bye bye

U can call me an American Idol groupie. But if you enjoy the talents the contestants, u are one too. I do not really watch the AMI4 religiously, but i managed to get a few favs into my list when i had the chance to sit back ,without my mum nagging, and enjoy the show. My 2 favorites was Nadia and Anwar. Thy have got to be my favorites cause the voice they have, is purely distinctive. Maybe it's just me. I really really thought one of them would be the eventual winner. but i was wrong.

When Nadia went out, i was shocked. The fav guy should have been voted out that night. Dammit. But i suppose Nadia wasn't as good as the rest of them to the voters. But the following week was pretty much surprising. Anwar Robinson was voted out. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! he is so smooth and sleek. how could he be possibly became an overnight loser. According to the shows that i HAVE watched, i do not think that he was ever a bottom 3 before. I think. But that week, it was turned to be a bad surprise.



I do not know if it was his religion that kinda made the voters laid back. Maybe,Maybe not. The week before he was voted out, they kinda showed the family and frens of Anwar Robinson. It turns out, there were a few head scarved ladies in the audiences who were his family. So the following week, he was voted out. Coincidental or just racist? I have nothing against the voters. Just that, i think Anwar could have made it for the finale, cause he's just as good as Vonzel,Carrie ,Gary-sinise-Look-Alike and Bo Dice (or is it Bice).

Internationally.

My topic to study today was International Marketing. Well, it turns out that my mum had that in mind too. hmm.. weird. she talked abt her frens who are going to other countries for holidays as their kids had migrated there.(Turns out, there really quite a number of them!)

Then she started talking about her Europe-France experience back then. How she travelled to the Paris, climbed the Eiffel Tower, watched the Leaning Pisa lean in ... hee... it was fun listening to her. made me more motivated to study hard.

But she just had to add the part where Fiddy-Is-The-Last-Jedi (sorry, i just had to exaggerate.) . our relatives have been praising her that at least she got a daughter (me) who is still pursuing her studies, unlike them.Well, hey, i'm not blowing my own trumpet here. But let's check back on reality;

(1)My first sister was a high school drop out.Got married early.
Highest achievement:Bore a Grandson that everyone loves.

(2)My 2nd sister was a high school drop out too. But she led the life of luxury when she was an air stewardess.
Highest achievement:Bore another great looking Grandson whom i love so much,Ryan Kamal.

(3)My 3rd sister had dreams of fines arts and the life of Paris. But after she left LaSalle, she kinda got "bent". She totally changed her perspective of life.
Highest Achievement: As to date, her biz is doing very very well and gave me a great bro-in-law to look up to.

(4)I can't help it that my aunts' kids are having a totally different mindcept than me. Maybe they prefer to just do things they want for themselves and not for their parents.

(5) The final real-reality is that, I love my mum. I can't afford to let her down like my sisters did in school. I strive and feed on competitions in life. Or should i say, the challenges in life (chey dee ahhh!! ) I mean, i dream of living and making life better for my mum. I don't want her to work and slog anymore. I just want her to relax. I know i don't really like to be studying still. But come to think of it, i'm glad that i listened to her and carried on. Cause i know that , everything i do for her, is beneficial for me too. Besides, my life-plan is actually to out-do my sisters. hee.... can't help it. I was brought up to be competitive.

Oh, yes, i listen to my mum most of the time. But the one time when i don't listen to her is when she start to talk about match-making me with her fren's son.ewwww.....ahahah...

Now with my upcoming JPLT coming on, maybe i'll take her to Japan one day. When that happens, she'll start talking about Japan,rather then her France experience, to my sisters. heee...

OK, looks like i am blowing my own trumpet.

Hard Day's Work

Supposedly, it's spring cleaning day today. So in order to escape that, i told my mum that i'm going to school to study. She definitely would let me off by using that excuse. But today it wasn't an excuse. I did went to school.

