dun blame me.

dun blame me for being distrustful about men. seriously... i had enough of all these nonsense goin on..and it's like...within my own circle of frens. one after another....

ok...so here's the reason wise. woke up in the morning, just to find out that one of my fren is actually cheating on his gf. arghhh... i mean wassup with you guys...

there's saying that my gal pal quoted,"Filrt with many, but love one." sorry gal, i dun go by that way.. no matter how long your relationship is, stick to it.. i mean, unless under some circumstances like liar parteners, fetish partners, or watever, then maybe, call it a day!!! dun cheat on her!!! as a girl, i feel sad for the gf. but for him, i dunno if he's still a fren. arghhh.... this is like not the first occurence i encounter. in fact, it seems to be a criteria to be a boyfriend.

unless, u live in New York, where u DATE and dun say ILOVEYOUS. then maybe, sure... fling here and there. but hey.. right now, the situation is bad...very bad... these men are the ones that's pulling the rest down... obnoxious creep!!!!! arggghhhhhhhhh i'm so angry!!!!!! so wat if r relationship has been like a long term!? that doesnt mean that when u get bored with her, u just take another out!!! i'm like so detestable to these men... arghhhh!!!!!

now, do you know why i hardly mention the word that begin with the letter "M"? cause no matter how faithful to the girl u appear to be, things will change...

oh wait, here's another thing... when a guy does it, it seems ok. but when a girl does it, she's a slut. WASSSUP?!!!!!

Bastardirdo!

some un-beliefs u encounter in life

i can't believe that a fren...yes, a fren... questioned me on my beliefs. hmm... this is hard. now i wonder, is he a fren or not a fren. oh well.... anyway, for a first in my life, i'm actually labelled as to having a larger EGO. do i ?? it's so weird. one minute he's a fren, next he's a fan, and the following, he's an ass.

like i said before my year 2004 has been a nasty one. but of course, not as nasty as 2003. year 2004 has been like the rollercaster ride, especially with wat u call.... "f.r.i.e.n.d.s". right now, as i think of it, i have very "indeed-friends". wat's the point of having so many, when a large portion are just putting up faces with u at lunch. argh...

it is me? or is it the fact that these people are on the path of destroying fiddy? how can Man be so happy, yet obnoxious in the inside?

why and how

i was just enjoyin my night today. kinda suppose to meet up with Irwan for the clubbin with taufik thingy, but i'll pass... no cash,no mood. especially with the marketing test comin up. so i enjoy my night with the normal tv shows.

flicking from ArtCentral and Ch5."How to be a Prince". hmm.. interesting. it was the goo's and ooo's about our damn-good looking Prince William. and of course, his "spare-heir-brother" Prince Harry.it seems complicated to be born into the royalty family like theirs. but then again, when u're clever (str8 As student), sport-oriented (captain of the Water Polo and Swimming team) and a well-known icon in school, it seems like life has been great for Wills. in fact, the journalist added that this was not because that he is a royal blood.

come to think of it, wat if he's not str8? i mean, wat if this kid lost interest in life after Diana died...stressed by the mass media, hated his brother.... will he be wat the Britain called "The Golden Heir". weird huh? but hey, it has become a dream for me since this show. Not only i yearn to be a prncess, BUT to have a documentary on How to Be a Fiddy. chic yeh?

so then i flicked to Survivor. yeah... i know it was a mistake to watch that. seems like it's another mistake production. but this episode seems special to me in a way. That , no matter how many miles away you are from home, your heart still travelled back to home. hmm... so...watever!!! blame it on media for my thinking.

so...... wat else is new? oh wait... nothing. i'm still doing my routine of waiting the episode guide from The Oc. and i'm still being treated like "it doesnt matter that i'm there."(sometimes he's nice, and other times,he's being pissed off)

bottom line is, why is it so hard to just show the real me?

i love me lately

it's weird these days. i kinda love me. as in... i love the way i am these few days. i didnt like the way i was used to be.. but jus this week, i feel good on the inside. i took away the lens, put on my type 1, looks at everyone who has an attitude towards me and best of all, bitchin abt others is great.

okok... i didnt mean to look like this. i have a reason. it's because i attract attention of some. i kinda hate that. i'm not being cocky or arrogant. but i just wan the attention to me mainly be the fact that i'm nice and bitchy. i seriously don't know the problem that some has towards me. they sees me like a bee, buzzin here and there with my fellow adrones. well that's me.

