CNY

xing nian kuai le!!!

a few years ago, Bayu sewn me a pair of pants that was totally cool when the both of us wear the similar pants together. somehow or rather, i put away that pair of pants after we broke up cos i didnt wanna get it used-to or torn, as i wanted to keep it as a remembrance. then it suddenly dawn to me to start wearing it again! u know why? cos it's so-matching with my new FUCHSIA CROCS!!! Yes!! i finally got my crocs. courtesy of Kay who actually refused any payment. for those of u who do not know what color of Fuchsia, it's bright pink. yup. as "orbit" or gaudy as many of u think it would look on me, i don't care. it's pink and i love wearing Crocs. i used to think it's really awful, until i set my feet into Wan's Crocs in KL. it was freaking comfortable!!! so yes, my mum have yet to scream at me cos of the new addition of shoes/slippers/sandals to my whole lot of footwear. i think i said this before. i have more shoes than Carrie in Sex in the City, i think. hehe... but of cos, i love to put on my slippers. the haivainas or roxy ones.

i'm like so excited to wear my crocs everywhere.

i thot i had a lot of things to say, but kinda forgotten.

anyway, i used to have this ex-flame of mine. wait. hmm.. we were only "on" for like 2-3 months. but anyway, it didnt mean anything to me. still in touch with him, but somehow, these days, i wish not to know the fact that i know him.why? cos he turned into a really big bastard over the years. right now, i know his gf. well, not close, but she was a junior back in JI. she's sweet and stuff, but to know tt she is actually with him, kinda kills me. i'm not jealous. in fact, he is not even on my list for companion at all. the fact is, he used to lure another fren of my weeks ago. i know he is still with my junior. but why must he hit on my other fren, knowing himself that his gf really like him? the best thing is, i found out from my other fren, he drove her to this really secluded area thinking that he can have a "go" on her. my other fren freaked out of cos. then i wonder, how about his gf? sigh... i hate men like these. dah ade girl tu, buat lah hal ade girl. why must u still look for another venture on other girls? why cant u just stick to one? i remembered telling to someone that, if he wans to have a scandal or an affair or another, i would rather tt he leave me or break up with me. i just do not wish to get hurt just by knowing that he's screwing another girl behind me. tt is why i really hate to trust men. they just dun get it. right now, this fella is not even considered as a fren or an ex. i just dun wish to know him at all. why cant all men be sensitive about us,girls, feelings? how would they feel if the gf screw someone else behind their backs? argh. bastards.

as for me now, my doors are still locked. yesterday Kay said something that kinda pissed me off. it was actually something i've been trying to avoid. i think i got myself a "Mr Marine". hehe... anyway, i really like Kay as a fren. nothin more. he's been like a dear to me when i talked about my problems and stuff. sigh. yesterday, i replied his sms and said " Fiddy is been known for misleading others just being herself. Sometimes i think it's just wrong being myself. " i just hate it. i hate it when others get the wrong idea of myself. i'm not like flirting or trying to get close to someone for the wrong reasons. i'm just like that. why cant these ppl see it? i'm trying to live my life right now. i don't need another worry in the world. kay and i used to be so close, but after yesterday, i think he rocked our boat too hard.

anyway, looking forward for tomo's dinner with the gang. still wondering if Shaipul is going or not. argh. he and his family trips. sigh. i wish my family is like tt. anyway, hope to meet the gang tomo and have fun! it's been a long time since i'm out with a big group for seafood. Yok makan Seafood!!!

an angry person

an angry and hungry person

argh! that is all i can say here. i found out something regarding yesterday while i was at NYP. argh. boys are just boys,Fiddy... chill. but i cant!!!

i'm just too angry to even think about it.

anyway, NYP event has ended and it was eventful. sold out 450 burgers and we had to pack-up early since there's nothing to sell. even the hotdogs were sold out. hee... u guess i brought in the crowd? hee... it was a tiring day actually cos i was already at NYP at 845am and went straight to jurong point to work. i was too tired by 8pm so i went off and took a nap at my sis place. eventually, met Mat to wash bike together-gether. my Kitty is pretty squeeky clean now.

reached home, talked to Kay who got all so emo out of sudden.me,being me, just had to put the guy down out of his own good.hee... i hate to be the one leading another. i just so-do not need the attention now.

i need some candy now.... i feel all so awful of anger now.

he smsed me again this morning. (",)

life

Life

I just have to blog this before i sleep. u know, these past few days has been a turmoil. a good fren still in the hospice. another person (former JIan, whom i never knew yet i care) died in an accident. tt's life for u. unpredictable. life and death are like karma to me. in the icy-ness and hard-headed of Fiddy, i do reflect and think. i took extra care of myself when i'm the road. i wish my parents all the health i can pray for. in fact, given the choice, i would like them to have my health.

but that's destined. everything is. fate is. but u know what really makes me smile? a sight of a newborn baby. a sight of a 2-year-old kid smiling cheekily. a sight of that boy i loved, Ryan, calling me Auntie Idah from his eleventh floor house upon seeing me walking out of my car. truthfully, i dislike certain kids. cos these are the kids who make their mummy and daddy angry. but u know what i really want to have? a kid of my own. really. never thot i would say this, but yea, i wanna be a mummy. i don't care how mischevious or naughty my kid be. in fact, i bet, he (i'm so hoping for a boy) would turn out to be as rebel as me. but i don't care. i want life. that's life.

but like duh, i'm so conventional and ol' school. gotta get a bf first, get married and then have a kid. dont ask when it will be. it wont be anytime soon,like duh. but one thing i can assure u is that, it will happen. hee...

damn. i think it's my fren's wedding invitation card that triggered these thoughts. i got it thru post today. argh 12th feb. any nice dudes to be my partner? oh wait. all nice dudes are taken.

