...and the test date is like in first week of May. Feel good to be blessed with such powers.heheheh... passed my subject this morning. ok..so everything going smoothly. EXCEPT. financial wise. my account at BBDC is limiting. argh... should i ask mum??? hmmm....

gotta werk later on at 8pm. sigh...feel so lazy. but gotta do what i gotta do.

heard the latest? Nicoll Highway caved in. woah.manage road works to be done. here's the full story from CNA :::

Excavation works at the MRT Circle Line work site along Nicoll Highway near the Merdeka Bridge, behind Golden Mile Complex, collapsed at about 3.30 pm, the Land Transport Authority said on Tuesday.

This has resulted in major soil subsidence along Nicoll Highway.

The stretch of road is now closed to traffic and there was also disruption to the utility supplies in the area, the LTA said.

It advised motorists to avoid this area until further notice.

Channel NewsAsia has been receiving many hotline calls over the incident.

Some of the calls were from people in the Golden Mile Complex area, who say they are being evacuated from the building by police and civil defence officers.

The highway is not passable to traffic on both sides and police have cordoned off link roads leading to the highway.

There were also unconfirmed reports that flames were seen in the area.

::: The Days that Was Done Un-scheduled :::

Sunday was supposed to be jamming day,but it was cancelled. darn. i really was looking forward for it cause get to try out RHCP.hehe... but too bad. i don't know when will be the next one, cause i'm afraid by then, i have to go through the ISF. Intensive Study Fiddy. we'll see how. oh yeah, manage to give the guys from SIM the slot. i missed joining them that day cause i was already at Mustafa Centre around 6.heheh...odd ain't it? finding me there?heheh well it's in the blood....ha ha!

Monday,jus now, was unplanned for me to re-schdule my work. due to some promises of free sneak preview screening,i re-schedule it. but.... sigh...the tickets never came. in the end, watch Starsky and Hutch. it was funny and good action.

I've been spending alot of time with my boy these days. Is it bad??? hmmm.... but i haven neglect the school thingy. serious on getting good scores. wish me luck!!!

Ahhh...did all the practice i need for my RTT evaluation. really really hope i will pass later on's test. Wish me More LUCK!!! gonna spend a few more hours after the practical on the theory. well at least, i'm done with the darn long-winded classes. really really to get my license soon. been quite awhile since i'm seen behind the wheel. sigh....

speaking of which, my 2nd sister being a bitch again. as usual. promises are meant to be broken i guess. ain't getting the "MPV" like she promise. so like i said, she's being a bitch. my boy seems to be disliking her too. sigh,so the history repeat by itself. well, might as well. this is the reason why i'm really hoping to get my 2B soon. been feeling weird since the absence of CRX. NO!!! i'm not pampered! seriously, i love making use of public transport, but the fares are nasty!!!! imagine this.

EZ-Link card------> 3 days = $15
30 days (1 month) = $150

and still, it gets higher when my trips goes all the way to AMK and CCk. argh..... i know
having my own vehicle will be more expensive. but hey! think of the wind blowing thru my body,wearing a spagetti top and jeans, with a scarf around my neck.equipped with a helmet with goggles on a GT200.hahahahah my gawd!!! now i've realised that's weird.

ok as a summary,i've realised i'm so contradicting. hahaha bear with me!

p.s: i got a number of hits lately,but these peeps dun write in the shoutbox.hmmmm.... please do!hehehehe

:::This is in my head.....:::

"Hypermusic" -Muse

Your golden lies feed my role
In this forgotten space race under my control
Who's returned from the dead?
Who remains?

You know I don't want you
and I never did
I don't want you
and I never will

You wanted more than I was worth
And you think I was scared
And you needed proof
Who really cares anymore?
Who restrains?

You know I don't love you
and I never did
I don't want you
and I never will

::: i hate men who hate women :::

dun ask.

