eh, they reviewed me lah!

eh, i got a response lah!! i know i'm not suppose to be excited. but at least they reviewed my application. u see, i've appiled to alot of the govt bodies (yes, i'm becoming quite a patriot). and there's only 2 of the bodies that i'm so keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnn (see how keen i am?) on getting. and yes! one of them reviewed my application and asked for me to submit my papers. yippe. one problem. now i hope for my results to come faster. so that i can send it in together. hmmm. i know this will sound bad to some of my fellow uni frens. but sowie! i need it soon. got to send in my papers within 1 week from now.

anyway, as keen as i am, now i wish mfa reviewed my application. yes, the other govt body. hmm.. tapi takpe. alhamdulillah, at least the other one reviewed.

disgressing to daily rants. been busy lately.doing wat? pasar malam ah. u know, everytime i'm at werk, i always think abt wat to write for my blog. esp abt the life in a pasar malam. seriously, there's a lot to talk about. esp when days u have horrible customers. it's like, WTF. U're buying just a couple of burgers and u yell at one of my boys? eh-eh.. relek aje.

anyway, will leave tt to another day. now i'm too tired from bedok's shop. gotta wake up early later.

good morning all.

oooh.. the otot-otot all pain-pain

i was at gym, then went for a run with Fie yesterday. haha. it's been a few weeks since i sweat it out all. apparently, it was enough to leave my muscles to ache. haha. i gotta start back my fitness. i cant just rely on dancing alone,can i. haha.

went to the field with the boys for the soccer match at the Old PA this morning. it was an excellent game that ended with a draw. i guessed i sensed correctly that the opponent were pretty rough. Alif asked me to come down for the next game. hmm... well. it's the game against LCK PCG. hmm. i guessed i would try to make time this time. Couple of them asked me if the PCG's team are good. haha. seriously, i dunno wat to answer. i only watched a couple of games from PCG. but then again, i dun even know if they are the same ones to play this sunday. oh well, i just hope for the best.

i have Neyo's lyrics on the right. i realised that it's really time to let go of him. he's leaving really soon. and no point for me to say anything. i was talking to R the other day. and i suppose i should have let go when it all ended. no more point clinging to hope that are just false. but u know wat, i think him leaving made me realised that i could find love again. really. it's like, a less hump for me to hurdle through. but i'll miss his smiles and jokes. definitely.

Lovely

it was a night out tt starts at 1am this morning. haha. MOS was fun. maybe i didnt get my "groove" so i wasn't really dancing. yes, even though when they played Gasolina (Daddy Yankee.) went with a couple of frens and it was comfortable enough.

been doing alot of editing and designing these past few days. i guess my sister is letting me off heavy load of bazaar cos of this sideline. thanks,sis. but i do werk at bazaar at nights. just pick up the fellow workers and send them home. so pretty much, i'm fully occupied. too occupied tt someone had to think tt i'm busy dating and not werking. sheesh. like i promised before. i wont be doing tt dating-thingy or that R-thingy for awhile. i'm not gonna look. i'm just gonna occupy myself with watever i should be occupied with. sheesh. trust u to say tt.

it's amazing how job-employement can be made easy when u have a blog. i actually went for an interview for a freelance web maintenance work, tt pays quite miserly. well hey, it's freelance and hours are up to me. so the thing is that, they actually had this criteria tt if the interviewees has their own blog, they would have a higher chance. and voila. they drop by here the other day and yes, i'll be maintaining certains site.

Fie, i will not post my works here, cause it would breach certain rules. so dun ask me to links to the sites that i helped with. except of course the sites that allows me to link, i will link.

i'm so not-over pink.

i know i'm suppose to have a change of colour in life. but i'm so not-over pink. i like pink so much. i thot i've switched to lime green for a fresh new me and yadda yadda yadda... but everytime i start designing , i end up using pink. argh. fo those who noticed, i've remove the so-called background pic. i hate it. i really do. it was done when i was so frustrated. sigh. so here, u go. just a simple plain layout. and yes, i love to play with pink and black. no idea y.

my scene

someone close influenced me alot on the indo scene. really. until now, i'm probably a freak for indo scene. bands include Padi, Tipe-x, Cokelat and the list goes on.And with bestie Isk, i get alot of new songs or receommendations from him. the latest band tt caught my eye and also an eyecandy now, is AdaBand. i'm probably not updated or something if they are already an old band. but i so love this song. i came upon them by chance as i was looking for new songs. sigh. tangkap babe, this song. hee... enjoy the video and sing along with the lyrics by the side.



