reality

had a reality check.

had a pure reality check as i was organizing my life schedule in my organizer. i liek to keep my schedule tight so i have this Muji organizer which i've been using for the past 2 years. it's great to me cos i save quite a sum as i only need to get re-fills for the pages. besdies, my next organizer would be a PDA, which obviously, i cant afford one now. maybe in a few years time or a resolution for 2007.

anyway, did my schedule of classes and prelim exams. and BOY! Was i in shock. i was actually shocking myself with dates and datelines which i already know, but to actually see it coming so near to u, it's just a pure reality wake-up call. gosh. i saw how cramp my jan and feb would be. and to kick off March, my prelims. then of cos, my real exams in May/June. it seems like May/June is far, but to me and other gizmos in my shoes, it's really, really near. the worst dateline i can say now it 28Feb'06. that's the dateline for my SE project. OMG. i have 8 weeks left to do my programming, testing and user manual.Just one word. HELP.

then when i was done with the scheduling and stuff, i started to wonder. what the hell is gonna happen after my exams end? will i be looking for a job immediately? sending out 30 over resumes to 30 over companies? sigh..... u know what? i think i'll think about that after World Cup '06. Nothing else matters than World Cup. don't try to ask me who am i supporting this year. since Turkey and Senegal not around, i might just be rooting for other underdogs.

now i can see that times does flies very fast. it seems like yesterday i was in first year,making frens during orientation. hehe...

yummy

yummy

ape nie!!!Just when i'm looking forward for the big Sale by my fav retailer, my horoscope reading just had to play me out!!

"An impulsive purchase might seem to have your name on it, but don't get so caught up in the moment that you forget about what you've got your extra cash earmarked for. That plan shouldn't be abandoned just because something random catches your eye. Be a little conservative -- if you decide you really can't live without it, you can always come back for it later. Chances are, it won't look quite so alluring then. "

what the hell?! But then again, it helps actually. so that i dont go overboard with the spending. cause i do have a trip to spend on this weekend.

anyway, me and Isk got really excited at MSN moments ago!!! I cant believe it!!! OASIS IS COMING!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG....!!!! i couldnt believe my ears when isk enlighten this to me during MSM class. gawd, first i gotta save for the exams fees and then i can save for the Oasis concert. I HAVE TO GO TO THIS CONCERT!!! remember the era when Blur and Oasis were comparative to each other? hee... i was a great Blur fan. still remember the time i went to the Blur concert with natalia. now, Oasis is coming. my gawd!!! i so-want to be there and grrove to their tunes. arggghhhh

Seperti Dulu - Exist


Selalu ku mengharapkan
Kau akan segera pulang
Kau baik seperti dulu
Menghapuskan rindu yang sering menghantuiku

Semenjak kau datang
Dihatiku sayang
Semua resahkan hilang
Diriku bukanlah seorang yang mudah
Menyalakan cinta semudah kata

Ku dambakan cinta indah seperti dulu
Kerana cintaku tak pernah rasa jemu
Biar hati bimbang aku terus menunggu
Kerana ku tahu kau tak pernah jauh
Kau dihatiku…

Dihari yang datang
Janganlah kau ulang
Lukai hatiku sayang
Aku pun bukanlah seorang yang bisa
Menggantikan cinta sekelip mata

Aku inginkan cinta kita seperti dulu
Kerana cintaku tak mudah rasa jemu
Biar hati bimbang aku terus menunggu
Kerana ku tahu kau tak pernah jauh
Kau dihatiku…

what exactly

what exactly have i been busy with these days?

i cant believe it. i felt like i was so busy during these few days. not that i was celebrating xmas or anything. i was actually busy with... werk?well technically i suppose. i was busy with work, covering the hours i missed for waking up late and mencuri tulang-timings.been sleeping over at the Jurong house for the past few days. i really needed the break from my mum. i just do not understand why she just have to piss me off at times. it's like as though i'm that useless to her. yes, i love her and we do have special bonding-times. but sometimes, i think she wants so much of me,yet i cant give her that much. i'm 23 and yet, my curfew seems so limited. i'm starting to provide for this household and yet, my life feels like i'm binded by her.i just don't get it. i know she doesnt want to make the same mistakes she did with my other sisters. but can't she just stop and think that i'm really different from them? i get my grades, do my errands for her, stayed away from gangsters, all my frens are decently-surprising and best of all, i had never talked back to her. it's just frustrating.

now she expects me to continue teaching tuition when i've decided to not teach. cause u see, my exams are drawing near and my projects are really killing my other subjects.so i have to sacrifice teaching and just work for my sister (which of cos,pays me better than tuition). as many of my UOL frens would have know by now, the exams fees are expected by 14thJan. sigh.... now, can anyone tell me where to find $2k within 2 weeks? see my point? i obviously have to pay for it myself, just like i did for my semester fees and school allowances. i wish i can just tell my mum to keep it shut and listen to my stresses, rather than TELLING me her stresses over some little matter of my nephew getting skinny.

i wish i could tell u that, i've been busy with projects, instead of work.but i cant. truthfully, i'm as guilty as a guilty duck. i have not been touching my projects eversince 17th dec.that's the truth. right now, i'm a few days away from the KL trip. took a few days off this week so that i can at least do some chapters and revise my MSM as well.the first quarter of 2006 will definitely be short cause school will only last for another 8 weeks or less from now.so u can see how fucked-up i am feeling now over my projects. but like i said, the P word is getting to be a vulgar word these days.

anyway, i cant be so morbid all the time.i gotta look on the brightside that everything that had happen, 2006 will be sort of a turning point in my life.will be graduating .since it's my last lap,. i gotta put in more effort.best of all, 2006 could be the year that leaves a mark in my life. i really hope it's the best year ever. i just feel that something great is gonna happen this year.

while waiting.

did this while waiting for someone to come by here.