:::the path i've chosen:::

it's 11am.suppose to be in IBM RW. but i opted out. please forgive me. i decided to put the time of being in the lecture hall day-dreaming,into some work to be done in the library.studying. yup. brought my IS notes to study. shall get prepared for the class later in the evening. sigh.... can't believe that i'm scheduled from 9am-9pm today.

going for the PCG chalet later on. i pity my boy.depriving his funtime for driving tomorrow. ahh heck.why am i telling you this? you wouldn't care or less. h0pefully he will have fun.

very moody when i woke up today. i dunno why. i just have the urge to scream out loud to the damn fish in the living room. the urge of putting on my jogging shoes and run. run as far as i can. but i can't. have class. sigh.... please God, let this event pass on fast. i have the urge to do many things, but deprived. i have sins i must repay. like neglecting my Madrid. I have trips to make in the holidays.sigh...

Koh samui seems very much going planned smoothly. hopefully the Jingbangs are serious. heee..... sigh...the taste of sea water.... oh yeah,did i mention we're stopping to Krabi? well, i didnt mention cause it was a just a "semangat 5-minute".hehe... but hey hey....Koh Samui/Phangan is a definite. just cant wait for the exams to be over and tone up for my Roxy bikinis. Must-must Die-die have a flat tummy..heheheh....

well ok for now. must go back to study with Siti and Zalin. it's nice to have girlfriends again. :) shall tell u all about the party laterz!!!

:::I've turned evil:::

i've done something bad. and i regret my actions. in fact,now i wish i didnt do it cause i'm more insecure than ever before about myself. i'm sorry,fiddy. i shouldnt have done it. at least if i didnt do it, i know where i stand. but now that things have turn to like this, i've lost my own position. they are all the same. i was right from the beginning.

i shouldnt have done it.
i shouldnt have done it.
i shouldnt have done it.
i shouldnt have done it.
i shouldnt have done it.
i shouldnt have done it.
i shouldnt have done it.
i shouldnt have done it.

::: deniaLstaR donation foundation:::

i need a better job. at the rate i'm going, i think i better forget about Germany2006. arghhh. shucks. a better job that can clear my hp bill. it boomed if u didnt know. arghh

so i've got a new resolution.in fact not new, re-new. to really f*cking work hard for this upcoming event in june. gosh, i am so fame-listic. hahahah.... okok i'm not serious. oh please, i am not one bit excited of this event. i'm just happy that Singapore is really expanding out alot all over the world. i think we'll no longer be "just a dot" in the world map.

i'm glad i've finally breakthrough into the kids' minds at today's lesson. i made them talked. i got RESPONSE!!!! yahoo..... heee.. work is fun,but the pay is bad. BUT,it's ok. it's a start. i just have to start looking for a better job after the exams.

oh yeah, exams. they're coming,did u know? it surprised me too. exactly 30 days to go til my first paper. sigh....sorrows and stress upon me. takpe..... susah dulu,senang kemudian.

::: loss of my treasure:::

for f*cking once, i appreciated something my grandma gave me. (was that sentence broke?) so anyway,few week ago, my Grandma gave me her old sewing machine and a really antique rocking chair. i love to sew. eversince my first sis "bolot" the Electrolux sewing machine,i've stopped sewing. and now,Grandma gave me the antique style of sewing machine. i really love it. now....my first sister wants to "bolot" this. i mean, HALLO!!!!u already have the electrical one. arghh... then my second sis came over for the public holiday. guess what? she wants the rocking chair. here's the thing. eversince the chair came into our home, that is the only chair i would sit on whenever i'm home. it feels so good on the chair. really. and now, she wants the chair. ARGHHHHHH B*TCH i am so angry. i really like the chair. i told her no. and Madam also say no because Grandma gave me. Not her. and guess what? the b*tch asked my dad, and my dad say ok. MY GAWD!!! he f*cking never consult me! i am so DISSED. so i told her, i really like the chair. i gave in, with the condition that i get her beanie cushion at Jurong. but noooooooo...the beanie cost so much more that my rocking chair. if she wanna compare prices, start with my clothes at her house. argghhhh...i want back my knitted Zara sweater, Mango tube, Levis Jeans and wat else....oh yes,the new item i saw packing into her bag just now. my Zara brown tube. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i started my new job today. decided to try private.it was ok, but SHIONG MAN! 3.5 hours str8. sigh.... but,no pain no gain. gotta really save up for upcoming trips in the holidays. i wonder if i'm confirm going to the leadership camp. i hope i do get, cause i really wan to go.

