latest updates

latest updates.

1. I'm busy helping my sister. all the means to get thru this times, by doing something useful.

2. been a week since i slept on my own bed. why? cos i'm staying with my sister. and yes, mum is nagging.

3. i have not touched my own PC for a week. now using my brother's PC at home.

4. he seems to be more emotional than me. am i wrong this time? sigh.

5. Superman rocks. to spoil everyone's urge to go and watch, here's the catch. Superman has a SON! haha!!!

6. Batam trip is on the edge to be cancel. why? cos i cant seem to get everyone. Syu is busy with her stuff, so i rather not disturb her. it's tough for me, cos i'm pratically planning this for the first time with this gang.hmm.. we'll see how.

7. i might put wat my best talent is, to money-making. i mean, as a job lah.... cos someone actually suggested for me to be an events planner.haha.

8. seriously, i'm planning to follow my dad's footsteps. yes, and i'm gonna send in my application very soon.

9. i feel that his feelings is incomparable for the things he did to me in the past. but does it make me a bad person to not give him another chance? i mean, he had so many chances.

10. i'm feeling better each day. thanks to both my besties who helped me along the way. i'm changing routines in my daily lifestyle just to make sure, i don't brood every single thing that remind me of him. to add on, i think i lost a couple of kgs, changed my specs and on the way to get rid of my blonde streak. yes, the blonde streak would have to go. i know it's the thing that remind everyone else who is Fiddy. but now, i think i prob gotta let it go, cos i'm moving on to the next phase in life.

11. (lastly) my Vans are not in the next round. sigh.... but i'm still gonna invest on their away jersey when the season ends.

rossa

Rossa

when syu told me about this song, i was strucked.she sang this during the k-box session. i immediately liked this song cos of the lyrics. basically about this girl who decided to say that she's no longer the girl for the bf, now that he found another. dumb ass... but hey, the guy in the video is hensem and cute lah!!! BALD. my fav. yes, i love bald guys. lagi lagi, mat indo....

then as i was sitting on my couch watching Mtv, the new video from Rossa features the same guy!!! the song is Cinta. then i realised that it's a continuation from Aku Bukan UntukMu. yea. in this Cinta video, the guy turns up at her concert with another girl. dum ass.


Rossa-Aku Bukan Untukmu

Dahulu kau mencintaiku
Dahulu Kau menginginkanku
Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon Maafkan aKu...

Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain....
tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu...

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali...
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan Pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku...

my life story

my life story

i have not been able to blog since i got home from KL. all because yesterday, i was pretty much busy with sleep. then in the afternoon, met my doctor for the last check. she offered the whole counselling package cos i looked distresses and haggard. but of cos, i declined. i'm fine. well, just ok i suppose. then met my sister. did some shopping with her. she made me smile. :) as much as i wan her to know what was going on in my life, i rather let her be worry-free of me!

yesterday, my rollercoaster ride ended. this time i wanna make sure it really does stop. now looking at his msn nick, i feel that i was right all the time. only needs me when he needs me. how come he weren't this romantic before? but of cos, his nick will definitely get my frens on his side of the court. i guess i cant say much then.

my KL trip.

as u know, i travelled with 9 other girls. woah. but God had arranged for us, for 3 guys to bunked in with us. so in the end, Faisal, Buck and Faisal's fren, Ashraf, joined us. a lot of events happened. best part is that, we met so many ppl we know at PS. haha. i made super frens with the Abang Burger next to PS. he become my messenger when Shaipul failed to turned up on time.haha..so now, if anyone who asked this abang about the girl who wears a bright pink shoes, that's me. haha...

there were ups and downs in the trips. but it's a trip. shit happens. even though i was half-happy and half-sick during the trip, i managed to laugh when i need to. haha. just imagine 2 grown-men arguing over 2 wrongly ordered murtabak for 1 hour. imagine having "Mozart" and "Beethoven" sleeping over for the night. imagine one of the really polite and feminine girl fell over the ATV bike and injured her head, yet... still decided to go on with us throughout the whole trail. excellent. haha

there's so much to say, but i shall leave them as memories.