You are the Hermit card. The Hermit has chosen a
solitary spiritual path. He shines light on his
inner self and, by this means, gains wisdom.
The Hermit's home is the natural world and it
is by being in tune with that world that he
learns the laws of nature and learn how they
operate within himself. His path is a lonely
one as he lives in silence and has for
companionship only his own internal rhythms.
But those crossing his path are touched by his
light and wisdom. Though often alone, he
manages nevertheless to instruct those who meet
him and guides those who chose to follow him on
a path towards enlightenment. Image from The
Aleister Crowley Tarot deck.
http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/thoth/

Which Tarot Card Are You?

meow

meow....

i love Aslan!!!!christmas eve was suppose to be sucky for me. i was on leave and no one was free. Ispanky bubbled me.supose to meet around 7pm and until now, i haven heard from him. argh. anyway, by 11pm, my cousin,Irwan called to check if i'm dateless. i was watching Ocean's 11 at jurong home at that moment. sms everyone i knew in jurong if anyone is free. i was at the verge to sms-ing my 2 new frens, salamat and syu too. but i was thinking, that since we're new to each other, better not. cause they both do not know how hype up i can be at night. anyway, irwan and i made some arrangements and our impromtu to watch a movie date was fixed!!!

caught The Chronicles of Narnia.actually, i was quite cynical about watching this show when saw the trailer. i was never a fan of fantasies like Neverending Story. but was i so-wrong when i watched Narnia.wow. i just love the effects and the storyline.Aslan, the big old lion was the greatest and coolest Lion i've known. Lion yang dalam cita Madagascar pun kalah lah!!! there was this scene when Aslan was killed and suddenly, he back alive!!! i swear to u, in my head, i thought he was gonna saw that cats have 9 lives!!!! but no. he bragged about the tombstone he was killed on and bla bla bla.... damn. anti climax betul.the beavers were cute too!!!! so cute. not to mention, Phillip the horse.

it's a great show afterall.anyway, i still haven watch Kingkong. promised Budiman to watch that but, i guess we're both busy. since this week is packed, maybe i'll ask him after that Zara sale saga.

argh

this is gonna be a long one.

it's saturday and christmas eve. i got an offday today cause alot are taking leave tomo.so i sacrificed and took leave today instead of tomo. turns out, no one is free to go out with me. hmmm anyway,the year of 2005. many things had happen this year. god had planned it to be a tough year for me. and i thanked Him too, for it cause without those hardship and crisis i had to face through, i got through. let me just blabber out how the year had been for me.

the good ones:
i managed through my 2nd year of school life through crawls and struggles. thanked god that i passed all my subjects and managed to excel better than expected for my ISDM. i passed my long awaited class2b in march with a nice 8 points, which i must say, it's a lucky number me and many other chinese. it was one of my long awaited resolutions to get that licence.i got myself the Kittywave, sold by Budiman. and still happily riding it til now. i've travelled quite a bit to M'sia this year. i think it's 3times for KL and another to Mersing. i think ah. my sister got married and i feel happy for her. i really do. my bro-in-law had been great to me and i appreciate all he had done for me. had a great experience over at Mediacorp for the radio course too.my birthday blast at Rouge was great. most of the people i loved turned up, including representatives of the MNGs.

the bad ones:
finances started to come down really bad. it's not about the economy. it's just about my family.took up alot of responsibilities in the household now. which means, i had to pay most bills and stuff. i couldnt possibly save everytime i get paid by the tuitions cause eventually, the money goes to bills.school started with shocks of project bombardation.til now, i'm behind time for both projects. my best fren lost his dad through an accident. that was a shocker. raya 2005 was a sad one. it was sad and horrible for me. no point talking abt it now.it will just bring tears to my eyes. went thru a break-up. something that probably better not be talk about. MNGs got disected.no one seems to make a point to meet up for stuff eversince i left silently. found my old diaries yesterday and reminisce the times i missed during schooldays.especially the entry on 14january2001. the incident wherebyi lost my keys and found them again afew days ago, made me realise certain things. that, certain things are meant to be lost forever, while others are meant to be kept forever. in my case, i thought i've lost my keys forever,but since i found it, then maybe it's meant to be that i will keep it forever.