Ada Band - Haruskah ku mati

thanks eh

thanks eh

"With all our hearts going out for this newly wed couple."

breathless

breathless

it's almost 4.30am. i cant sleep. have to wake up early later at 9am to open shop. but i cant sleep.it's been a gloomy day for me actually. the day is nearer. but i cant seems to move an inch closer to the leaving-part. argh.

i think this year is the year, that i had the worst bad patches. it's more than last year. and wat the hell, it's not even december yet. but hey, bestie Isk made me smile with his testimonial at friendster. u made me glee......

the bbq for this so-called coming weekend seems unplanned. in fact, it's not even confirm. if any of u know me, i'm like the first to start planning and suggesting and doing watever i can for an event to work. (tt's why i should be an event planner) but this bbq, in fact tis whole gang, is affecting alot on me. i lost my passion of planning. i love these frens. but just one wrong step, the dominos fall. i know i should be myself, but hell no. i cant be like tt. and yes, things had changed. maybe for awhile. but knowing me to be me, it will take a long time for me to actually laugh or play along anymore jokes with them. but i still love them. all thanks to bestie Isk who introduce me to them. never regret knowing them.

gonna miss Hairi's race again. sheesh. i'm so-gonna get kick out from oldskumz. hahaha. i cant help it. it's like, all events by them are during weekends. and weekends are the times tt i'm busy with the shops. bestie khai must be used to my absence in every event. haha. sorry bro.

my gawd, come to think of it. my saturdays are all spend on work. i dun date anymore. all the ppl i used to hang out with are either married or attached. sheesh. i need to get a hobby. even budiman has dates now. hmmm... talk abt moving on on a fast pace.

make me think otherwise.

make me think otherwise.
each day, i'm beginning to detest the opposite sex. really. they are so contradictive. maybe it's just me, but it's like the ones tt are stuck in my head are showing their true self each time. maybe khai is right. i haven met the one who can break the benchmark of mrBear. so i tend to feel like this. argh.

haven been able to sleep right these days. i tend to aim for a full 6hours sleep, but within that 6 hours, i would wake up in the midst of a bad dream. no, not nightmare. just bad dreams. been having asthma attacks within sleep too. i dunno how tt is possible, but i would wake up in sweats, breathless. breathless cos i can feel my lungs being clenched so tight with the phelgm tt does not allow me to breathe easily. then i would try to reach out for the ventolin. and wat do u know, i left my med at my woodlands home. argh. tis happens each night. thinking tt i had my med on the table, but actually it's 20+km away. so i end up eating my Pro with water just to get to sleep and breathe slowly. it's tough, i tell u. i thought i'm so-over that asthma thingy. but it still lives within me. it's not like i kept brooding over "said and done" things. it's just tt, everytime i finally had peace of mind to sleep, a bubble will pop into my mind with all the dreadful things tt had happen. sheesh. maybe i need that Osim iMedic.

i told khai abt the mfa application. i know it's pretty damn shallow and transparent of me. but if there's a chance, there's always an opportunity. u never know fate might bring.

empty

empty

sent out alot of applications. now i'm tired. sitting infront of a computer for like 3-4 hours is so tiring. boss is away, so i gotta be in charge. even tiring. argh. but she needs the holiday. so i'm happy. tt's on one side, of cos. on the other side, memories can by. sheesh. i know i'm suppose to be over whatever i'm suppose to be over with. but it's hard. really hard.

moving along, i had a couple of email tt i remembered receiving about who the hell is my mrBear. hahaha.. on a general term, it's my version of mrRight. bear, becos i prefer my guy to be bear-like. give great hugs, u know. hahaha. used to have an excellent mrBear. and no, i wont put up a pic of us here. he's leaving, u know. sigh. it's not like before where he would leave for holiday. this time, he's leaving for good.

digressing now, i realise tt i have quite a no. of hits in a day. but i dun get comments or tags on my chatbox. somehow, do i have secret readers who constantly awaits for my entry? readers who are just so-kepo about me? or just readers who are so silent and reading my entries will give them an update.

tag me, for god's sake.

primmy

primmy

today, i had an interview. it went alright. not tt i'm keen on the job, but yea, the interest in advertising is there. so i was all prim and proper today. even did manicure.hee.. yes, the heels. so glad i do not meet anyone i know. it's not tt i'm ugly, i'm just not used to be seen wearing clothes that are like tt. hehe. made a stop at IMM before heading back. met some japanese men, who i must say, were pretty good looking. it's easy to know if they were jap or chinese. just by the way they speak english and the way they handle themselves. i just love japanese guys. the good looking ones of cos. oh, and not the footballers. they are so a turn-off. anyway, as i stood in the lift with these men, i was pretty noticeable. well, hallo! i'm like a tall tower and heels makes me like almost 1.8m. for a girl, tt's a shocker. haha. pretty much, these 2 men were conversing in japanese. hee... dammit, one of them was commenting on my height. haha. it shows tt my jap hasn't not gone to waste.hee..