i cant help it if i can actually outsmart some people. i can't help it if i tell someone that i hate her. cause i know i wouldn't do it behind closed doors. that's me. is that wrong?

the whole week, i relentlessly chill back.

not til today of course. now that Jeff knows my name, i'm sure to kick some fuss in future ISDM class. hahaha...

ok... that's not the point i wanna point out. the point is...can you guys please regard me as a normal human with no specialty in any ways. i'm a natural girl with natural dark-vengeful plasma. arghhh....

okok.. now i sound confusing.

ok. thought of the day.... are u a radical humanist or a radical structuralist? figure this one out thru some test, and get back to me.heheh

The OC freak

i'm like the biggest OC freak... that I know. Just caught the season 2,episode 3. it was sad. Seth totally lost Summer to this water-polo politician wannabe, Zach. At the end part, they played this really cool track. The song was sung by a girl. it's all about her who likes this guy. However, he already had someone else in his mind. Then he finally lost that girl. it sound really sad, but i feel that somehow, someone out there happened to experience such event. So sing along the lyrics here and think about it.

Rachael Yamagata-Worn Me Down

Gone - she’s gone.
How do you feel about it?
That’s what I thought.
You’re real torn up about it.
And I wish you the best
I could do without it
And I will because you’ve worn me down
Oh, I will because you’ve worn me down

Worn me down like a road.
I did everything you told.
Worn me down to my knees.
I did everything to please you.
But you can’t stop thinking about her.
No, you can’t stop thinking about her.

And you’re wrong. You’re wrong.
I’m not overreacting.
Something is off.
Why don’t we ever believe ourselves?
And I, oh I, I feel that word for you.
And I will because you’ve worn me down.
And I will because you have worn me down.

Worn me down like a road.
I did everything you told.
Worn me down to my knees.
I did everything to please.
But you can’t stop thinking about her.
No, you can’t stop thinking about her.

She’s so pretty.
She’s so damn right.
But I’m so tired of thinking about her, again, tonight.
Worn me down like a road.
I did everything you told.
Worn me down to my knees.
I did everything to please you.
Worn me down like a road.
I did everything you told me to do.
But you, you can’t stop thinking about her.
No, you can’t stop thinking about her.
No, you can’t stop thinking about her.
No, you can’t stop thinking of her.

wat's the point.

this is a season of happiness.but i dont see it. it's also a season of forgiveness. yet, i still dont see it.

why can't life be perfect? oh...wait.... it cant. cause this society ain't a utopian model at all. so what do we do when life is bad for us? die...?seek therapy?

i'm a person who has alot of problems. mainly the 2 Fs; financial and family. it was never a perfect and memorable moment in my phase of life. its so sad to be fiddy in this really blood-sucking society. Glenn Morgan once said that, Society made who we are, not we who make society. seriously, i think when u have no status,no money, y0u are a no body. even to my parents. i'm a nobody. i'm just somebody's daugther and somebody's sister.is that a title? nope.
but later in the years, i found another problem in me.perfection. yes, there's no such thing as utopian. but since God has made us to come down to earth,why not make use of it?

when He makes someone, he/she would either be the antagonist or the protagonist. but do we know in ourselves which one are we?

i hated my life. seriously. but there's no point crying out loud for nuts. cause it would not change magically. so the only way i moved on is that, i compare my life with others. the rich, the poor and even the disable. if the rich can be rich, why not i? if the poor remains poor, why cant i change that?if the disable are not able to move as well as me, why can't i help?

when i was under therapy few years back, i was an awful person.(but of course, i'm still the Bitch of sarcasm.) i had to live on pills to just get me to sleep. because only thru sleeping, i can stop worrying or crying. but i cant be a pill-addict for life. life has to move on. no matter how much it hurts, it has to move on.

that's life for u, bitch.

i'm hook

it's 4am now. cant believe, i'm still active. even the vallium is taking over my night shift. sucks man.

got a new hp jus now. pretty cool fetures. jus that i think i need a big mmc. 512, perhaps?hee...

idols,idols,idols....the new thing that's hook in my life at the moment. i can't believe, 80% of my frens who came over my house last friday had that to be the common thing to talk about. so i got hook since the last 4 finalists... besides, at least this is like the only show me and my mum are hooked to together. her choice was this Baby whale. but i guess, even the biggest current ain't helping her now. so now it's down to S'pore Usher (bleugh) and Jay Chou wannabe. my money will be on Usher...i mean Taufik. but hey, i'm not voting for him. i'm just proud that we have such talent. seriously. my opinion that is. Just listen to him. i think his best shot was when he sung, Belaian Jiwa and Ain't no Sunshine. he really shined and took my heart away.