Candy-Floss!!!

one of my candies got promoted to a candy floss! i so-love candy floss.....!!!! hehe. been a dear to me these days. giving me wake-up calls. actually called me on time this morning as i had to be at NYP food fair by 9am. in fact, i woke up ,enjoy my morning coffee and reached NYP at 850am. hehe. yippe. work was tough though today. short of ppl and alot of burger-ers. tapi takpe. at least we're making money.

ooo.. look at wat my Friendster's Horoscope for today!

The Bottom Line
Taking a risk will be the best way to leap over the obstacles in your way right now.
In Detail
Romance, extravagance, and nothing but the best -- especially when it comes to seducing a certain someone like they've never been seduced before. That's your mission, and no one needs to ask you if you're willing to accept it. You've been carrying on this behind-the-scenes infatuation for far too long, anyway. It's time to get this show on the road.


it's been so long ago since i updated about my projects. sigh. one word. stagnant. i totally ignored my ISP for the last one month. i so-have to start again very soon.

my mum been really driving me nuts.seriously, i love her alot, but it's some of her ways that really make me feel like i'm the only lifeline in this family. which is so-not true,mum!!! i cant believe on what she said to me about the house. seriously, i do not wan to get involve. i know how HDB works. i'm not an un-educated student who would simply say yes to everything. this is wat i always wanted to say to her.
"I would definitely want to get married in times to come. i would like to have my own family. most of all, i would like to start fresh and buy a new house,mum. so if u think i wanna start paying for this present house once i start working, then i'm sorry. i so-do not agree. it's either this house goes, or i go. i'm sick and tired of hearing your problems when u never even bother to hear mine. u never even asked if i have any problems at school. u never even asked why am i working so hard to handle 2 jobs. u scold me for no good reasons and questions on my late-nights. i work til late nights cos i need the extra income to cover my bills, my debts to my 2 angels and to pay for this house utilities. lastly, i just have to say this to u. u've always treated me like i'm never as good as my sisters. but have u ever wondered why they are so distanced to u,except me? have they ever helped out with this household eversince they got married (except my 3rd sis?)? have they even bothered to willingly help me when we're in distress? argh. "


But of cos, i would never say these to her. i love my mum. i cant bear to hurt her feelings. in fact, she means everything to me. no one can compare a mother's love. sigh.. it's just plain luck that i'm stuck here.

hp

I finally uploaded the pics from my handphone that's for the blog. hehe.. here are some of my favorited for the past 2 weeks. But first, remember the cat Rudolph? I work til late hours and will reach my carpark by 1am or 2am each night. for the past few weeks, i've been playing and manja-ing this cat. he's really cute. i finally took a picture of him last night. so anyway, the story goes like this. i've been playing with him every night til one night, i decided to play a good person and give his owner a call.Rudolph wears an adress and tel tag around him. so i called the person.

Me: Hello. i Found your cat mear my place here. u wanna come and get him home?
The other person: Oh, rudolph isit?
Me: Yea.
The other person: Oh don't worry. Rudolph knows how to get home. he's taking a walk now.
Me: Oh, ok...... (feeling doubtful)

so there, rudolph actually take night walks til late morning. hmm... smart cat eh? but if i were being myself, i would take the cat home. he's really cute u know... esp his furry tail!!!!





















The shoes Kay made me excited about but i couldnt fit it! damn!

The scene at Plaza Singapura MacD at 0646am.

Me at Plaza Sing Carpark.Shock by the empty lots available. U know how hard it is to get a lot during other days at other time?

Me in my fav pic of posing with my fav cap!It's new,ok!

Candy!!!

Candy!!!

for the past 2-3 days, i was really busy. handling 2 jobs nows. and of cos, my school work would be considered a 3rd job. it's stressful, but i really need to tide over the financial costs. esp since i have to return some debts due to the exams fees.

the weekend was tiring. met kay and mat during one of the days. i met kay frens and boy, do they made me realise on how i miss my childhood. it's all about boys talking about toys. i shall not indulge in that cos to me, i'm not a big toy-person. but the explanation on FMX blew me away. like totally. in fact, now i'm doing my homework on that so that during the next meet-up i would be able to join the talks. hee.. met Mat on the saturday night after work. it was supposedly just the 2 of us cos i wanted to basically talk about programming (great excuse,right?). but being my bro-in-law as a bro-in-law, he jus had to crash thru that thought by joining us at Boon Lay. so yes, my sis and bro-inlaw ended joined us for Nasi Lemak.They were just concern about who i mingle with. they haven meet shaipul yet,though. hee.... Hope Mat didnt mind. cos i feel bad if any of my frens had to sit thru with my sis and bro in conversations that may not be related to them. but it all went well. and syu, it's not wat u think! hmmm...

my sunday at werk went boring. werk as usual. in fact, i think i feel asleep at one time. hee...however, the sunday ended with some issues involving frens in love. i feel bad. i really do. but i shall just do what i do best. be oblivious to everything. sendiri punya masalah tak terselesai,nak selesaikan org punya pulak! whatever it is, i will still be that fren everyone needs.

he smsed me. sigh.... u can imagine how my heart pound when i received it.

last on the agenda. 2 sms came to me today that was alil' too weird. it so-proves that i'm that lonely person tt people think i am.