Conclusion

the trip did me some good. people i loved made me smiled and made me forget my problems in Spore. now that i'm back, i gotta pick up the broken pieces once again. i guess it's different this time. i'm more strong and more positive as whole person. yippe.

a new life

a new life.

someone told me before that, when u lose someone in life, it's best to have a replacement. and so i did. hee.. in fact, i got 2 new lives! hehe... meet my new friends. ERM... haven named them though. hee... but they look great don't they? even though they are pretty small now, hopefully, they will grow well. u see, "he" used to tell me that i'm probably the worst gf to any guy, but a great friend to anyone. so now that i can't take care of him like i wanted to, i wanna see if i can take care of these two pricks. hee...

so anyway, was removing some pictures from my hp while i upload new playlist. so here are some captures.

the exam hall was near the show venue of this favorite show of my nephew. took him to the show last year. but this year, no cash. hee.. poor boy. no HI5 for him this year.

the pic taken using Syu's coolest hp. hee... of cos, u need a goofy model for the coolest hp.

see the crumpler paperbag i'm holding? hee... me happy-happy girl tt night. (i miss this size)

meet my KittyWave.

i like

i like!

Cleo just sent me the July edition. and as i was flipping thru, i saw something i really like.... woah.

i know Pink is so over-rated in my life right now. but i cant help it! this one is really nice. i know i already have a pink baby-g watch but this Swatch Jelly-in-Jelly edition is like so nice!!! they even come in Orange, Black and Blue. oh, and the Blue one is exceptionally special cos it is to be launched with the Blue Man Group. now, how cute is that? now, i gotta get myself to Mustafa Centre if they have this already. Jus wanna check the prices lah!

anyway, woke up early this morning cos i had so much on my mind. thanks to both my bestie who made feel better. one of them ends his exams today. yippe... we can start our post-exams activities soon. my other bestie is sick at werk. oh, have i ever mention that both these 2 besties has gfs by the name of Siti? haha.. purely coincidence. like i told them before, it could just happen to have an outing of Two Siti and a Fiddy. cute,kan?

gawd, how pathetically am i consoling myself. ooh well, at least now, he finally decided to end my rollercoaster ride in this r/s. i guess it's for the best. as for our common friends, i guess i'll leave it to him to explain to them. cos the last time i did, they couldn't handle it well. and yes, the Mngees wont be the same again.as for the Old Scums Inc, they cancelled the upcoming KL trip. hmmm... i guess i'll just ask them along for my Batam trip. miss u guys.

dumb-dumb

dumb-dumb.

it was a tiring trip. and i do not want to talk about it. all i know, i'll be looking forward for this friday for my next trip.

anyway, i added a new item on the right. it's about the current book i would be reading. now that i have all the time in the world, it would be awesome to recommend some nice books. hee... likewise, if anyone wanna exchange books with me, let me know. anyway, the current book, Thai Girl, is quite a nice book. all about Farangs and the thai girls in, duh, Thailand. hee... this book is about Ben, a Farang, who falls for a thai girl. basically, this book exposed the evolution of how the Thai girls were brought to the city from Isaan (the poorer part of Thailand). book readers who love to know about this country, should read on this one. not bad.

see, i rather talk about the book, than my dumb-dumb trip. argh.. pictures may or may not be upload. we'll see. yes, i didnt miss him. astonishing but yea. i didnt miss him.

a normal conversation

A normal conversation.


Fuck Life says:
aku nak buat seat aku, ar da terlanjur off

fiddy.has.left.the.building says:
oooo

fiddy.has.left.the.building says:
kat mana kau nak buat ah?

Fuck Life says:
aunty

fiddy.has.left.the.building says:
dah terlanjur, beli kan aku glove yang macam kau ok?

fiddy.has.left.the.building says:
$18 kan

Fuck Life says:
aunty, lar bukan ah boi..

fiddy.has.left.the.building says:
yelah.. dekat per

Fuck Life says:
gi skali, ar.. aku pn gi sorang

fiddy.has.left.the.building says:
tak sempat.... aku lum pack. mak aku dah bising nie

Fuck Life says:
hehe

Fuck Life says:
kau nak glove jgk kape

fiddy.has.left.the.building says:
beli kan ah........