anyway, life been mundane except for interviews and constant laughs at the shop. been maintaing Vj's baby well. it so feels like my old car. so yea, his baby is now my temporary baby. been taking care of it. hee.. but yea, it's quite a performance car, so it feels so good to speed. i mean, when u're so used to driving on the 3rd lane with a huge van, driving a car totally takes u to the next level. ok, i'm exggerating. shuddup,fiddy.


i met an old fren from SIM the other day. and horrors of all horros, he actually thot i was dating with one of the Mngs guys. my jaws dropped,lah! i was like wat? haha. i wont mention who. but it really surprised me. and i thot, we live in the 2000s where ppl are liberal enough to think. eh?

oh my gawd, i'm so in frills. hehe. i dunno why i have to say that. but i just had to.

oh, another wedding invitation in sept. now... who should i call to be my partner. hmmm....

oh, check out the right side of this blog. got news for exams results. hehe

not much

not much

there was a lot to blog about, but it feels like, i shouldnt bother. life been quite stagnant. so i dun wanna go to the part where u ppl start yawning again.

got the car last weekend. gonna have it til end of sept. everytime i drive tt car, it so reminise the times i used to have my old baby. sheesh.

another wedding invitation came. sigh. wassup with these frens of mine. are they just rubbing in to the fact tt i'm single yet, they are getting married and some are having kids? argh.

actually, been thinking alot of my old bear. he's leaving soon. this time, i dunno when he's coming back. i used to whine to syu how much it feels like we're in this whole denial world of keeping that one true love. haha. but now, we're so totally in different situations. i'm in a situation that i would never see him again. he doesnt even know when is the next time he'll be back in Sg. i know it takes one move, Fifi. but it's been years. he's a keeper. he's everything. and to know that he's leaving in less than a month's time, really hurts. sigh. but let bygones be bygones. i'm happy for him. we're gonna hang out one of these days. i hope. at least let me see him for a last time til dunno when.

saturday

saturday.

good morning all. it's surprising to see myself waking up at 10am today. well, it's because i'm waiting for the arrival of some new stocks. dammit. anyway, it's a nice morning.

Vj called yesterday to babysit his car. yippe. later on, i'll be handed over his car til end of Sept. my gawd. i so love the thought of actually owning one on my own. but of cos, it's not a necessity. so we'll wait when i get a great job to cover the expenses.

Oldskumz asked me out to suntec today. but i dunno if i'll be meeting them. got errands later on at night.argh.

anyway, nice day to all. i dunno why i'm so nice and everything in this entry. but hey, there's a touch of sarcasm in it.

dance with me

dance with me

for once since a long time, i felt satisfied. hee... sort of done with Syu's blog. OldSkumz' blog will still be pending cos i heard we're gonna discuss abt the items during this weekend fishing trip. have i ever mention, i find fishing a dumb sport? bleurgh... anyway, if anyone needs help with their blog and dun mind my amatuerish style of web-design, feel free to email me. it's a good practise.

resumes and applications are out to some of the prospective employers. we'll see how it goes. i mean, i'm not so on with the getting-a-job part. but yea, money is running low and i cant possibly work at the burger station forever. i need to cover bills and yadda yadda yadda.

i have been saying really pessimistic things these days. sheesh. i sound really like a pessimist. oh wait, maybe i am. well, life of a single. hahah... doesnt matter.

my gawd. i so miss Secret Recipe's cakes.

tagged?

Oh, so this is wat it means to be tagged.....sheesh. i'm so old school.


-Where do i live?
who is this "i" are we talking about? u or me?

-Latest addiction?
frills and marshmellow cushions

-Song that you're listening right now?
Ain't no sunshine by Bill Withers

- What are you doing right now?
Doing this blardy tagged thingy?

- Who was the last person you went out to eat with?
the JI-Batam-KL gang. (til we get a right name for these ppl, i will go on and call them tt.)

- If you were a toy, what would you be?
A carebear doll

- Where would you want to go on your honeymoon?
Bora-bora

-What's your ringtone?
Hips don't lie

- What do you think a toblerone is?
a brand of a chocolate

- What are you wearing right now?
t-shirt and running shorts

- Do you wear contacts?
yes.

- What was the best advice ever given to you?
"Passion is the priority of doing something."