(1) Cindy:Hey Irni. How are u? So u got a date for Mimi's Wedding next month? can i hook u up with one of Pete's frens from work?He's cute.
Me: erm... i'm not that superficial. and since when i have a hard time getting a date? hmph! (heee...)

(2) Ashraf:Fiddy,i heard what happen. u ok? if u want,next *%$#* meeting,i'll introduce u to a fren of mine.
Fiddy: I've closed the doors.but u can always let yr fren try to open them with the right key.
Ashraf:one problem. i dun think he can. he's in the logistics line, not a locksmith.

ok. so i have frens who actually care. but seriously. let me take my time for this type of thing,yea? Kay has been a dear to not provoke this issue cos i made it clear to him tt i've closed the doors til i get my things together. And Kay, stop thinking that u're in the competition with my other candy. i'm not a prize. i'm a Fiddy. Fiddy picks. Fiddy would open the door when sincerity comes.Fiddy dances to one who touch the hand,not the heart. Fiddy listens to the one who loves Fiddy being Fiddy. Fiddy slams door to one who try to change Fiddy. Lastly, Fiddy jumps to the one who bring Fiddy happiness.

nice

Left in a square corner

i managed to get leave tonight. cos i need the rest for my nose to be cured permanently. but knowing me, being me, i'm in school right now. it's 7.40pm. the rest has left cos of other commitment. it made me wonder why i bothered to take leave tonight. anyway, here i am, in room 4 of 3.07 discussion room. no discussion as of now cause i'm all alone. duh. but it's ok. i'll just do what is needed to be done for my SEP. i know it practically beats the purpose of getting the night off to rest. but i cant rest. i cant stay home for long.i just cant.so yes, i've turned to projectoholic. if there is such a word,lah.

it's a square corner,by the way.

no specific agenda tonight. just plain tea-break time for me to take my eyes off the programming. i was scaring Hafidz Jo (who currently in 1st year of my course) on the pros and cons of our course. i guess he's ok with it.

contemplating to go or not to go to Tampines. hmm.. supposedly meeting Kay. but i wish my reason of going to tampines is to meet someone else. but of cos, eversince that someone else have decided to leave me alone and not talk to me, i rest my case. as much as i miss him, i just cant seem to bring myself to meet him. yes, i have everything going on fine for me now. but sometimes u just need that very-someone to listen to your woes. i lost that someone. sigh. when i was young and naive, i used to think that when i lost a love one, i would get another one to replace. did that once to someone. kinda hated myself cos i hurt him alot thru out the relationship. it ended quite nasty. so here i am, thinking of that someone else in Tampines. i just have to say that i wont be opening another door for a new person to replace him yet. i just hate myself for it. i hate it when i hurt someone. in fact, this whole event made me hate myself.

yes, i have my candies. but it's never the same. it's not that i didnt try. it's just that i cant try. maybe not now. now when i'm still in the healing mode. shaipul has been helpful in times to help get along this period. but knowing me being me, i would pretend i'm ok cos i dun need him to worry abt me cos shaipul has his own problems. i guess i'm just too selfish of myself. maybe i took the wrong path of healing. i always think that i dont need anyone to help me. but i do,really. i guess i'm the type of person who believes in sincerity in another person to prove me wrong.

gawd.i'm so gonna end up living in a house with 9 cats by the age of 30.

why cant i just end up being loved by someone?

here's my latest song added to my iPod.

Dunia Batinku - Ella feat Tam (Spider)

Selaluku bayangkan bagaimanakah
agaknya rasa ditempatmu
disamping kekasih yang membelai
hati dan perasaanmu
oh kawanku

Malu ku nak cerita
kerana ku tak mahu kau sampai baca rahsiaku
biarlah tak siapa yang tahu
gejolak didunia batinku

c/o
Zahir kau lihat bukan segala-gala
bibir tersenyum menutup jiwa yang luka
zahir kau lihat hanya antara lapis
mataku sinar bergenang tangis

Memang nasib bercinta
kerap terhenti disimpang hidup, rindu dan cahaya
kekasih yang setia
kekasih yang amat sempurna cintanya

Demi cinta yang benar….ooh.. ooh.. ooh..