the guys are going Tioman in june...hmmm... i dun think i'm invited. for one, i understand cause like duh! who would wan a girl to come along with a bunch of rowdy guys on a free&easy. perhaps it will be too troublesome for them. nevermind,i'm cool. let's just chilled then. oh well.

when i was in school yesterday, i kinda got too much indulge into the issue of girls. don't get me wrong. it's just that i noticed a big contrast between me and the hot chicks in school. for one,they sure do know how to dress up. halter necks in lecture halls. hahahahha...oh please..... most of them are so naive and plain stupid. what's up with all those nice and sexy and pretty attire for classes. wait....is it to attract the guys from my school? hahaha...ok then, fine. maybe i'm naive, but come on man, if u got it,then u got it. get what i mean? u dun have to wear so sleazy til u're uncomfortable, just for the sake of being the ONE whom all men should kow to. sigh....feel so sad for them.

typically, people like any Tom Dick or Harry would say i'm jealous. seriously? seriously,i'm not. for one thing i know, SIM guys don't really appeal to me. yes there are many that are worth having a second glance. but hey, i'm being myself. isn't that is what the most important thing?? ok then,fine. i shall here. otherwise people might think i'm being too defensive. hahah...go to hell.

oh yeah, Happy Easter?!??!? hee... always had an imagination of bouncing wabbits in collars on the grass.heheh

oh,have i mention that i hate the thought of marriage now? ha! yes, it seems to be the new phobia that i've developed. stories of husbands 2-timing their wives with their wives' sisters, stories of husband going to clubs without the consent of wives, stories of husbands abusing wives (for one,i know this very well.) and stories of husbands marrying 2 or more. ARGGGHHHHHHHH.....i am freaked out. i feel so insecure about marriage. in fact, i don't even wanna to think about who will be my husband-to-be. it is so scary.

:::Bigger,better......broadband:::

ah yes....
1)bigger....i gain weight. everyone seems to be complaining,but not me. yeah right!hehehe my mass kg is the same,but someone ppl seems to spot that i've grown "wider".yikes. sigh.... i really have not much time in the day to go and jog or something. sitting all day on my ass to study and stuff... but then again,i must do something. otherwise i wont be able to look good on a GT200.heee...

2)better...yeah, better in financial style. kinda savings lots of cash for the upcoming trip. madam still says no.heheh.... but i will still go.watch me. heheheh... got a few more assignments for cash flow. sigh..... like madam always say,"Susah Dulu,Senang Kemudian". yes yes..must always remember that.

3) ahhhhh...broadband. i know it's no big deal for most of u, but hey, i'm catching up in technology,k?heheh... besides, broadband first for now. till i get my DIY then i'll up grade. maybe i should try Linux soon. "macam real je....

anyway, hey am i, cooling off in front of my lappy. just got back from practical. dreadful weather. now,it looks like it's gonna rain. great. i better head out to school before it rains heavily.

:::The Great Escape:::

it's 3pm. and i'm logged onto the internet.hmmm... class suppose to end at 5. took the liberty to free myself from boredom.

tomorrow morning, Arsenal vs Chelsea. hmmm.... ok. so B and F are best frens. B is wearing Arsenal jersey and F is wearing Chelsea jersey. nice pair. but my money's on Arsenal. well of course, i don't bet anymore.jus a phrase that we posers like to say.

so the Kelisa is out of the picture. Madam totally kept mum about it.ok then.chill. let's just concentrate on the finals first,shall we?