hopefuls for 2006:
firstly, i hope to at least get my projects done by end of february.so at least by then, i can start revising for my HRM and MSM.
i hope to get my class2a cause i hope to ride a better bike. i resign to fate that i wont be driving for a very long time.....
Howe is in Europe now. when he gets back, i'm hoping to get my first 2006 presents from him.i had asked him to get me my usual Citymugs from every city he will be visiting.
i hope 2006 will be a better year for my singly life. as much as i'm started to miss Budiman, i would like to lead a happier life now being alone. making more new friends are one other thing that i hope for too.i hope 2006, will be a better year for budiman too. i hope he will move on and do his predicted travelling plans.
i hope by mid 2006, i have a clear mind on wat i actually would like to achieve in life.
i hope my trip to India will be fulfil.i still do not have the frens to go with, but i'm sure i'll work something out.
i hope hafidz will stop bugging me and move on with his life.
i hope 2006 will be a much better year for my family. it's about time we all act as one.
lastly, i will miss this blog. i hope 2006 will have better memories.

dum-dum-dum

doo-dum-dum-doo..

it was amazing to know that i actually opened the shop at 11am just now. hehe.... pretty slow and stuff, but time flew by fast.got out of there at 6pm and went windown shopping with my colleague at Tamp mall.... gosh!!!! when i said retail therapy, i really got retail therapy. a few days ago, i lost my earrings due to wearing my helmet carelessly dropped them. so i got 2 new pairs from my ever-fav Perlinis. yippe. got a new pair of Havaianas flops. yippe. got my sis that pants she wanted from Fox, since it's already on sale. was pretty budget on things,of cos. my KL and Zara trips will cost,u know!

Pick up Isk from school. we both decided to make 23Dec'05 a historical event. hehe... it's the first time i let him be my pillon on my Kittywave. i know he was pretty worried along the way, but hey, i'm a great rider, so i assured him that it will be safe.reached JE safely and met the nice guys and girls for the KL trip. talked and discuss the agenda for the trip. sounds like i'm gonna have fun with them.hehe...obviously, just now was the first time they met me and vice versa. wait til i get my jokes and tails out,guys.ehehhe.. u might wished u didnt asked me to tag along. hehe...

reached home pretty early. 12.15am.hmmm not bad,Fiddy. that's an improvement.

OH BY THE WAY! i found my house keys. sigh... such a relief to find out that it fell out of my bag at the shop. thanked god.

sweetie pie

my sweetie pie

my sweetie pie is at home!!! yes, Ryan Kamal has been staying over for the past few days and still am now. he's been away from us for far too long. so when he came over a few days ago, he stepped into the house and ran to my mummy."Nenek, i missed u. Why daddy never bring me here?" i wished i could tell him the reason, but he's still a child. sigh... he got skinny i think. but other than that, nothin has change. still as adorable and mischievious as ever. i wish he will never grow up.

nowadays, i feel bad for returning home late. cause my routine is such that i wake up at 12 plus,get ready for class and leave within an hour from waking up. i dont really get to spend time with him. infact, i get home home pretty late and he will be asleep by then. awww... can u believe that boy is in K2 in 2006? no no no.... it's too fast!!! must he grow up?

anyway, work has been fine lately. the shortage of manpower was a breeze due to the rainy weather these days. for later on, will be doing the morning shift.. argh... me wake up at 10am?reach tamp by 11am? OMG. This is really a test. reason why i gotta do the morning shift is because i gotta get the night off to meet the "rombongan" at JE. some sort of meeting i think. but anyway, i gotta get some time off too. been overwork i think. i'm having a slight fever as of now cause been caught in the rain for the past 2 days. yea, i do wear the raincoat, but sometimes, ur body needs to rest too.

now i'm thinking of next week's schedule. tues,wed got night class.friday, i gotta rest before the trip. so i'm left with mon and thurs to werk.hmmm... but then again, i do need the extra time to do my ISP and SEP. sigh.... think think think.

life

life in a square box with the Kittywave

the day was actually fun. but it ended with sadness. i lost my bunch of house keys. if some of u had seen it (the one with the Quiksilver key chain), pls return it to me. but chances are, u guys probably wont bother to take it seriously. but for me, losing that specifc bunch of keys means A LOT. it doesnt only consist of my house keys and the mail box key, but it also hold the key to my heart. there's this key where it really opens up my heart.no joke about it.

went back tracking at ard 2.30am in woodlands of where it could possibly be. but no luck. sigh....argh... the worst part was that, i got so serious in looking for it, i accidentally drop my Kitty. argh... how stupid am i? should have put on the side-stand before i got off. but no worries about him. he looks great. in fact, i just serviced him a day ago. gave him a great shower after that and told him to look forward to Chinese New Year whereby, i'll be getting him the rims he needs. people, dun make me sound like a crazy person who talks to a bike. but i take most of my assets seriously and takes care of them.

argh... anyway, werk was groggy for me cause the night before i didnt get enough sleep. stayed up til like 7am thinking about this great mistake i made. well ok, it's not a mistake actually. to my fren who suffered through out the night with me, thank u. now i know who are my frens.