fluish

sniff*sniff*

argh.i'm getting sick and tired over this nose of mine! my flu is still here!! it's been 3 days, yet i still have flu! argh. i've tried like Panadol Extra, Panadol Cold and now Lemsip. argh!!! it's still here!!! i'm getting tired just because of this flu. i get droggy and get pissed-off easily. frens been telling me to just stay home and rest, cause they think i'm too overwork, sinc i've been in school everyday since last week (except sundays,duh). it's not that i do not want to rest, but i cant possibly rest thinking of my projects and revision. i cant. i have to be in school where i can concentrate and do my projects. if i were to stay home, i would either rot or just sleep whole day.

to double it up, i gotta work for the rest of the week. tried asking if i can get a sick leave tonight, but my sis said that there isn't enough man power.i cant possibly bail her out and leave her in the lurch. argh. so i have to go to work.

my Candies had been pushing me to see the doctor to help with the flu for the past 2 days. how i wish i could afford that luxury,guys. doctor fees are expensive, u know. and if u asked me to go polyclinic, would u line-up for me and i'll only come when my number is near? no,right? so shuddup about asking me to go to the doctor.

argh.... why do i have to fall sick now!!!!!

soccer

there are more cars than people in Singapore

eversince primary school, i stopped playing those stupid immature games with my girl friends. remember the games like catching or putting a handkerchief behind someone and run before she can catch u? i hated those games. i bet that is the same reason why i dun scream or shriek like girls. in fact, i don't remember the last time i scream or shriek. as i got older, i started mixing with boys from all walks of life. even until now, i'm a great girl-friend to many of my friends who are boys. but of cos, there's a bad effect. i hardly get girls to be my friends and i'm sort of a bad girlfriend to my partner. but it didnt matter. as long as i got my friends who knew the real me and understood why i'm mentally men-like, it's fine. yes, i do have my feminine side too. no secret. i still love to put on my blusher and fav lipstick on every day.it's just that, who says u cant mix and be merry with boys just because u're a girl.

this morning i realised that, as much as i love to mingle with my boy friends,i just have not done one thing. soccer. Adit smsed me this morning to inform me the soccer meet-up later this afternoon. first i thought he smsed the wrong person. but he specifically said "Hey Fiddy, u do know we're playing soccer today,right?" so yea, i was officially invited by the guys to play this afternoon. but sadly, i declined cause i was already in school and wore my Havaianas flops today. besides, i gotta work later on. but, since now i'm treated like one of the "boys", i told Adit to inform me earlier next time, so i can wear my girl-play-soccer look.hee..

anyway,my agenda today was suppose to be the fact that i'm basically halfway in my programming for my SEP. alhumdulillah. but somehow, i don't feel like talking about it now. i wanna talk about profession.

truthfully, this year, i plan to werk my life so that i can have a great break at the end of the year. but that's not the point of this paragraph. the point is the fact that i have an odd profession. seriously, it had never been an issue to me that working in pasar malam is something sheepish (Mat told me the definition of sheepish is ashamed / embarassed. which i hav no idea if it's true). to me, my job is respectful and it pays my bills and school fees. in fact, it even gives me the extra allowance to spend a bit on clothes and shoes (expecting my Crocs really soon). however, there are still some of my friends who practically looks down on my job, (not me). then i would tell them that paper qualification doesnt not analysis someone to be in the right profession. i have a fren who works as a pole dancer to get her thru med-school in NUS. how about that? she has no worries on getting painful remarks on that cause what matters is, she's earning money and it's not like she's sleeping around or anything.

somehow or rather, it occur to me that people can be really narrow-minded and shallow at times. in fact, it's the same group of people who are ignorant on how money can be earned. what's up,man?not everyone is born with a silver (or gold) spoon in their mouths.

lost

Caught Up

the past 2 days was spent meaningfully with me having a lot of thoughts. thoughts about Pinky. I've jus vistited him just now. he looks.... sigh. i dunno. staying in a hospice don't seem to be helping with all the negative thoughts i suppose. even my journey to drop down at Novena Mrt, was teary and sullen. Just by thinking about him brings the watery eyes. I talked alot abt Pinky with my parents, who apparently gave me the emotional support to face Pinky.Seriously, i didnt wanna visit him. but i have to, otherwise that guilt will be in me forever. so when i did look at him, i braced myself to just be happy and give him the strength that i hope he has. i know he has them. esp with all the support coming from his frens and family, he is one happy person.

anyway, it seems that i've attracted the wrong attention to these 2 guys. i hate it when it happens. argh. last night was a last-minute night out with Ijal,Mat and Syu. apparently, i brought Kay along with us. hee... like duh, Kay is a name only me calls him. it felt weird though. it's not like i wanna bring him into this favorite circle of frens. it's just last min and he apparently lives next to my sister's block. took the car and we went for a late supper across the shore. as usual, KL trip was the main topic like any other meet-ups. hee... we gotta have another trip soon so we can stop talking abt KL.so anyway, i got caught up between 2 of the candies. it was fun cos i felt like i was Willy Wonka. if u don't know what i mean, stop reading here. hehe...