Fuck Life says:
k, lar..

fiddy.has.left.the.building says:
nanti balik terengannu, aku beli kan kau Kain kalau kau nak.

Fuck Life says:
pat terengganu kalau ade tshirt trainspotting colour putih size l grabkan.. kalau ade

fiddy.has.left.the.building says:
ooo.. ok.. kalau ade.. kau ingat aku nak gi thai eh

Freeze the Tears,pls

Freeze the Tears,Pls.

yesterday was suppose to be a great day. but it turned out likewise.i ended my day at Suntec with tears left at the bench outside tower four. i'm sure some of u will be gloating on my mishap. i'm used to tt. all of u can say it's my fault. but if only u knew wat was going on. sometimes, i wonder why am i still here. Friends.... i have lots of that. but knowing how some dislike for me-being-me, i can only name a couple of friends who stood by me. the ones who scolds me at the end of the day. reprimanding the fact that i should have left a long time ago. and also the ones who cried with me.

i wished he knew how important those questions are. if they aren't important, i wouldn't repeatedly ask them over and over again. i wished he just answered them. i wished he had turned back to see that i've stopped, when he walked away from me. he didnt even glanced back or even stopped me. and now, he wants me to be nice? how awful had i been to him? am i really that bad person he craved me out to be?

couldn't sleep last night. but around 4am, my bestie called to check on me. at least someone cares. this is the bestie that would tell me over and over again, to just move on happily. "Get it over with,Fids." "Cry everything out,Fid." "He's not worth these tears." "Not that i wanna scold u, but u know this was gonna happen sooner or later." yea, these are the lines i manage to hear over and over again. haha.. it made me smile.

i know some of you are his friends and would think that everything that had happen is all my fault. i can't change your judgement. knowing how cynic most of u are, it's obvious that to take his side is best cos he's (to all your perceptions) a changed man. i can't argue any further. As for me, i'll just live my life. Nice? i don't think it's worth being nice anymore. when u do a bad thing, u will receive a bad effect. tt's karma. but to me, when i'm nice to him, good karma won't ever happen. anymore.

The Ice Queen

The Ice Princess

i envy alot of my friends. these are the types that are happy in their r/s. the types that still hold hands and whispers mushy-mushy stuff into each other's ears.sigh... i wish i have one of that too.

right now, i'm full of anxiety. really i am. can't say why, but i just do. alot of anxiety.

will be leaving for some beach-trip this friday. yippe. will be back on monday. then off to KL with the girls the following weekend. then i think i'll be heading for KL again towards end of June again. but this time, for some work issue. no, not the burger one lah! then maybe July/Aug, new plans to head out towards the opposite part of the world. if all goes well in the purse, will be meeting up Fifi. all these are so tentative.... it all depends if i can save enough. right now, earning $60 perday should be Ok to keep the tummy full.

so when am i gonna start looking for a stable job? hee... all depends.. i'm not trying to emphasie that my life will just be as slacking as it is now. it's just that, maybe i deserve to have a long holiday first. but of cos, there will be mouths that's yakking away about my decision. hmm.. like i said, all are tentative to change and i would care or less of wat those mouths are yakking about.

i have kept this little list in my head on the parts of the world i would like to visit. so it's a bout time i list them down.

1. Goa,India
2. Tokyo, Japan
3. California,USA
4. Ko Phi Phi, Thailand
5. Paris, France

but yea, they will only stay in my head. i dun think at the rate i'm going, all these places are affordable. so for now, just let me dream,k?

Am I really a mean person?