anyway, christmas is around the corner and yes, i'll be working throughout the weekend. the KL trip decided to look like a high-end holiday whereby, i do need the extra cash to spend. so yea, i'm getting workaholic over this trip now. in fact, i thought maybe after Tampines end, i would just relax and finish up all my chapters for my project before i leave. but no. When Tampines end, i requested for a transfer to Bedok for next week.sigh. at least the extra cash can take me far. it's ok if i get tired or cramped-up for time to do my project. what matters is, i got them balance.... I THINK. My apologies to all the frens who've asked me out on NYE.sorry dudes and dudettes, i decided to be fair and not give anyone a chance for that event in Spore. in fact, be happy for me cause i'm embarking the first step to finally come out of my shell and meet new peeps just before the year ends.

by the way, i just have to add something. Sometimes, what your frens thinks or says, may not be that relevant at all. I bet u must have talked to someone and decided to come front with their thoughts( not yours) like a week after the incident. it's obvious to me, yet so oblivious to u.

hmm

hmmm......

the itenary for the KL trip seems tight. almost felt like i'm going with Smailing Tours or some other tour agency. u know... like rombongan? hehehe.... got it thru the email by this guy name Salamat. i guess i'm probably going with a bunch of nice and fun people from the looks of the itenary. Nouvo.... hmmm.. been there the last time i was in KL. i guess another round of mat Tunnel again for me.THERE IS NO WAY I'M WAKING UP EARLIER THAN 8 AM. i mean, it's a holiday right? peopl relax on holidays??? heheh.... here's a pic of what the so-called organizer (i think) came up with. by the way, i do not go by Fidi Fido. it's Fiddy Cents. heheh.... nak step glamour aje, Fiddy.

mungkin

mungkin nanti aje ah....

me at my sis new place right now. cant really sleep. looks like my sleeping timings are all whacked up.anyway, after tamp, i headed home to get my stuff for a sleepover at her place. met hafidz at the car park as he was parking his bike.chatted for a while and just chilled at levelA1 ,reminiscing on the JI years. now, cant sleep. dunno if i can wake up early for servicing later. but then again, Ady is not back yet and he sleeps like a pig. tt's worst.

isk is back from dunno where. shaipul, as we all know him as. i think i'm getting the hang of calling him isk. Telling an Isk about another Is. he enlighten me abit about the upcoming KL trip. i told him, i do not wish to club, but he kinda said that the rest wants to. well ok. but he added that the rest wanna go for PeterPan's concert in KL. WHAT?!!? i'm not a big fan cause i only know one or two songs by them. but hey, i go with the flow.looks like i gotta bring my dancing shoes. hanged them up eversince Rouge.hmm... i've planned to just bring my Dreadful Embarassment and Bundle to the trip. u know, travel light.hope it's enough to bring an extra foldable bag for my shopping spree, cos Ady wans a pair of shoes and Is wants his Mudman. of cos, everything is from the ever-famous PS. hehehe....

tuesday is a day off for me. but to me, it's a day where i spend the whole day in school. argh.... need to finish my literature review!!!! budiman offered to help to read my articles. heee.... i know what u're thinking, AZZA! it's impossible.it's not his ability i'm doubtful of. it's the facts that i worry he might not understand on the sections i'm doing my thesis on.it's a great gesture, but no. i'll do my 30 articles on my own. u just sit back and enjoy reading my thesis when everything is done. heheh....

anyway, planning to get something for him before i go for my trip. hmmm.... i wonder what?

hmmm

prozac does wonders.

one thing about me when i'm sad and down, i do alot of cleaning. like this morning, i cleaned my room. woke up super early to go pasar with mum and reached home at ard 11.30. so u imagine wat time i woke up? anyway, as i was cleaning my desk, i found the 2006 book planner that SIM had given me. i remembered i told Rafiq that this time, i'm gonna make sure i'm gonna use to plan my life. sigh.. saddly, even before the year start, i cant think of plans. hehe.. gave the planner to daddy cos he likes to plan and keep track of his life. it's a nice planner this time round. the cover is really pretty. glad he like it. in fact he actually commented on something.

"ida tak nak pakai?"
"Tak ah. besar sangat ah nak bawak gie sekolah."
"Alah, ida malas nak tulis sebenarnya. Start organizing your life lah. dah nak graduate nie. your schedule kena in track tau. kalau tidak, nanti semua kecoh."

yes, my dad talks like that.he tends to mix malay and english words to accomodate me with my poor malay.truthfully, it had become an issue for me. i would spend hours arguing with Is regarding my poor malay language. i believe i am right to say this: Even though my malay language is that poor, it doesnt make any least difference of me being a Malay/Muslim. i am still what i'm made of. Language doesnt become a barrier between me and my beliefs. i may speak poor malay, but at least i made an effort to improve on it.

anyway, ladies and gentlemen, Fiddy still have difficulty in understanding kanan and kiri. hee... maybe it shall stay in my 2006 resolutions.

anyway,as for me, i think i'll go down to Muji to get the re-fills for my little organizer that i've been using since jan 2005. it's really all messed up now on the outside, but inside, it's pretty cool. i realised that my life was organize from jan-sept. after that, my organizer was left dust-ed. hope to fully utilised it in 2006.here's one of my fav pics i have in my organizer. without this pic, i think i will forget about this boy. love this boy til the end.haven seen him lately though. sigh... i want my Ryan Kamal back!!!! he's my nephew by the way.