seriously, after my big break-up, i just wanna slack back and enjoy the rest of my school life with Shaipul (but he apparently hand over the Presidency to me last month. hmm...). then these 2 really nice and sweet candies come along. hmmm... me being the normal Fiddy. acts obliviously to everything about it. hee.... i'm just confused. truthfully, i love this circle group of frens. i really do. they are like what Shaipul said before->The grade A type who u bring them home and your parents fall in love with them. i dont wanna spoil the moments when i'm with them. in fact, i think the guy upstairs loves me as much as He loves Pinky, cos without Him, i wouldnt fall in love with this new friends of mine. with these guys, i get really comfortable and somehow or rather, i kinda changed from my wilful ways and stuff. cool right? hehe. in fact, i think this year, everyone gets to see the mellowed fiddy. i'm more laid back and low profilic.

oh and by the way, i'll be graduating this year,afterall. in fact, all the MNGs are. we'll be graduating together. Alhamdulillah. i hope we'll start our revision soon and finish our projects in time. i think i'll be organising and putting together a picnic next month for my SIM frens. not only the MNGs, but all the ones interest. just a small outing for frens who are just too stress out lately since everyone has started revising. a little breather will go a long way.

confession

confession

i just have to blog in again cos of some excitement. the whole week, i've been singing to a tune tt i do not know the title. i finally decided to find out the tune by googling the lyrics. FINALLY! i got the song!! and surprise,surprise. the singer name is Saiful. haha... wat more can i say. It's a guy from Malaysia Idol that sings it.

Ku Juga Mencintaimu - Saiful
Sukarnya 'tuk ku melupakan
Sinar matamu yang menawan
Terbayang-bayang tiap masa
Senyuman mu menggoda

Kehangatan terasa di jiwa
Tika kau lafaz kata cinta
Nafas terhenti seketika
Seakan sukar ku percaya
Ohh..ohh

Ku juga mencintai dirimu
Mengapa sukar ku luahkan
Bukan sengaja ku menahan
Bibir membeku lidah terkelu

Ku juga mencintai dirimu
Kau amat sempurna buat ku
Bukan saja aku biarkan
Kan ku ucap jua pada mu

Sukarnya untukku ucapkan
Ku takut akan kehilangan mu
Akan ku buat segalanya
Untukmu kekasihku

Cuma satu yang belum terluah
Kalimah cinta kau nantikan
Bila masa dan ketika
Tidak dapat ku menjawapnya
Ohh...

Semalaman ku menunggu panggilanmu
Pabila terdengar suaramu
Ku terlupa segalanya

Alamak!!Touching lah the ending!

Oasis

yippe?

got a nice call from the people in Radio tt said that the interview of Oasis could be done by shortlisted people.yippe! i so-want-to be that "people". but there are better people out there than me to do it. imagine me... Fiddy interviewing Liam and Noel. wow. hehe...

gonna go off soon from school to meet Mat and Syu for slack-time. Dinner too, i guess. I was in school since 3pm today doing my project. finally, i've started my Database. quite an achievement.yippe. digressing.... it rained quite bad today. but due to the fact that it rained, i finally got myself that Gio umbrella that is always half-priced on rainy days. and guess wat? it's PINK!!! heee.... now i have a new umbrella. just hope mummy wont hide it again. i have no idea why she had to put away (hide,in my terms) all the umbrellas! arghh... Met azza earlier. thanks to her, i got a new book to read!Yippe Finally. i've been wanting to get a new book to read since Mr Maybe. now i have Confessions of a Shopaholic to read. hee... i know.... it's like a real-life story of me. hee... i better read it before i turn into one really shopaholic.

these few days me been taking the trains and buses to school and anywhere else. it's been great,i suppose. but my Kittywave is getting cold.hmmm better warm him up soon.

talked to Kay for the past few days. thanks to him, i might be investing on the Crocs next month cause he can get me a really good price for a pair!!! another YIPPE!!! i know i shouldnt be spending. but like i said, investing. now everything i can buy are investments. anyway, guess wat color would my crocs be?? PINK!!! heee... i know it's gaudy and an orbit shoes. but i like it! i dun care what the rest of u will say! i dont even care if it will match with what i wear. heee... thanks Kay! we'll go and do our Pistachio & Coffee date soon!

happiness

happiness.

today was sort of a fruitful day for me in school. spent the whole afternoon on my sep. then, shaipul picked me up from school with intentions to just have dinner and maybe study for awhile. but when we got to school in the evening, news came to me that my dear fren,Pinky's health was getting more.... sad. a few days back, when we visited him, he was getting better. but somehow, i guess things went dark. when we arrived, it was pretty meng-semangat-kan to see that nearly the whole JI turned up. hee... okok.. i'm exaggerating. hee.. Pinky's classmates and the malay community of his batch came.

on my way back, i was telling myself that i guess it's all fate and wishes from Him on how people are here for. no point being rich when u dun have the health. no point being healthy when u don't care for it. i know i'm pretty much contradicting in my life. but i did made a resolution to quit smoking this year. hee...?? we'll see how it goes ok?

i miss Pinky. even though we were hardly close, we share the more Pink color in things and conversation. he had been one of the most positive people i met in life. and now i can say that he is one of the most bravest fren i ever had. to actually go through something like this is never easy. "well, i miss u Pinky. we still have many more pinky stuff to talk about. i would need your opinion on my pink design for Kittywave. U need me to tell u that Mandy Moore sucks. i would need u to tell me to stop smoking. U need to tell me that pink is only allow on u. i would need u to be online on my birthday this year again and say your wishes as your nickname on MSN. u would need me to plan your upcoming birthday in March. "

pain

painful hardship

sometimes, being broke and in need of money, brings in a slight happiness. i can truthfully tell the world that i no longer have 3 sisters. i only have 1 sister in my life. the rest are just similar bloodlines in me. it's because of this sister, i am wat i am right now. thank u,sis.