In fact, did alot of things on Marketing today with Nur and Fiq.School closed early today. So then we went to NUS to continue our stuff after the KFC (thanks,Fiq). At a quarter to eleven, we headed home. It was a fruitful day. Cause i liked it when we all sat and dicuss on some issues.

Oh, and i found out something surprising today. It was.... weird but, surprising! Haha... watever it is, i wish you all the best, "girl".

I kinda got the bad vibes about certain friends these days. They are really cold to me lately. I thought it was my fault. Turns out, partially it is my fault. It was mainly my past. I remembered i got drunk the other day and blurt something bad to a person. and that person kinda used it against me from then. It was like dominos. One person to another person. it's really mean of that person. But i guessed it's my fault. BUT..... is my past that bad?? i mean, come on..... everyone has skeletons in their closet. I can't help it if my closet was suddenly opened. sigh....

I just hope i don't see these people in the next season. Cause i hope it will be my last season til i join another "tv" show. so i hope it will be a good ending for next season. I know this season was quite a bad one, especially with the departure of my good fren Ibm. (We hope to see you next season,dude! Maybe as a gueststar?)

worthless past?

it's almost 4am now. at least my o'clock said so. yes, i'm still up. just finish my first part of ISDM stuff. This blog wasn't planned. but somehow i felt the urge to blog on wat i had thought about earlier.

which is, my life.

it wasn't too long ago that i realised that i'm not much of a liked-person everywhere i go. yeah, go ahead and gloat. Since that's wat human feeds for, you can go ahead and agree that i'm not really a nice person. i'm not gonna be typing words to defence for myself. I can't actually.I can't help it if i am the way i am. I didnt force the environment to change. i mean, the environment is just there.

Here's the part where u can start to gloat more. I dun have many frens. The people i meet outside schools turns out to be people-from-outside-school. The people i meet in school, pretend to be a fren, but actually they know my past. And because of my past, i was alienated. seriously. I can't help it that you know the person i used i know. I can;t help it that i'm not happy about my past. i can't help it cause i'm not nice to you.

I guessed i've pointed out the main reason why i'm hardly studying in school these few weeks. Cause i meet these people who pretends to be my fren, but when i leave for home, they talked behind my back about my past. why is the human nature so complex? why can't i be treated like a new-fren, than a person from the past? why does my past matters to you people so much? is there so much to talk about me?

i may not be perfect to be a fren. that's because you people never allow me to. it's my imperfections that seems to glow more.

thanks alot, frens. i guessed now, i can only count my real frens with my fingers.

The rules of the game has changed.

The most 2 favorite realities shows that i love is The Amazing Race and The Apprentice. I think the only reason i love them most is explained by the word Hype. You may disagree with me, but i don't really care, do I?

"It's nothing personal. It's just business."

anyway, been out since 6am for my sis 2nd photo shoot. Different location, Different photgraphers. It was taxing to drive them here and there, but I guess my help meant alot to them. So i dun mind helping them out. Since i can't contribute much to her wedding, this could be the least that i can do. Sigh... their day is getting near and mine is even near.

30days left to my first paper. Hmmm.... and i've only covered the first section of Organisation Theory. Dammit. But i'm sure glad that I went to Dr Sean's workshop.

Oh, have i mention that I got a new hairdo? Well, it wasn't planned at all. Kind of an impromtu action. That is so emergent change. hmm... so anyway, was shopping with my eldest sis on saturday. Her main motive was to re-do her hair and my main motive was to chaffeur her. Turns out, the hair was too good to miss. So, yes... i gave in to temptation and re-do my hair.... And i love it.. more then ever... I was borned with straight (not a curl) hair. Then it turned wavy. Which led me to the trend of re-bonding. Then a year past, I spoilt it by perming. (ARGHHHH...) Then i cut off my perm and was left with really messed up wavy hair. Waited for a few months and did the red streak (which now is slight pinkish-red). Then 3 weeks later (now) , I got back my straight hair. gonna take care of it properly now. Dun wanna torture my hair anymore. Well, at least until the wedding is over... (hee...) But now my family are confused by the colors. I have brown, black and red?

i think i yakked too much now. Gotta complete my Marketing now.... which is so unlikely.

the party pooper

The atmosphere to study from 11pm till the early morning is peaceful and eccentric. hee... well last night was one of the rare nights we could possibly have in this home. Although there are only my parents and I living here, it's hard to have any conversation with my dad.