so i'm just gonna seat back and wait for his arrival.

but hey, who can actually beat the Indonesian idol....?

the few days of tension

it's not tension i guess. it's just that the friends thingy has been quite bad for me lately.so ok, not lately. just maybe this year aint a year of frens for me.in fact, the line between frens and blood-sucking-back-stabbing-worthless frens is really gray. and my eyesight is getting bad.

so my so-called open house had just ended. and no...he didnt come. i wanted him to come so much. but he didnt. i guess when parents are involved, things can be a little too shaky.oxymoron. but anyway, i thought to us, this festive is such a good season to have peace. it seems like a hard thing to do, but i just wish things weren't this way.

most of my frens from past and present came. nice to see them again.got some pressies from them too. got a really nice furry pen,bodyshop stuff,and a new pair of hamsters which came from NurFar. thanks u peeps. now i got to find a cage for them. they cant leave in a shoe box forever.

oh yeah, when to the Mototshow 2 days back. Caught Russ Swift in his stunt stuff. all i can say is WOW. i'm totally impress by the Impreza and WRX.good marketing, guys. all the cars was lookin forward to see was there, even cayenne. except... the Prado TX. dissapointin, but overall, it was great.

i'm like so lazy to put up pics right now...just stay tune!

setahun menghilang, sekarang menjelang

so... hari raya... birthday... well, either way i aint much gaining. except for the fact that i'm gaining weight only. dun worry, Cali is here. yup, back to gym tomorrow. gotta look good for this friday. oh yeah, before i forget, all my frens are invited for hari raya this friday. remember the word frens. not back-stabbing frens of dump-in-the-ditch frens.

the only thing i like about raya is the fact that everyone is happy. happy to put faces likely. i think if Suria were to ever film my family, it would be a blockbuster. one cousin that i was happy to see was the fella who was born exactly 2 weeks before me. wow. yup, so u can see the resemblance in us both. heheh.... naughty pair. so anyway, he's hooking me up with the idols soon. yup, for the editorial of course. (and of course an face-to-face interview hee...)

hmm.. other than that, i think i just enjoy the looking-good part for raya. too bad my 3rd sis didnt jalan with us. i guess she's pretty knocked out from the sales. and i have to say this to her income. WOAH and WAHLAU WEI!!

forever 20,please.

yup, it's the time of the year. and i'm not talking about the day before Hari Raya. the other one. when i was young, i was so lookin forward to this day. but as i get older, i kinda diss it. argh.. but anyway, the Mng perfume and cash did smoothed the emphatic little me.

so let's just move on, would we?

Selamat Hari Raya, you all!!!

woah...

ah.. another Monday burned for house cleanin. but today is different. i actually painted the house main door.the decision-making for the color wat actually tedious.

"Mummy, wat color u want?"
"Alah, any color also can. What color u wan?"
"You shouldnt have asked me that. I sure want Pink!"
"Tak lawa lah!!!"
"Yellow ah!" (Daddy)
(Earth to Daddy!!!!) "Now it's yellow wat!!! The purpose of painting is to get rid of the yellow!!!"
"Nak pakai langsir ape eh this year?"
"I thought u said Green?!"
"Ah ok lah... Green lah!"
"erm.... green?"

yup, it's green. i'm not actually fond of the color, but mum let me choose the green that i want, so i pick LIME GREEN. By right, it's "Cool Lime"-5078 Nippon. heheh.... so i head down to my old housing estate and bought the stuff i needed. whole day wasnt enuff. i think i'll continue tomolo. cause mum wants this dark green lining by the side. arghh...

so anyway, got 2 early pressent this year! hee.. my sis bought me this nice new fragrance from Mng. And like Ibrahim always said, a little cash is good too. hee.. my other sis gave me some cash to buy clothes cause she cant be bothered to go out and buy the present. hee... yippee!!!

my place in his heart has been taken over

yup, it's official. i have lost my place in his heart. now he think is about is her. she's pretty, tall (yet heavy), can make a lot of memories...bla bla bla......

arghhh

and guess wat? u can now live happiliy ever after with her! argh!!!

my CD collection up for sale.

Click here.

my CD collection up for sale. nothin big "wah" but just some old records that still worth the money, i hope. do bid. thank u