i'm in love......

with my new hp lah! haiyoh. my hp eh, best tau. i dunno why am i so hooked on it.

anyway, it's been a while since i blog. why? cos the pc was somehow "unavailable". sigh. but thanked god for this day, i'm able to sit down and blog, and apply all the jobs available. to tell u the truth, there are alot of jobs available. but the hiring the right candidate must be tough. sigh.

i was talking to Teddy about going back to school. somehow, i feel that i want to, but money is gonna be an issue. sigh. i gotta think of all the pros and cons before i just into any decisions. serious, the thought of going back to school has been lingering for a while now. and i bet, i will attract negative remarks from my family members if i talk about this.

eh-eh, hp baru ah...

finally.

a new hp. and yes, the one i've been eyeing. i know it was quite a planned impulse. like i said before, i'm suppose to save for that one thing to signifies my graduation. the dslr. but hey, the new hp is good enough to keep me happy for awhile. hehe. yea yea.. ade toy baru. and yes, i'm so not into Nokia anymore.

oh the day was great and tiring lah. helped my sis to set geylang bazaar. then i went out with erm.... hmmm... (let me figure out a special name for him first then we can talk about him in here.) . it was fun. truthfully i thought frens were just kidding when they say i'm competitive. erm.. turns out, i am. sigh. i'm sorry i beat u to pool. really. it's really unintentional.i used to train with Bbear and Arwahnya, then i stopped playing pool for awhile. i'm really an average player. really. haha.

oh, and feelings are out and i'm lost for words. yes, ladies and gentlemen, i'm lost for words. fiddy might have been beaten. sheesh. erm.... to be continued...

anyway, sometimes u feel that the others opinions matters. but wat really matters is the self opinion.but it's the others that usually influence a person to do something. whether it's good or bad. whether it's right or wrong.i had to add this in, cos i wanna enlighten some of u that, sometimes, u judge with yr heart closed. u can analyse a person thru his outlook, but u can never know a person if u dun ask or learn from the person. being a critic of others, except yourself, would probably make u a worst person that u think of the other one.

my life as a happy goober

i realised lately that i'm extremely smile-y whenever i'm with Oldskumz or the JIgang.it's like i enjoyed their company. i rarely see them and when i do, i feel happy. i guess tt's the usual self of mine when i enjoy great company.hehe

last night was a nice night-out with the JIgang. even though it was just over sup kambing isi (sup only for ijal,though), it was fun and fruitful. no bebual kosong. just pure feedbacks, jokes and realisation of things happening around, between and inside this group. if u have no idea wat i'm talking about, raise ur hands. haha. been a while since i had great conversation with my bestie. it was short when we could talk just between us, but it was enough. thanks eh. it helps, u know. i love him so much that sometimes i feel that his feedbacks means alot. and yesterday, it does. hehe. thanks eh.

i'll be returning the car soon next week. so gotta enjoy to the max. wow. it's amost 2 months, isn't it? well good things must come to end.it was a nice ride, but not a long-term for me. i'm so done and over with really low cars. haha.oooh.. can i get a Nissan Cabstar? haha.

yesterday, secrets were let out between me and some of my course mates from UOL. haha. it's just pure laughter when we find out about these secrets. sigh.... i miss those guys. gawd, i miss everything about school! aiyah......

oh, FYI, there's nothing going on between me and him, ok. so put a lid on it,ok? hehe.... okok.. maybe now there's nothing. but in the future, i dunno, ok? and yes, i learnt from my lesson with the previous on. i cant hope so much cos when u are raised high, u might just fall with yr heart broken when there's no one to catch u.

i just don't get it

i like to update mummy on my life. and basically because i'm rarely home cos of the other "one" is at home.somehow the other "one" messaged me on wat the job i'm keen on getting this thurs. and horrors of all horrors, she's like so concerned and everything and like gave me some remarks on my actions. i just don't get it. y are there always people who will try to bring u down? i mean, i made my decision. if i wanna be that, then let me be. i don't care wat u think. in fact, even if i have a high salary-based, u will definitely have no share. u already cause so much torment in MY family, and u have the cheek to conquer my space and now, u try to bring me down?