similar to the agenda this morning, i know who my frens are. real frens. it's frens like these i need most to help me walk this lonely road. i really didnt mean to trouble anyone. but thanks anyway. u make me perked. sigh. ada jugak orang sayang fiddy sebagai kawan/members.

a walk down

Earlier this afternoon, a fren of mine met up with me. an impromtu thingy. i was actually starving and Mat just had to rescue me from dying in front of MSN. so we met to go down to Sim Lim to get some stuff. u know wat? it's been quite a while since i actually took the public transport and realised on so many things that had changed. not simlim lah!!! what i mean is that, it's been quite awhile since i actually took the public and walked distances. it's weird, but u get to see more things than u ride/drive. went to L.A.B and saw the latest helmet brought in from Japan. alamak... cute la!!! i'm gonna look into auction if they have cheaper prices.then walked thru Sungei road but it was drizzling and remember i threw my pink cap away?(i have other caps, but only tt pink cap would match my dressing today.) so we hurried down to simlim and got our stuff. except the fact that they didnt have my shuffle's skin. damn u, sim lim. oooo.. and i finally get to eat my ffffaaaaavvvvvvvoooorrrriiiiitttteeee fish soup bee hoon at Tong Seng, the one opp Bugis. imagine this cool and rainy weather, eating a bowl of hot,steamy with cili padi fish soup. ahhh.... frens, that is the only place that sells the best fish soup beehoon. that is my favorite ever. and to bring Mat and eat it there, was just a bonus point to show how a great a fren i can be. hee... recommending good places to eat. hee...


ooo wait, before that!! i got myself a nice funky PINK watch. hee... i hate it when this happen. "a fren would boast on her new thing,e.g pink cap (",), and i get jelous and buy something similar." a pink watch. hehe...take that,syu! hee...

oh, back to my story. then we crapped as usual and went home with full tummy. except for me la. i had only a half-filled tummy cause i was stil urging to buy that curry puff from OCK. tapi tak beli, because it was near to 10pm. no food after 10pm,fiddy. hee...

no point.

no point.

the entry before this seems so un-necessary. i guess i was just so stressed out at that point. probably a PMS action we girls do at times. i guess it's ok to graduate a year later. maybe for now, i shall get a proper job and work hard on my papers this year. takpe la. susah dulu,senang kemudian. no matter how rotten i would feel to see my frens during THEIR graduation day, at least i know i would eventually graduate and have my own good day then.

no point brooding.

BUT!!! i must brood about one thing. Syu got her latest pink cap. hmm... no fair. i used to have a pink cap. i brought along the KL trip cos it was my favorite. then.... it got dirty. argh. then i was so stupid to put it in my washing machine. then. it tore. it ripped apart actually. cause the cloth that it was made was fine and tears easily in water. so imagine wat it had gone thru in the machine. the other clothes that was washing along with it was filled with pink stripes stuck to it. pure madness.

now i wanna get a new pink cap. hmph!

fikiran!!

ahhhh fikiran!!!

guess wat? fickle.fiddy is back. argh. as much as i would like to make her disappear, she's back.

calculated my money this morning and i'm short of $600 by this friday. as i was doing my project with the guys yesterday, i kinda had a punch in my heart that made me realise on how important it is for me to graduate this year. as much as i thought that graduating a year later is unimportant, it is important. argh... i wanna graduate with my frens. i wanna get my cert with them. i wanna sit for all my papers. i kept telling myself that its ok to graduate a year later. it's ok if i can't do my project this year. it's ok if i have to come back to school alone next term. after talking to the guys, i was shaky with my decision to graduate a year later. worst, after talking to someone last night, it totally made me realised that i could have made a big mistake.

argh.. ape?!! bingit tau!!! it's ISP that i wanted to defer. let me explain. we're require to do this thesis for ISP.IT'S A 7 CHAPTERS thingy. right now, i've done 3 chapters. by right, the handing in of the project is end of Feb. but the boys decided to finish up their SEP and then do the ISP. which means, they will be handing in ISP late, probably in march or april. somehow, that kinda trigger me that maybe i can catch up and finish up my chapters and sit my ass for that paper in june. so doesn't it seems stupid of me to waste a year just for that project which i'm already half-way done?

argh....... but now, it seems really too late for me to change my mind. Friday is the dateline for the $2k. now, i can truthfully tell the world that it's all about the money. i'm short of $600 for that. today is tuesday and friday seems so near. argh!!! maybe i am destined to graduate next year.

5 years

It's been 5 years.

It's been 5 years since 8th Jan 2001. and it had been 2 years and 8 months since i long for that date to come again. But i moved on. i made it clear to not look back in the past anymore because i do not what to hold on to anymore false hope.