There we were. 2am in the kitchen. My dad spreading his bread with cheese and my book was on Marxian Theory. What better way could 2 political minds meet. He got really interested into my studies. And from his expressions and words, he finally understood how hard it is to be in my position,sitting for exams.Then i raised the issue of casino. He talked about LKY, I talked about Dr Vivian... and we ended our political issues with Germany's government. It was a great talk. Been a long time since we talk. Even though it wasn't the normal father-daughter conversation, I was happy. We had the same frequency.

Now i miss all my sisters. The Charmed Ones Eversince they all moved out and started their own family, i feel so much loneliness. And now, my only 3rd sister is getting married. The one that i'm closest to. I'm happy that she's getting married... but..... you know when u feel that u lost something, but actually it's still there?I kinda have that weird feeling. But i'm glad i'm getting a good bro-in-law.

Oh today was quite surprising on MSN. I met a very old classmate. We met in JI back in 2000. Then yr2, she left and did her degree overseas. she recently added me in MSN and this morning, she was online for the first time, eversince she added me like 3 months ago. So we talked about a lot of things. I was surprised to hear that she's married. And no, it wasn't a shot-gun marriage. In fact, she's still trying hard to get pregnant.She was even more shocked to hear about my beau in JI. But she was then supportive for what happened. So i got her address and gonna invite her for the wedding.

It's really nice to get back into the world of friends. Real friends that is. Not the ones that stabbed you and run. Ha....

what's new

I haven been much in school these days. Been staying home studying, going to work and at the end of the day, check my mails for new sales. Basically, i've lost contacts of civilization.

Unlike some friends i have, who clubs and party all week (Yeah, You! Mayrah!hee... ) , I would sit back in my couch (after a hard time getting Organisation Theories in head) watching CSI:NY. Gary Sinise looks good. Lately,also, I've done my invitations for the Wedding. Just inviting the closest frens for the dinner and close frens for the reception. All i'm left to do now, is to put in all the invites into the Post Office Box.

Oh, My bike kinda got left out alot this week. Been raining alot. So, gotta drive for trips to work.

My exam dates are out. Argghh. I got exactly 4 weeks left. SERIOUSLY. sigh.... gotta get thru this semester fast. Cause at the end of it, I'll see the light to breathe. That sounds stupid.

So anyway, been helping my mum over the Wedding. I just dun understand why she is so stressed up over it? I mean, it's my sister's wedding. And it's my 3rd sis!!! It's the 3rd wedding my mum had to help. sigh.... I need a wedding planner for her. Or maybe not.

oh, anyone wanna go HongKong with me in the holidays? I'm bored.

I

I can be cry at.
I can be happy at.
I can be angry at.
I can be laugh at.
I can be love at.
I can be hateful at.

Lastly, I can be dump.
BUT I CAN'T BE LIE AT.

So watch it.

emo-fiddy

i know i'm blunt when i speak. I know i'm bitched-out when i stared. and i also know that i'm wasted when i drink. none of these would have happened if there isn't any history behind it. i used to be a really really happy person. but over the years, my social impact was destroy bit by bit. Well guess what? I don't even think i have thought about things correctly since.

i guess i'm sorry if i ever had hurt anyone out there. Things happened for a reason. I stab you, you stab me. i wish there is just one person who can speak my mind and make it comprehensible for all. but there isn't. to you, i broke many hearts. but true fact is, mine got broken into nano pieces each time. to you, i was a mistake and a regret. but did you notice the grimmed of your smile, the flutter in your tummy and the twinkle of your eye, when you met the new one? then how about me? i dont get the grims,flutters and twinkles. i only get forgotten.