i grew up. i'm trying to fix my life back. too many things just happened this year and it's taken quite a toll on me. now that i'm trying to make my own decisions, just respect that please. my biggest worries is my parents. yes, my parents. whatever decision i make, is because i think of their future. did u ever think of them when u're laundering their money or when they were sick? i don't give a damn how mum or dad thinks of me. at least i thought and think of them. and you? have u ever thought on anything that u have contributed to this family? i'm angry. yes i am. there's no great reason for me to reason with u. i'm no longer that 12-year-old who u can push around anymore. if i wanna be policeman, i be a policeman. if i wanna go sky-diving, i go sky-diving!

argh.

oh yea, i'm not trying to be a policeman, by the way. most of u would know that i'm specifically biased towards the army and police. don't ask why. tt's just me.

moving on.....

i grew up in this dysfunctional family where favoritism is practiced. even though my parents denies anything of that sort, me and my sisters know. but being different from the rest, i tend to make my niche to prove myself otherwise. so basically, i would have constants advices coming from various members of this family. like i said before, i think independently now.i listen to advices, but doesn't mean, i take them. so watever.

argh.

another project is coming up. and boy am i excited. haha will let in the details soon.

i have this feeling that my hp number had been passed around. it sucks. i have this guy who called me, telling me that I wanna get to know HIM, instead of him getting to know me. and basically he said that i gave him my number thru friendster. and for God's sake, i can swear that i had never ever gave my hp number thru friendster, unless it's an old fren or a fren from various affiliations. if NEW frens from friendster, forget it. get to know me first at msn then we can use the old technology (telephone) to get to know each other. for one thing, i cant bear to change my hp number. i love this number. too many frens has them. all my job applications has them.

argh.

i just don't get why ppl like to put words into my mouth. no, i'm not in love. i have better things to worry about. no, i'm not attach. i was to de-tach to myself that i'm just trying to attach back every piece that is broken in me now. no, i'm not in love with your bf. pls ask your bf first before confronting me. the problem is you. u just dun trust him. if u dun trust him, leave him. get a dog or something for yourself. sheesh.

oh, someone said i'm an angry person in my blog. hmmm... hey, this is my blog. i can rant watever i wan. as long as i dun show my anger on the surface, i'm a happy person. this blog is for me to express my anger or any other feelings. sheesh. read the url!!! it's mine!!!!

if only i can get this one

someone ( a few,actually) asked me wat type of partner i would like.seriously, i'm always being misunderstood in any circumstances. with that aside, here are some pointers.

1. i am quite a book smart and a street smart. so i would like someone to be like that. i wanna have conversation with someone who can tell me how to pronounce Sharon Ariel and at the same time, able to relate to me with my interest in all the exquisite things like fmx, cameras (lomos, esp) and yadda yadda yadda.
2. i would like someone to actually know me first before telling me who he is. that is, he should put his ego aside first.
3. i'm an analyzer rather than a judge. so i would like someone to actually put in actions more than words. in other words, i'm all action, than a bragger.
4. i love hugs and lots of love. i do not need anyone to spend on me. but i would need someone big enough to wrap me around, instead of someone who got the money to buy me bears.
5. i would like someone who can accept my dreams and tahan my crappy self on bad days. seriously, i feel that a call means more than a sms that says "Hi." i just need a call a day, for asking of my well being.
6. of cos, at the same time i wanna pamper that someone too. i mean, i love to help and manja everyone around me. in fact, i feel that i can be a better gf than a fren. (hmph.)
7. lastly, i don't look for rich boys or even date boys who have tt rich look. (Why do u think i'm biased towards Hady M). i'm not all high-end or some girl who cant wait to leech. i just wan a normal person. i just wan to be with someone who can feel or relate to wat i had gone thru in life. and i gotta tell u, i went thru alot.