Am I really a mean person?

did a few touch up to the new layout. i realised tt if u see it using Mozilla, the fonts are huge. haha.

anyway, i kinda like the new change. i dunno why. i even tried to change the "parting" of my hair. i used to part my hair on the right. now i'm trying left. i'm quite weird.

someone out there really made my day. it started to feel like all the trouble i had gone thru for that person, seems to be going down the drain. i was made the really-bad-person. i dunno why. but i know everything isn't totally my fault. all i need was some attention from that person to see the real me. but that person just couldn't. that person just have to have in his own way.That person only sees things as the way it should be, and not the way it could be.

now i have this whole urge to postpone finding a stable job. i just wanna stay at my part-time job, save lots of money each month and back-pack in october. yes, really. i wish i could do it. but i know somehow, fate will not let me do it. somehow i know, it's no point for me to keep running. from reality.

this is for u.

Padi -Menanti Sebuah Jawaban.

Aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu
Dan aku tak bisa menyentuh cintamu
Seiring jejak kakiku bergetar
Aku tlah terpaku oleh cintamu

Menelusup hariku dengan harapan
Namun kau masih terdiam membisu
Sepenuhnya aku...ingin memelukmu

Mendekap penuh harapan...tuk mencintaimu

Setulusnya aku...akan terus menunggu
Menanti sebuah jawaban tuk memilikimu

Betapa pilunya rindu menusuk jiwaku
Semoga kau tau isi hatiku...
Dan seiring waktu yang terus berputar
Aku masih terhanyut dalam mimpiku

Aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu
Dan aku tak bisa menyentuh cintamu

new skin

new skin,y'all!

so i did a new layout. yes. trying to see if my html skills still no wasted over the years. if u cant see the new layout, refresh,k? i'm sure none of u are not that idiotic. excuse my language. as it's obvious, i have a chat box down there, so comment a little will ya? i accept the presence of critiques.

about the layout. it's pretty simple. i guess i'm just trying to show that i'm more laid back now. well, at least i think i am. will be revamping some parts on the RIGHT soon. once i vget back from work. ah yes.. back at the pasar malam. one of my frens actually commented before to me, that i should have a section of where my shop will be through s'pore. this way, everyone will know where i'll be. haha... funny comment. u think i wanna do that? it's not like i hate my job, but wouldn't it be over-rated of this blog? bleugh.

It's June.

It's June.

gosh.it's June already. i'm one paper away to unleashing the no-more-school-til-don't-know-when parasite of Woodlands St41. what am i say? haha. i do not know myself. i'm in school actually. trying to find reasons why am i here. yea, i should be studying. but the paper i'm sitting for tomorrow has minimal study materials except for the IS Project i did months ago. it's basically the coursework of what i have done during the research.

June... hmm... alot of birthdays. a few trips out of singapore. a 10kg-loss programme. a couple of engagements and a wedding. oh, and lots of resumes to be send out. hee... gosh. i gotta find a job. a real job. i cant posibbly sell burgers all my life. actually i can, but i wont. a lot of life choices, but i'm keen onto one. which one? i wont tell. neh-neh-neh-boo-boo.... hee...

other than those mention above, i got a few things i gotta straighten up in my life. like my messy room. like the Lost-cum-Oc marathon. like the books i got from Borders,but yet to read. and oh, my OldScums Inc. i miss those guys. can't wait til Sunday to meet them. time to golek2 under the sun at Sentosa with them and get the Inc-thingy goin.

yesterday i met Bob Ol school at Mus Ctr. hee.. been quite a while since i met that chubby dude. the urge to hug and cuddle him was so high, but i was apparently in the middle of mus ctr with so many people.haha. so i left that thought. then met the seniors from JI. but me being an arrogant junior, didnt bother to talk to them, thinking that they probably won't talk to me either. hee... then after all that, i started thinking about my girls from JI.omg. i so miss them. so i started calling each one of them this morning. it was so great to hear Fiza's voice. so fresh. reminds me all the good times we had in our days at JI. so since i'm probably the free-ist person this holiday, would be planning a meet up with the whole 5-most-kecohest-girls from my batch. hee.. i sure miss them.

u know who else i'll be missing? my Bigbear. he's apparently planning for his backpacking trip soon. yea, the trip that it was supposedly to be me and him. hee... the good ol days. i'm so gonna miss school.