fallen

frens, fiddy has fallen hard.

i fell hard.

i fell really hard. maybe perhaps on my knees now.

it's times like this, i wish i knew how to pick up the pieces.

but i don't.

i need u-know-what right now.still have them stashed away in the medicine cupboard some where.

my 2nd

this is the 2nd entry of the hour. why? cause there are more things i wanna update. like the pics below.

anyway,i was right to say that 2005 was definitely not a year for me. i'm really hoping 2006 will be much better. better in school-life, work, financial wise and maybe my love life. i made the right decision to leave for that KL trip end of this month. it's about time, i just do sometime i wan. like travel. even though it's just KL, but i think it would be quite an experience for me as i'm going with 16 other strangers, including Shaipul and syuhada.but of cos la, they are frens,duh. maybe such a kick-off of 2006 will do me good. i need a break too. after so many months of projects,assignments and work, it's about time i take a short break.

it's not that i do not want to celebrate my new year's eve with him. it's just that i need a break from everything. maybe i hope, it will be a break for him too. i'm never worth of any effort he makes. i'm serious not worth it.

arghh.... i so need a life.

anyway, here's a latest song in my head.

Let there be love - Oasis

Who kicked a hole in the sky so the heavens would cry over me?
Who stole the soul from the sun in a world come undone at the seams?
Let there be love - Let there be love
I hope the weather is calm as you sail up your heavenly stream
Suspended clear in the sky are the words that we sing in our dreams
Let there be love - Let there be love - Let there be love - Let there be love

Come on baby blue
Shake up your tired eyes
The world is waiting for you
May all your dreaming fill the empty sky

But if it makes you happy
Keep on clapping
Just remember I'll be by your side
And if you only go, it's gonna pass you by

if u were mine.

been quite a week for me. in fact, i think my sunday will be the worst workday for me.but we'll see,aight? i thot maybe, i would be at Tamp full-time, but there were days i moaned when i have to be at Jurong. argh. yesterday, i was suppose to be at Jurong. then last minute i got called back to Tamp. i was thrilled,actually. cause i can maybe get an impromtu meet-up with him.yea, we did meet-up. but somehow, it feels that maybe i should have just stayed in Jurong. it feels like, my real intention of working at Tamp is not worth it. i thot since i've been busy with werk and school, working at Tamp will allow us to meet more often. but now it feels that, no point in making such gestures.

i've said this before that it seems that my blog had turned its back on me. well looks like, there isnt much of a point for me to blog my daily stuff or any honest feelings. yea, i know it's a WWW thingy. duh! what i meant is that, things that i say or blog in here, will eventually be taken as an attack-point for me. need examples? sure.

1. "Super4 is faster,wat."
2. "Cause i saw your blog entry at 4am plus."
3. "my type of bike doesnt need a shower."

sigh. i thot maybe we could have given it another try. then i think, i've realised the missing part. i think it's the way he talks to me. it's not rude or vulgarly. it's just that, i think i've brushed off too much of my sarcastic ways on him. it's just the tone and the way. i can see the obvious way on how he talks to his frens and the way he talks to me. i just don't know anyway.

i may be thinking of the past and not give him tt chance he wants. but it is from the past that we learn. is it wrong for me to not take that chance again? the chance where i lie awake long nights thinking about the argument of the the night? the chance where i'm obliged to clear all my appointments with others for him? the chance that a possibilty of just that one night he said he'll be sleeping, but instead talking to someone else? the chance that i'm not a girlfriend, but a girl- friend?the chance that my physique appearance matters alot?

i'm tired. i really am. everyone in the group sees me as the evil one. the one who don't appreciate of love given to me. the one who makes use of him. the one who only cares about herself. i'm tired of that. i'm tired of u-know-who giving me dirty looks. i'm tired of u-know-who-'s-gf showing me a face as if i don't appreciate that Tiffany bracelet.i'm tired of people judging me for the way i am. i am just tired. is it so wrong of me being me? u can tell me to not care what the rest thinks. but i do because i thot they are frens. i care what frens thinks. but u know what?i think now is the time i leave the Mngs. Maybe its really time for me to just walk away from everything, just like Fairuz. i'm just tired.

hmmm...worth the offdays

ah... had 3 offdays in a row. wow.. monday til wednesday. it was worth it actually. on monday, i was attacked and felt weak whole day. so obviously i rested the whole day after lab session with Fiq. tuesday was great. Karaoke.... hehe.. been a long time since the Mngs karaoked.eheh... we sure sang our hearts out since the some of us had been stressed by work and school. it was almost an all night of malay-rock but we end of the session with some ballads by the english rockers. took some pics, but kept forgetting to upload them here. another time,aight?

wednesday was actually a tiring day for me. hehe.. the night before karaoke's tireness was still hanging over on wednesday. i actually stoned all the way in Hrm class. hahah... met up my sister at her place and just chilled there with our chinese soap dramas. eventually i fell asleep and woke up like around 930pm. hehe... met budiman at sembawang then and just chilled there for a while til the cops came by.that's my wednesday.