- Can you drive?
Yea.

- What are your plans?
basically, give up on looking for Mr Bear, look for a job and take my parents to cruise.

- Favourite film
Crazy/Beautiful

- Do you like to dance?
Yea.

- Are you too shy to ask anyone out?
no. but apparently now, i am.

- Worst feeling in the world?
the feeling of being lost. lost in every aspects of life

- Worst sound?
an old nemesis' voice.

- What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
look for my geeky specs.

- Roller coaster, scary or exciting?
exciting.

- How many times do you let the phone ring before you answer it?
why is this even a qns?

- Is the glass half full or half empty?
wat glass?

- Your best physical feature?
my smile i think.

- Milk or white chocolate?
milk

- Day or night?
night

- Summer or winter?
Summer

- Cake or pie?
Cake

- Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds

- sunrise or sunset?
Sunset


- Have you ever broken a bone?
u mean my own body? no.

- You hate people who are?
liars. egoists.

- Do you believe in fighting?
yes, but i don't believe in warS. pls have tis as a question next time.

- What skill do you wish you had?
lip-reading.

- Where are your favourite place?
my room and tis playground i used to hide myself to cry.

- Who sent you last sms?
my boss aka my sister.

- Last sms you sent to?
bestie named Khai

- Last person you talk to on the phone?
Khai

- Person whom you chatted with last night?
Fifi.

- Last photos you took with friends?
Thanked God i don't have to say the damn trip. anyway, it was a close fren's wedding.


- Any plans of going out?
yes. u think i'm a zoo-person?

-What would you do after doing this bulletin?
grab bearbear and go to sleep.

- Last question: Your tag victims?
argh... this is hard. Dan, Dayah and Pamela?

ain't no sunshine

ain't no sunshine

sometimes, i feel so wrong on being me. really. but hey, i did said sometimes. other times, i love being me. well, tt sometimes are the times when i feel that i'm such a let down. seriously, bestie called to say that i'm the A+ friend for anyone who can actually love me for being me. but i rated myself a C- for being anyone's gf. serious. it just matters to me even though i would say i don't care. yes, i'm quite a bad ass in all aspects. i cant cook for nuts. i prefer sewing. i can't stay smoke-free. well, maybe i should add the word YET. i'm freaking over weight for my height. and hell no, i can't stay more than 3hours on heels.

but i'm done with tis whole dating game. seriously. i don't even know if i would get a date. sheesh. and i'm not even close to meet a so-called soulmate. sheesh.i try to accept my own flaws. really i do. like i said. "try....." i never look for perfection in myself. wat's the use? it just makes u feel more worst trying to be perfect.

my gawd. wat the hell am i ranting about in this early hours?

digressing

i hate it everytime they talk about tt damn freaking trip. i just wanna have my ear-muffs over my head. and if i still hear about it, i wanna stuff more cotton bud underneath tt ear-muffs. but no........they just have to go on and on and on... just like tt freaking Ariston song tt's stuck in your head. argh. but i don't hate anyone. i don't. i hate grudges. i hate memories that are meant to be forgotten. i hate looking at some things everyday, tt reminds u of things.

freak. i'm ok,really. i mean on the outside, i'm ok. i can live with reality. reality lives with me. but on the inside, i feel like i wanna scream. really loud. scream or shriek or watever girls usually do when they exhale a loud noise from their throat.

no, i'm not angry. i just confused by everything around me. really. it's like, when u know wat u want and in the end, u're not even near to getting it, u lose control and try to restrain urself.

my gawd. can anyone even understand wat i just wrote? pls, let this be my last blog entry tt's full of crap and emotional twirls.

oh, Happy birthday Singapore. As much as i hate the word meritocracy being used in our daily lives, u made me who i am now. and i appreciate tt.

the medium

the medium

as much as i love my present home, the cons of it just outweighs the pros of living here. sometimes, i feel like i'm suppose to be grateful with wat i have. a shelter and parents who ,sometimes, love me. but i hate it everytime they are not talking to each other. really. i hate it. it's like a whole new world everytime this so-called civil war starts. and the worst thing is that, i've suddenly become a medium for both to communicate. i mean, wat has over 30years of marriage taught them? nothin. don't these ppl remember wat is marriage about? yea of cos the downs are to happen. but for goodness sake, don't get your children involve. i grew up in my own war of family disputes. it's worst than living in the WW2, i assumed. why can't my parents be normal responsible adults? if i didnt grew up with a stable state of mind and the support of my siblings, i bet i've already fall into the category of young juveniles. argh.

digressing

been 2 days since i stayed home. finally i'm living my comfort zone for the day. finally, some part of the sun rays will touch my skin. vitamin D/E is definitely fantastic.