so like i told my bestie before, i wan someone who can reach BBear's benchmark. and tt's enough. i just wish u know how much tt would mean to me.

let me remind myself

i'm at the stage where i start applying for jobs with my resumes. and it's been years since i actually write down my full name. there are times when i would sign off as Fiddy, but of cos, i would notice. then i would change. this goes over and over again. haha

anyway,i've chatted with a fren recently about how i am always misunderstood. really. all the time. best comment came from a close good fren who thinks i grew up with alot of brothers, when for a fact that i have no brothers but 3 lovely sisters. worst comments coming from frens of an ex, who thinks i'm a high-end type of girl, snobbish and shows off with her watever she wear. seriously, i'm none of that. i know my financial status. i wasn't born with a silver spoon. i start to werk at an early age. i save money to buy things that i want, this includes my travelling costs. ppl who thinks i'm snobbish are not ppl i can relate to. i can click with almost anyone. i dun talk like i've got the world behind me. i know i'm smart, but i'm better at outwitting a person than blabbering real facts.

i think the worst situation of being misundertood is when i'm involve in relationships of being the "other woman". haha. for goodness sake, most of my close frens are guys. i know i may be single and available. but that doesnt mean, i would go for them. some frens are meant to be frens. i like to keep it that way. i like being in the guys-dominated environment because i can relate to them. similar interest and sensitivity. dun get me started on why i have this rift with having girl frens. cos, coming from me, all i can say is that, not all girls are good at being frens at all.

honestly, i believe that ppl should never judge others before themselves.being judgemental is a bad habit. it will live in your blood. seriously. look at yourself in the mirror first! who are u to judge me when i dun give a damn about your existence.

ok, i sounded angry there. haha.

i'm not angry. after when i went thru since the start of this year, i'm too tired to be angry more. dun u dare push my buttons. sheesh

the quirky situation

and so i went. hehe. it was hard to bring myself out really. i wasn't ready to be parting with this great fren. but. good things must come to the end. even though i was late, i managed to get some pictures. probably the last few ones with him. sadly, i wont be seeing him anytime soon after he leaves. in fact, he's not coming back for his graduation day. looks like, i wont be graduating with him. but hey, i'm happy for him for his planned out life in Canada. will just wish him all the best. as much as how the rest tried to create opportunity for us, it wont work, guys.wat is done is done. even though there wasn't any closure between us, i'm ok with the way things are. in a way, i know his life will be great and he will be happy. and i'm happy as ever. as much as i can say i'm sad, yes i am sad. but tt's life for u. u pick up the broken pieces and move on.

here are some pics at NYDC. hehe. i took time to edit before i post them.


I ordered a Herbie 53, but there was no VW on it. not even headlights. hehe...


They have these cuties at NYDC and u know how i feel abt cuties like these.heheh.



Move your mouse over this one.hehe

dilemma

bearbear is leaving. soon. end of this month. dilemma? why? cos the few of them are having a gathering for him tonight. i'm at loss. i know i'm so done with the got-over-him phase. but somehow, a part of me just do not wan to turn up tonight. because i'm never good at parting. maybe it's because it's him. i can say goodbye to anyone else, except him. i just cant do it. and man... i'm so not an actress. i cant act all happy for him. i mean, i'm happy for him to start a new life and everything in a whole new country.

and he doesnt seem to wan my presence tt much anyway.

oh, Shuddup.

happy birthday to BB aka Hairi.i know u 27, not 31. hehe. celebrated Bb's birthday at EC. i was late. but i didnt miss the cake ceremony and the awesome Osiris shoes present.hee... nice cake. love u guys. thanks for not forgetting me.