thursday was an impromtu day when i met Is for brunch before werk. didnt realised how much Bedok corner changed since the last i was there. went for werk at 6pm and werked,of cos. nothin much happen. my fav japanese customer didnt come by today. i think he thought i wont be coming back since the last i saw him was sunday. must have thot i dun work there anymore after not seeing me for 3 days. hehe... after werk, met Is at my place to go johor.boy, do i hate it when it's jammed pack. met Bob during the jam,sey! the last i saw him , he was riding a Super4. now he's riding Serat1000 (dunno if this is the right spelling.) but of cos, he fit to ride that bike cause of his size. went to pump Is' bike, get cigg and give his wife a great bike-wash. kilat,la!! i know, i shouldnt have left my fingerprints.hehe...

one thing, i know this entry might hurt someone's feelings. but like i said before to him, i will blog my day in here so he'll know how my day went. and it's all truth. and it's also true when i say that it's just a platonic friendship i have with Is. you wanna get jealous, then go. i have nothing to hide. at least i'm saying the truth unlike telling the otherwise of the caller on the handphone.

goodmorning. in a few hours time, it's time for my bike to get the great service.poor Kitty. he sounded funny these days. should have taken care of him.

just fiddy cent

i've been posted to tampines for the next 15 days.before this, i was at Jurong point and i was so glad that the distance was not as killing as to Tampines. argh.. should have requested to stay at jurong. but if i stay at jurong, i wont be able to see him often.

so anyway, work today was kinda tiring cause i had to rush from school to tampines. imagine me on my Kittywave from Clementi all the way to Tampines. woah. the way back home to woodlands made no difference in the distance. and that's for the next 2 weeks. well of cos, not full 2 weeks la! i got day off also la!hee... oh yeah, was gonna talk abt just now. anyway, my fuel tank was like 3 bar on the scale at Tampines. but by the time i reached woodlands, my last bad started blinking. so of cos, i stopped by the nearest petrol station to my house. with Lovehunters on my ipod, i was happily pumping my $4.98 (yea,i have a small tank) tank.went to the counter and met Jane (the lovely counter lady who always smiles and have small talk with me everytime i come by.). as i was talking to Jane, saw 2 similar R1 bikes stopping in front with their chicks (minahs,duh). as the minah-chicks went to the ladies, i exit the main door and walked to my bikes.

"Steady ah.. girl-rider ah....."
"whheeeee -weet!"

I mean, WHAT THE F*CK!!!!?Your girl just went to the ladies and u whistle at another girl?????? what kind of society are u dumb-witted lived in?!

Obviously,i didnt like the attention.seriously, i dun. i dun give a damn to anyone who thinks it's big hoo-ha for a girl to ride.it's a society where we dun judge girls for their abilities. in fact, i've seen more girls who dares to ride bigger bikes and just beat the normality. try to imagine if this is a woman dominated world. do u think it will be weird for us women to see a male rider? think about it. By the way, i'm no feminist. it was just an example. duh.

_______________________________

Have u all seen the new 2005 CLEO girl? she is so sweettttttt.... i think her name is Stephanie or something.sigh.... eversince i started reading cleo like 4-5 years ago, i always wanted to be a Cleo girl. really. i know it's a shameless to say it here cause of my looks, but it's just something i love to think about.i kept saying it to myself that maaaayyyybeeeee i can at least tone down abit , put on some make-up and walk more often with heels, i would look OK. but u know what? i cant really do that. i have like big bones and broad shoulders, consisting of fats too. yea, i know i'm quite tall. but tall doesnt mean lean/thin.

oh well, just wanna share with u peeps that i always wanted to be a Cleo Girl. hee... dream on,fiddy.

_____________________________

i know i don't love to talk about marriage and stuff. but hey, i'm a girl. i would love to have that perfect wedding and have kids eventually. i know my time is no where near (duh!i'm single), but it wont kill if i were to start thinking about my perfect wedding. hehehe... so anyway, i love simplicity and it's best i keep it that way. i wont go for heavy-weight-lifting weddings like my 2nd and 3rd sis. i just wan simplicity.

and guess what i found on the net on the search-for-simplicity? these pretty shoes!!! dont u think they are like the most perfect and simplest pair of shoes ever? well, to me they are. (if they are not to u, do i look like i care?) I would so love to wear one of these pairs on my wedding. it's so sweet... especially the Kate Spade's pair. my gawd.. i'm so in love with this. i wonder if i were to come down to New Yoke, Kate would customized my shoe size for these. cause obviously,i have broad feet, so i would need the shoes to fit me perfectly. sigh... PERFECT....



Vera Wang - 5404



Kate Spade - Nuptial

bored at 3am

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

My OC

have i ever mention, i've stopped watching the black box months ago? so how do i pass time at home? online tv. and now i'll be talking about The OC. yes, the one and only series that got me hooked, season after season. Yes, it will never beat Lost. My no. 1 show would be The oc and Lost comes next.

the latest episode of The Oc kinda brought me to tears. i know, every dramatic episode brings me to tears. but this one if different i suppose. it's about how the gang had to choose college. they are in their final year in high school thisyear, so obviously, college comes next. one thing, we know Seth and Summer aint gonna be separated even by Taylor. Seth will be joining Brown and Summer will be joining Providence, 20mins away from Brown. aINT THAT sweet!?!?! i mean, i would die for a gf who gives up her needs of going to her fav college just to be with her man. like HALLO! It is Seth Cohen. I guess summer is pretty much like me. we both cant stay long distance relationship.