:::Ahhhh.....Nice long Lunch Break:::

ahhh yes. in SIM multimedia rooms. had lunch with the boys just now. neat. now kinda surfing for the Kelisa. NEAT.

ah yes...Man u Vs Arsenal. a match that tells me to stay out of Icecold is any ARSENAL game. cause obviously it was a Man united hub. arghh... so much for support. 1-0. darn. glad i didnt lost as much as Bryan

:::The problem lies in me:::

decided to pay a little more and log onto the Internet using my GPRS. so bear with the monotonous tone i'm typing.
i hate life.
the life i have now.
exams coming.i'm left with 5weeks. and where am i at revision?i truthfully do not know. and yes, the truth hurts.i need a bloddy damn hug from anyone. anyone. please,someone tell me that it's gonna be over soon..please...yes i look fine. jolly well,i look fine. and jolly well, no one knows what's goin on in my head. i can laugh in your face, but i have statistical fomulae crying out loud in my head. i can smile to ur mirror,but i have management companies spelled across my forhead. i can spend lots of time sleeping,but i have acronyms written on my ceiling.
i am one sad girl.
i hate life.
i hate complaining,but that's what i'm doing.

but at the end, i know it will all end. but the road seems endless right now.someone please tell me it's all right.someone please tell me it's ok to worry. someone please tell me the perfect reason for stress.
no.i'm not stress. i'm seriously not.

sigh... life in mono

life has been hectic for me. well kind of. let's see.

1) RW have started. the socio one has been interesting. Dr Steve Taylor was a good sport and a total anti Arsenal fan.hmm.... oh well. i guess not everyone has to like Arsenal.heheh... i am so narrow-minded.

2) I missed today's RW. i was really in a bad shape. fell sick. really really felt awful this morning. i was like a total hamster-look-alike on the bed. slept all afternoon. hopefully i am able to attend tomorrow's RW.

3) yes, i'm mourning. mourning (not complaining), regarding the step-down. i have become a normal civilian. don't drive the cr-x anymore. in fact, dad decided to get back into his "awek-muda" lifestyle. yes,yes, if u see a red CR-X around woodlands with a pak Haji driving it, don't be surprise. Madam has been pitying me. cause i have troubles with transport. especially now that i'm working and schooling at the same time. she decided to fork out some of her money to get me a car. so i have to follow her rules and get the car that she want. nothing big, just small. jus something that fit her and me. she's looking more into Suzuki. but i'm looking more into either a Mini, March or Mazda 121. i don't want a big car either. it's too.... bulky. besides, why need a big car. gonna help her with installments monthly. she so nice to me.

4) like i said, i'm looking for a car. so please keep a look out for me. my choices are either a `93/`94 Nissan March, a Mini (any year) or a `92 121. my main idea, and his, is to get a Mini. one thing, we wanna modify it. back to the good old days. kinda wanna get a nice paint job and good sound system. hee... the Beetle is nice too, but the ones that i've come across, are too old. so maintenance are gonna be hard.

5) My internet will resume on 24th april, so till then i'll be hogging more often around WRL or SIM for access. i'm not deprive. in fact, i'm happy this way. at least i'm not as occupy on the internet like i used to. study more..... 6 weeks left.

6) I'm very fine with my boy these days. even though we sometimes quarrel over petty things, we're still good. we're no longer in our honeymoon period. in fact, we're planning big stuff now. i think i've gre mature because of him. i see things in life differently when i'm with him. he make me see many things that i don't normally see on the plain surface. i'm really happy. anyway, big stuff. well of course we're not talking about the M word. big stuff like our overseas trip,the car i wanna get, the bike i wanna get,his and my education and other bigger stuff that we never thought that we'll be talking about. sigh..... love is so much in the air. thank you. i think i'm a better person than before. in the past, people often takes the bad side of me and leave me to rot. no names mention. but you....u bring out the best of me.hee....

okok...done-ded. gotta leave WRL soon. they close at 9pm.shucks. okok....see ya all.