But if i ever had the chance again, i wanna relive that date again. Please.

elizabethtown

Elizabethtown

Elizabethtown was a nice and sweet movie. Like duh. During JI, i was constantly comparative to Kirsten Dunst looks. truthfully, i dun see any similarity like everyone elsle did. My fav movie from her is actually Crazy/Beautiful. I guess maybe in that movie, we both pretty much was a similar size ,similar structure of face and that same right dimple. hehe.

met up with the KL gang. Til now i do not know how to label them. all of them were from '98 3months course in JI. i, for which, has no connection with them til Shaipul brought me in. They know themselves as the "3MonthsCourse" gang. but i guess now it's "3MonthsCourse + Fiddy = KL Trip". hehe. Met Mat,Syu,Ijal and Wan. Then another fren of theirs,Jun. We were actually reminicsing the times of KL Misadventures. Ketawa ter kek-kek Kek-kek tengok gambar and videos. Tak sangka kerena-kerena masing-masing. Belang semua terbongkar.Ijal,Wan and Shaipul- U guys make Awie eat his pants!!!! I hope to see these guys more often. Pretty good influence,for one. and merepek sessions works for me too! i guess i'll look forward to raya 2006 cos of u guys. hehe. and to Syu, stop giggling and thinking the obnoxious thoughts of me and Mat. (heee....)

anyway, hasnt been talking to mum lately. i'm just fed-up with her. i cant talk back cos it's rude and it wont be nice on my final report with Him. it's just that, whenever i say something nicely or just informing her onmy whereabouts, all i get is an angry tone and scolding. sape tak fed-up. it's like everything i do, is so wrong.it's not that i wan to stay out late. it's just that, whenever i'm home, there's noone to talk to and she is always scolding me for things that are not necessary. argh. one more event, and i'm out of this house. Chomel's house will be ready by the end of the month. maybe i can move in with her for awhile then.

a fren of mine over at Yahoo! had enlisted me for an interview this monday. it's a job that deals with being an assistant to the head of marketing in Yahoo!. it's a wonderful job and it will definitely look great on my resume after my graduation. the scope i was told, seems to be exactly the environment i need to be in. BUT. (there's always a but.) BUT, we're not talking about Yahoo!Singapore. It's another branch of Yahoo! in another part of Asia. i would go for the interview but i wont be taking up the job though even if i get it. don't ask why.

expectations unexpected

Expectations Unexpected

in life, i have a high expectations of myself and the people around me. it's genetic from my mum. but as i get older, these expectations gets lower as i learn to accept mistakes and adjustments of life. but one expectation that i never fail to lower, is my education. cos it is the one thing that i looks forward and works hard in life. sadly, it's about to affect my life soon. Shariah just gave me the green light to defer some of my subjects to next year. which means that i am allow to graduate next year and not this year. and yes, i've decided to graduate a year later. it's finalised. i've spoke to my sister and she agrees that cutting some time back would do me good. this path i chose, i wont regret. i cant regret cos it's my decision.
i was actually feeling really awful cos of everything. i believe that i would be able to do all 4 papers this year. but it's all about the money again. i cant help it to say that it is mainly due to financial distress that i'm cutting a year back to graduation. it's not about my pride of borrowing from family. but it's about the family. i'm sick and tired of hearing my own family dissing each other about money. and this is why i hate it when i need money. they are the only ones who can help and piss u off at the same time. no one would understand how i feel cos no one else would actually ask me why am i doin this. unlike other frens of mine, they have parents to help them pay or they themselves have a job that can pays that amount. i'm willing to sacrifice a year of my education,but i'm not willing to hear words from my family to just bring me down. it was my choice to go into tertiary studies. so it's my problem to solve.
awful. i just felt as rotten as hell today. no one to talk to about this. no shoulder there for me to cry. it's just fate that i'm stuck in a life that believes money is not important until now. to me, seriously, money is never important. money can always be earned. but one thing i learn about money, is that, money cannot be earned within 10 days.
foooh.... i feel so much beter after blogging. hope u realise that the sentence before this is a sarcastic remark.
anyway, someone out there had planned to go ahead with his plans to Umrah. happy for him. i guess sometimes in life, u need to overcome an ordeal to really know yourself. i guess i made the right choice of letting him have back his life. in times to come, i hope he remains happy with his decision. even though i no longer am in his life, i'm glad we made the memories that remains.i know how frens can actually see me being whatever-whatever. but i'm glad they still love him as much as before.
as for me, i guess i'll remain the happy go-lucky personality that everyone know me as during KL Misadventures. heee....

the gilmore

i'm a gilmore girl

my fav show between relationships is the Gilmore Girls. the bond between a daughter and a mother really jealous me out.i always wish i have that type of relationship with my mum, but i can't. if any of you watch the Gilmore girls this season (season 6), u might be in for a surprise that i'm actually gonna be doing what Rory is doing this season. Rory decided to take a year off from Yale to get her wants straighten out.

but this entry is not about Rory. it's about me. i'm taking a big step this year. i've decided not to take my final exams this may/june. well, not full, i mean. i have 4 units this year. i've decided to only sit for 2 units this may. i've taken alot of things to considerations. i know i would be graduating a year later. and i also know that i would be graduating with my frens during the ceremony. additional to that, i also know that i'll be graduating with a degree a year later. this is actually a major step for me. really. it's not by choice actually. 2 main reasons why i would be able to take all 4 units together.