On the other side,Marissa is actually contemplating on going to college with everything that she had gone thru, esp with the dysfunctional parents and the shooting. But you know what? in the end, Marissa will be going to Berkeley with Ryan. AWWW........ Now, who can beat that? going to the same college as your man. I just love Ryan and Marissa. Can i get one Ryan to go,please?

now i wonder if there will be another season after this.cause this season shows how they are planning for college. next season? the gang is going opposite directions! sigh... how i wish they stay forever in High school. ehhehe... oh well, i hope Josh Schwatz comes up with something for the next season.

as for LOST 209, i haven watch. keeping it for a time to watch when i'm really really free. cause the following episode *210* will only be shown in January '06. u see the long break? damn. i so-do not want to keep guessing the next episode after i watch 209. it's too long!!!!

___________________

well, wat do u know.... i got a date for Zoukout this weekend. haha.. it feels weird to be asked out eversince singlehood steps in. a date, cause it seems that this fren of mine is the only single guy in his clan, so he's thinking of asking me along. it's not like he likes me or anything. he just needed a girl partner for the night.

but...... erm.... it's weekend. so many reasons for me not to go. firstly, i'm not into soap. as in, i wouldnt want to be caught wearing skimpys with soap. i look-so-fat. and imagine how sticky and smelly the people will be there. secondly, should i give up that $40 i'm paid for 5hour-job at my sis for Zoukout? hmmmm.... $40 may be miser for some of u, but hey, if there's money to be earn, i sure like to be there.

besides,today is my off-day and i'm already feeling itchy for not werking today. arghh...

by the way, i'm down with a flu and fever. if anyone wanna send me flowers, chocolates or gifts, please attention it to Fiddy Cents and just leave it at my doorstep. dont have to ring the bell. heheheh.... see ya!

my hobby

u know when u get into IRC or some chat lines (I'm done and over with that. Just trying to make a point here), the stranger u just begin talking to, would ask one really simple and most-obvious question. which is:"So, wat's your hobby?"

the main reason why i remembered this is because, it occurred to me, on what is really my hobby? i kept thinking about it. my thoughts came out to be: Blogging, talking to frens on msn, interest in off-road trails, work and shopping online. damn. none of this is actually a real hobby. now u know how shallow i can be. anyway, then it struck me that i used to have this great hobby of photography. i do. seriously. it wasn't a hobby at first. i remembered when i was young, my dad used to influence me on cameras. he used to have this Nikon FG 1982,i think. if u get to see my childhood photos, u'll understand how cool and awesome that camera is. maybe can ask Tubby to scan them for me.

then as i grew older, my dad got workaholic and just put his camera aside. of cos, i didnt get to touch that camera cause it was a family asset during those days.i think my dad could probably be a photographer if he had kept his passion.

oh yea, digressing. anyway, when i used to have that ol-school camera, u know the one that-runs-on-films, i used to take a lot of no-people photographs. of cos, mum always scold me for wasting money. then my sister got me my first digital camera, everything changes. all sorts of pictures on all sorts of things. u get what i mean. then an old flame taught me on Lomography. ahhh... this is the one. eversince then, i got hooked to lomo. as ol-school it maybe, i think it's a great hobby. i got hooked on taking pictures with my Supersampler,Actionsampler,Smena and the last i bought 2 years ago, the Pop9.

i think now, i wanna take out my cameras again from that dusty cupboards.start back again my time-consuming so-called hobby. in fact, i think i will get that Holga i always wanted 2-3 years back. realised that there's this Holga Fisheye. arghh..i am so lost-dated with lomo.

James,u're mine.

i had to blog this now. i was listening to 987FM and my in-thing song was being played. it turns out, it's gonna be a hit single very soon. wait a minute. it became a hit single for before you guys play it. now i wonder, why doesnt it take so long for a radio station to play an upcoming hit? as in, why cant you guys just play it the moment u heard the album?hee.... i know i'm just too demanding to being a listener.
i love this song from James Blunt. it has no meaning or watsoever.love it the moment i heard it from his album. in fact i think that was like more than a month ago. it's such a great song. it's just the piano and james. awwww.. james, will u be mine and sing to me all day?


Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.


Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

my long distance call

when i was in Aberdeen a few years back, i lived with my aunt and uncle in this little town. their neighbourhood were lightly populated and most of the people living that area are either Singaporeans, Brunei-ans and just normal Scottish people. even though my stay was not long, everyone in teh neighbourhood were hospitable.really. no kidding. it was then, i classified people living in scotland, the friendliest people in the world. (Unlike u-know-who in Heathrow). Anyway, when i was there, i met and old-old-old fren. A gal by the name of Fefee. ahahah.. okok... Faeza. We called her Fefee back then cause of some reasons. And yea, of all the places to meet her, in Aberdeen. ahahh... we used to skate in our younger days, til a time when i heard her dad got a job somewhere, i couldnt remember.

so when i met Fefee at Aberdeen, we got close over the 2 weeks i was there. The best memory of me being there, was the fact that we both karaoke-d at her place. Being a typical Malay/Muslim family, her parents are really not-losing their traditions and customs.yes, karaoke.... hahah... actually i forgot the part that we sang our hearts out that time, until i got this weird call yesterday.

i was busy at werk, so i didnt realised that i was suppose to receive a long-distance call. then realised, after work, i got a message at my voice mail-box. it goes something like this:

"Oi!!! Fiddy! On you phone la! I call from so far!Bloody hell.Call me when u can! Anyway, remember this? (Starts singing awfully)Lautan api..... sudahpun ku renangi...ku ukirkan namamu.. di hati...Shit i forgot the lines!!! Bye!"
HAHAHAHA....now i remember why u left Singapore.hahaha..iN FACT, u dont sound like u got the accent their. U still sound like a MINAH!

Anyway, we're still frens and we do keep in touch in MSN,emails and i think there was a time, IRC.its been so many years since we met. now she's in Edinburgh doing her degree at St Andrews (yes! the one Prince Williams was at). I remembered one email she sent me hysterically that she actually talked to him. My reply was just one word. GROUPIE!!!

So girl, this blog entry is for u. in fact, i've found the lyrics. u better start practicing til the next decade when i visit u.hehehe...

Ku terpaut sejak pertemuan itu
Hatiku berkata ingin mengenali mu
Setiap malam wajahmu terbayang
Disaksikan sinaran bulan

Titisan hujan bagaikan harapanku
Tinggi langit tak mungkinkan tercapai
Tinggi gunung jadi penghalang
Hasratku oh sayang

Lautan api
Sudah pun kurenangi
Kuukirkan namamu

Di hati yang jadi pujaanku

Gerbang kebahagian terpancar indah
Tapi hanya dengan sekelip mata
Sekeping hati yang sudah berpunya
Pergi dan takan kembali

werk,werk,werk

nothin like a whole night of queing customer and endless of questions made by endless of people. as only some of u know, i'm just doing part-time at "pasar malam". a shop selling Ramly Burger owned by my sister and brother. it's not like an ideal job as many of u would think, but it comes with many benefits. 1, it's business. i actually learn how to run one from my sister. 2, i get to slack alot cause i'm the baby sister. hee.. but of cos not all the time.i do work hard. 3, my pay in the past got me my Kittywave. now ,i'm saving for Ferris (wanna name my future bike Ferris,after Save Ferris).

many of my frens, especially school mates, kinda shocked when they happen to become my customer when they saw me. stereotypically, of cos they wonder why i'm actually working in this environment. For 1 thing, who says being an undergrauate can be fussy about jobs. at least this jobs feeds me and clothe me to school. in fact,it the working hours does not affect my classes. that's the important point about me i guess. eversince my parents stopped my allowance eversince i got into UOL, i had to become independent on my finance.i did alot of part-time jobs, including relief teaching and tuition. it was never enough cause of my school fees. but i got along well after a couple of years. now u should know why i go crtazy at Zara and MNG sales. hee...

argh... got class later. MSM. gonna have to sit alone i think. cause shaipul said he got something on. hmm.. there goes our crapping session. i dont know why, but it seems that, he's probably the only one that is close to me now. he will tell me his current problem and i'll listen. then, vice versa. i guess i was right that Scorpios and Cancers make perfect friendship. now he's trying to prove me wrong that same signs DO get along well. hmmm.. good luck to u, dude.

since we're talking about signs, here's today's prediction for me, by Friendster.

Admit it: You've got a tendency to hold things in when you ought to just let 'em out and let the chips fall where they may. Spilling the beans now is endorsed by the stars, and the feeling of relief you'll get is a reward in and of itself. As for what happens afterward, you'll need to relinquish your desire to control that too. Whatever will be, will be, and you'll handle it much more gracefully if you let it be.

crumpled by crumpler

there was a time when i got crazed by the gadget era. ooo... wanna get that ipod, that wireless adapter, that rfid gadget and the list goes on. now, i got crazed by crumpler bags. i know it's over-rated to have a crumpler. but don't u know that the crumpler kids uses these days are the same kind only different colors? ewwww... it's so progandic!anyway, the crumpler bags i eyed for are like the ones ppl hardly uses. for one,it's because they won't spend alot of money for just a sling bag. i,on the other hand, saves money for it.so it seems more worth it to own a small bag for like $35. hee...

i already got an Aggot and a Bundle(L). now i'm trying to make up my mind on getting The Considerable Embarassment or maybe the Dreadful Embarassment. which is better for my 15" notebook? the main reason why i wanna get another computer bag is because the current one is too bulky and it's so unsafe to sling it when i ride. dah la box motor kita kecik,tak muat tau!! kalau ade crumpler, style sikit kan?ehhehe...
i sound so materialistic. but hey, i think it's a good investment though.and it would match my personality too...hehhe