maybe it's just karma.Or maybe, what you thought was right about me, could just be the flaw in you. Think about it.


p.s: the YOUs i'm talking about, are not about a present person.

the GBA craze

i'm turning quite a GBA whizz lately. cause basically, the money i earned by selling these games can actually be saved or used for better purposes. Something u might call a GBA Freelance.

let's see... nothin much happen today. Just that it's been raining quite a lot that my Kitty Wave got neglected. damn.

Financial problems as usual.

Hmm... wat else? Damn, i thought I had a lot to talk about.

Oh well...

Mayra's Party

so i did end up going to the chalet. didnt ride, cause the weather look so bad. so drove there, picked Shaipul from Aljunied and went to the chalet. when we arrived, a lot of May's frens were already there.

But one problem. There was no fire to cook the food... hmmm.. it's 9.45pm and no food? so i had to be sarcastic fiddy and said "Alright, bring in the rescue unit!"

ahahha... Nur,Ibm,my boy and azrin re-start the fire and 20 mins later, we had food for all. sigh... i'm so glad all of my frens were specialised in this.

By midnight, there were alot of wasted people. hmmm.. and my boy just had to be one of them. I was really really pissed with him. he drank so much that i think he kinda became offensive. i think he need drinking management.

so by 2.30pm, alot had left and i told my boy to get some sleep before werk. so he did. and also woke up a couple of times to vomit. guess who had to clean that up? arghhh.... didnt wanna bunk with him. but as i were asleep, another wasted fren of May's was totally wasted. he need a bed. so i gave up mine and bunked in with my boy who practically didnt even realise i was there til 5.30am.

but overall, i think it was a great party. at least Mayra had fun and didnt like became a party-pooper for the stuff that we did. hehhehe... Great party, Mayra. we should do this again!

sometimes you can't make it on your own.

The Oc didnt aired this week, so i killed time by watching the reruns. then i heard the U2 song. I knew that song was in the OC mix. didnt like it at first... but after going through the lyrics, i was so wrong. i think it's one of the best songs for The OC. (of course, not as best as Racheal Yamagata-Worn Me down)

the chalet thingy is tonight. i guess i'm going after all. i mean, this is like the one place i should be to flaunt my new streak. hee.... bimbo.

oh yeah, we made up.

oh yeah, i love Mayra's present actually. even had the idea to buy her another present. hee... but no... i guess i'll get a similiar handbag like hers next season.

meanwhile, enjoy the song.


U2-Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff
You’re telling me and anyone
You’re hard enough.
You don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone
And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I… that’s alright
We’re the same soul I don’t need…
I don’t need to hear you say
That if we weren’t so alike
You’d like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone
And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

I know that we don’t talk I’m sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me – when – I - Sing,
you’re the reason I sing
You’re the reason why the opera is in me…

Where are we now?
I’ve got to let you know
A house still doesn’t make a home
Don’t leave me here alone...

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
Sometimes you can’t make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

my frens are your frens..... ( i suppose )

first there was Fai and Nur. yeah ok... things are great as great kopi buddies with him.

then there was Fique. yeah ok.... no harm i suppose...

(fury begin to rage)

then there was IBM. well ok. this is where the line starts to be really really thin.

(arghhh)

soon, there was Cai. The hint-warns were so ambigious to him. hmm...

Now... there's Mayrah. and there's a catch. it's now a gal. A gal that i thought... "Hey maybe we can be really close frens.."

well yeah... label me as the selfish galfren if u wan. but i thought u would know better. maybe it wasn't the KL trip that made me feel uncomfortable with the way things are. maybe it's this weekend's chalet that is the main reason.

dun blame me if i'm not there. cause i dun feel comfortable looking at things the way i hate it.