just when i thot no point having besties, got one bestie who had not forgotten me even though he has a gf. thanks. love u so much for bringing me into the Oldskumz family.hehe. anyway it's an awful feeling ,u know. to have best frens who are (were) single and when they got attach or married, they are really a self-proclaimed besties. sheesh. i wonder if i was like tt. but at least i keep in touch. u know who u r.

then met up with nafil and mon again. haha. and this other guy. lepak for awhile. haha. it seems tt my curfew is really way off limits. i need to restrain myself. haha. or maybe, not yet.

no luck on any job yet. but hey, i'm still trying hard. hehe.

my gawd, i'm still very much in love with the Fisheye No 2. Especially the one that comes with the color splash. i checked out the international price for the package with the Color splash and it cost like SGD$165. hmmm.. now i'm contemplating. cos i was keen on getting a SLR. no, not a DSLR cos i feel that that would be a bigger investment when i find a job. yes, a SLR. but the Fisheye look awesomely good. i guess it's best i go down to the Lomo society and check things out first. hmmm...

wat do u think? the Fisheye or a slr? think think think

oh, i wanna mention something. notice i have a webcounter by the side? well it's been there for like a long time since now it has 3000+ hits. the thing is, i realise that ppl are reading my blog. i dunno if it's the same group of ppl who are kepo-ing my life. but it feels weird cos everytime i step in, i can have like a difference of 10 hits. and no, i'm not so pathetic to keep on refreshing my page to show-off. so if u're a regular to this site, do drop a note or two. i like to have comments on anything. even if u really hate my guts or hates my blogskin, pls, go ahead and ramp my tag board. it's there for comments. not there for u to just read wat other say abt this. oh, pls, dun try to act like a stalker. i'm not some hot chick or smart blonde. so dun waste your time trying to be anonymous. sheesh.

off the curfew... for a while

last friday, went out with the few great frens i like to go out with, more often. checked out the 2nd best club in spore(first is MOS,for now...) Butter Factory. nice place, okok music. reminds me of Wu Bar (which had ceased and perhaps i was the last one to know). compare this to MOS, of cos, MOS is better. tt's why it's still no. 1. haha. then club hop to the infamous Momo with Nafil. quite a disintegration of group gangs down there. but hell yea, it was nice. and yes, i danced this time. haha. a side of me was unleashed. not that i love (with the capital L) clubbing, i just like the atmosphere of being able to enjoy for a few hours with no worries of problems. really. for me, it's just a few hours of unleashing some discomfort or formal behaviour. drink? oh no. maybe not for awhile. in fact, my 2005 resolution of staying away from those stuff , has not been broken. alhamdulillah. with nafil around, i would look out for him and he will look out for me. hee...

anyway, work has been tiring. as usual. sometimes i wonder why i still have frens who belittle my part-time occupation. seriously. example, a few nights ago, V came by with a shock face looking at me being sweaty and everything. then i asked him about his acting job and everything. and somehow, i feel that he was uncomfortable talking to me. sheesh. then i have some frens who used to like belittle my presence if i were to serve them. seriously, i dun take any of it to heart. somehow in fact, i feel that i'm much better than them. i'm werking somewhere where i like. i dun have a 9-5 hours to attend to. i can take smoke breaks any time (not that i would always lah!). and for blardy sake, i've got the qualifications, waiting for a job, i've got my licenses (which most of them cant be compare to me since i've got both), i can handle hardship well and for blardy sake (again), my commitment level at the moment is much lesser than most of u out there. argh.

another frustrating incident lately is that, my Kittywave has a flat tyre. so damn "sway" man. it's at woodlands now. i have to abandon it til maybe tomo, i'll get a new tyre. i just knew it. 2006 is probably a bad year afterall. i mean, eversince MFA (yes, they reviewed me and now rejected me) replied my email, everything else went wrong.