1, i don't have the money to pay for the exams fees. our papers are $462 each. so it's near to $2k for 4 papers. i seriously cant come up with that amount by 14th jan. it's destined that i come from a below-average family and that i have to feed for myself. i'm ok with that. money isn't really important to me. that is why i'm willing to risk another year of my time.

2, my projects are way behind deadline. i have to sacrifice one of them. i'm still contemplating on which one though. i cant cope with the projects together with my other 2 essay-like papers.

i know my parents will be disappointed with my decision. but i guess it's about time i make my own decisions. i do wanna get my studies straighten out and this is the path i wanna take. if a year is wat it takes, then a year it shall be.

the affinity

the affinity

it's 2.15am. was gonna blog earlier, but was delayed by a certain newbie. hee... anyway, visited Pinky at SGH just now. i'm glad he still got his spirits high. (",) you'll always be in prayers,my fren. then i left with shaipul to eat some soup kambing at BoonKeng with his fren. even though i felt like a lamp post, it was a nice event that the 3 of us went for dinner together. anyway, the soup is nice there. finally get to taste it eversince everyone else talked about it. after that, i left earlier while he attend to some matters with the fren. oh by the way, i took the MRT today. hehe... it was raining the whole day. so i skipped the bike and went for the train. hee.... GO PUBLIC.

the real agenda for today's blog is the fact that sometimes i feel bad in between frens. it's like, i'm keeping this huge secret from a lot of ppl about a best fren. i cant tell anyone. but the affected ones are really hurting. sigh. u wouldnt understand what i'm saying. but i just feel bad. it's really tough being a fren to both sides. i wish i could explain to her, but i cant. sigh.i feel what she feels. but i was trained well to keep a well-kept secret. hehe...

eleven

Tommy's Eleven

another rendition of Ocean's Eleven, u can say. hee.... ahhh.... had a well deserve trip over the weekend. it's been quite a while since i travelled. even though it was just KL, it's probably one of the best trips i would always remember. it was a supposedly a last minute trip for me cause i was still contemplating on deciding to go for the trip with 10 other strangers.but i'm so glad i went for it. it was one of those events where i don't need to be subtle or introvert. all i needed was just to be naturally me. u know why? turns out, the rest of us are pretty much as laid-back and indecisive d-makers like me. hahah... i didnt even need any ice-breakers games to introduce myself in. even though the trip was tiring, it was worth every second spent with these 7 guys and 3 girls.i was more drawn closer with the guys cause it turns out, they needed a new member in the crappy jokes and constant laughs.

i loved the girls too.syu, siti and atika are really sweet ladies. the girls' room was quite huge for the 4 of us and it consist of a kind sized bed. being a "king"-sized myself, i surrender the girls my space cause it kinda fit nicely for the 3 of them. even though they offered me a space, it wasnt enough. caused i heard one of them kicks in her sleep. haha... i ended up sleeping in the living room with some of the guys. i had no complains of sleeping on the floor, but i sure need to complain on the fact that i had to sleep next to 2 guys who snores like nobody's business. hmmm...

everyone was really hospitable to me cause i was like a newbie to the group. salamat and shaipul blended me well into the gang. in fact, this trip made drew me closer to shaipul, knowing his punctuality and his discreet-life-hidden-from-the gang. don't worry dude. i still have my lips sealed no matter now Abg Sal tries to break in. hehe... anyway, i didnt go for the Peterpan concert cause it didnt seem exciting enough for me to go. some of them went for it, while the rest of us just slacked back and bonded back at the hotel. i didnt go clubbing either cause i was seriously not interest. some of them went for a last min clubbing moves but came back to the hotel with a lil' regret. hehe... takpe la....

the best part of this trip was the fact that we went for ATV and a massive-awesome-heartwrenching-4hours-superb karaoke. heh. oh wait, i should correct that. the best part of this trip is the fact that anyone who ends up with me and shaipul for rides, ends up lost with us. hehe. it's proven! we're probably the 2 only people in the group that is jinxed to get lost easily. hehe... oh well, wished to write in more, but it's time to repay my sleep since i lost alot over the trip.

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Ijal: Fiddy, make sure as security i/c, u check everything before we leave.
Fiddy: yeah ok.

after 5 mins....

Ijal: Fiddy, ade ape2 tertinggal?
Fiddy: Nah... Just memories...

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A Some Mastercard Moments.

Transportation fee to Sunway Extreme Park: RM10 each
ATV adventure: RM40 each
10mins of MUD-Fight on a cliff with 2 guys,while on an ATV: Priceless.




















Trip to Plaza Imbi :RM10
Karaoke session for 4hours: RM120
Getting caught dancing to the song of Singkong and Keju (dangdut version): Priceless














Hotel: RM540
Bus trip: RM35
Meeting Jon (Ijal) Secada: Priceless





















Lunch at Nasi Kandar Restaurant: RM84
Cab ride to Jalan Ampang: RM10
Lost in the rain at Little India with plastic bags over the heads: Priceless.