Lost for words

Lost for words.

the wedding dinner last night, brings back a twirl of different feelings. the feeling of missing school life, the feeling of anxiety and the feeling of lost, yet the feeling of receiving. Rafique had been a close fren to all of us in the gang. and for him to leaving the bachelor pad, we have the sense of happiness for him and his wife. As i made my presence in the event, i met a lot of the ppl i missed most since school stopped. my school frens were there. old frens were there and basically, made new frens. sigh.. it was an eventful event.like i said, Rafique himself is friendster network.

u know wat i missed most from SIM life? the part whereby, we would sms someone sharing the same class to chomp place for lecture. u will end up coming into the lecture hall with a lot of chomp places but empty seats. haha.

i guessed my SIM life is as meaningful as my JI life. the times of my life that i would not trade in for anything else.

Ellen

Ellen

i just love the Ellen Show. i do not know why, but it's so cool and fresh. haha. i was watching it this afternoon, and the PCD was the guest artist. they sang one song that is a hit already now. Stick With U. truthfully, tt was the first time i heard it. haha.. i just love the song so much. my gawd, i'm so old skool.

wedding dinner tomo night. i bet the bride and bridegroom are at the peak of "nervousness" right now. Congrats, u both. see u at the dinner.

i have not pick out wat to wear actually. hmm.. looks like last minute again.

back

back

my mum will scream if she sees my dreadful hair. but of cos, it's back to normal now. yippe. no more bad hair day. and perhaps no more streaks. hehe.

spent the day with Isk and this sat bridegroom for last minute shopping. me got myself UNO!!!! yippe!!! i've always wanted to own one new set since i've lost the old one. anyway, the day was spent well. yippe.

i did something good for Carpediem. hehe... they probably gonna play against budiman's PCG 's team.it'll be good practise! and yes, i'm very the kepo.

how am i these days? not so good. been feeling low and everything. put up happy faces in front of loved ones. yea, by right i'm happy. but sometimes, too many things remind u of so many bad things. like my pink watch for example. it's history, really. tt's why i'm in a need for a watch right now. gonna get that jelly-in-jelly edition from swatch. been wanting to own a swatch for a while now. other than that, i guess i'll be fine.

now i've got 2 more assignments for web designing. excellent. more extra cash for my back packing trip. yippe.

disaster

disaster

i thought 2 weeks ago, i had a bad hair-day. but i was wrong. my bad hair day was actually today. was gonna blonde back my streak, til some mishap happen. argh. now i look like a girl with a bad hairdresser. tt's it. i think i'm gonna go for the Britney look. all-black. haha... as if.

besides me having a new look, my blog has been renovated again for the August theme. i'm going for the peaceful and serendipity look. i know it's so not me. but yea, i've taken quite a toll lately, and now it's time for me to slack back and stay low. hope it will do me good. faith is something i used to believe so much in. i have so much faith in Him. He had brought me to this world and journeyed my life with me. my faith for Him will always be there. i know He has plans for me. we'll just keep a look out for that.

some frens around me are having troubles in their r/s too. whether it's frenship or bgr, i'm sure they will get thru it. being me who tends to be a listener for many, not really a great advisor. cos i know myself. who am i to advise when my own life is a mess. nevertheless, i still love u all.

digressing again, mum had tickets for the spectaculars last night. weird. one of the teachers gave her and she gave me. now... being super bias over this idol-mania thingy, wat makes she think that i would actually go for it? sheesh.

oh, by the way, i haven not mention that i'm on a one-week leave right? yup. since monday, all the way til this coming sunday. and wat have i been doing? besides than OldSkumz' Blog, i've been either slacking or sleeping. i guess i'm doing the routines of a normal heartbroken teenager.


<<<<>>>>>

An Extract from Syu's email.

SINGA
25 - 31 Januari
13 - 15 Mac
22 - 31 Mei
01 - 16 November

SINGA
Kamu memang dilahirkan sebagai pemimpin. Indivdiu di sekeliling mu sentiasa berasa selamat bila berdampingan dengan mu. Kamu juga memiliki ramai temandan berpewatakan menarik. Sikap peramah dan mesra yang sememangnya wujudsecara semula jadi dalam diri mu telah menarik ramai orang untuk bersahabat dengan mu, maka tidak hairanlah sekiranya kamu memiliki teman baru saban hari.


p.s: truthfully, i thought i was born with the Kucing characteristics. looks like i have the bapak kucing characteristic.