but of cos, i probably have not mention my interview at the govt body that called me. i think i mention this earlier last week. it went fine. got to know a couple of guys from the special units. haha. just hope i wont be of a higher rank than them if i ever get in. but of cos, they are afterall in the special unit that i can never be in, cos i'm a female (hmph). so anyway, the simulation testing for the positions went fine. just one more call from them for the last interview, then i'm in. but of cos, i'm prepared for the worst, since now my luck is so dark lately.argh.

here's something i've been trying to get. i dun mind for one of these for my upcoming birthday. hehe. and oh, i would like the warranty too. hehe.

this is an example of the pictures taken with this darling.

my frens

last sunday, i had a wedding dinner to attend to. and i was like so torn apart tt i didnt have anyone to go with. even my bestie Kug and her husband couldnt make it. in the end, i was pretty glad i didnt come with anyone. all my classmates in st margarets came. hehe. i was so happy to see them after so many years. most of them are either werking, studying or getting a job, like me. i wasn't surprised to see them being so dainty after so many years. as for me, i was still the same. very the rugged and outspoken among them.

these are the girls that shaped my life throughout my sec sch life. really. i was practically the only malay in this gang cos the rest are chinese. some of them used to be ah lian. but now, they are all over that phase. it's becos of them, my mandarin improved. even though i still have problems speaking the language, but my understanding of the language when spoken, is miraculous. haha. they love me for this fact cos they know i got guts and they wont dare speaking ill of me.

these are the same girls who taught me how to club at a young age. haha. no, they are not the reason why i picked up cigarettes. most of these girls and i go way back. it would go way back as we play truant, make teachers cry and still, be the apples in the eyes of our favorite teachers. the reunion was great. we were all glad that the wedding brought us together.

last night, i met my Mngs. half of them, i suppose. but it was fruitful. talked about what we planned for the future. hmm... i just hope mine is feasible. i'm glad most of us are gonna graduate together. only for those who had repeat modules, we're feel for them. anyway, i was told that he had an accident with his xr4. hmmm... outpatient at hospital but heard his bike is a mess. seriously, i would run and be there for him. but i can't. i may sound heartless, but it's time he picked up the broken pieces he made. if this is the only pain he feels, then so be it. i've been thru too much to have a re-run. i know he's stronger than this, so he'll be ok. nevertheless, may God bless him.

I was telling Bear about my seek for a start of a SLR. i remembered he was so crazed over it that when he bought his Eos 300 Rebel, he was taking for as his second priority.haha. then teh revolution of digital cameras came, he got one of those sleek Nikon digital cameras. he then put his slr aside. then when i mention the search for a slr, he decided to look for his dusty slr. haha. typical of him. i've decided to get a slr instead of a dslr. cos of the obvious. the dslr i wan is like $1,700. and for someone who is pathetically surviving on small pay for 2 weeks, i can only start saving. a slr, becos i wanna start small. learn the basics, print nice and acceptable pictures and learn. hehe. speaking of Bear,i'm glad i decided to let it go. seriously, i have frens who were in my shoes. i would advise them to move on, but without realising that i was in the exact situation. but it's been years. i dun wanna hang on to any hopes anymore. i wanna fall in love again. so God can arrange something for me,aight? hehe.

i've happy and less angry. and i'm glad.

it's still a bad year, but i'm trying to make the best out of it. no point if i were to keep on looking back to things that are not there anymore. memories can be good and bad. keep the good ones and trash the bad ones.

i need a present

ever since the exams results, i've been thinking. i need to reward myself. hehe... seriously, i like to keep things as momentos for the very significant changes in my life. like my O levels, i got myself a laptop. my A levels, i got my driving licence. and now.. hmm... no. i dun wan a watch or clothes, or jewellery. ew. tt i can easily lose.i'm thinking of saving for a camera. yea, a dlsr or a simple start of a normal slr. cool kan? anyway, my birthday is a couple months away. it's ok for me to buy something expensive to commemorate my achievement and me turning-a-year-old. hehe. i just taking pictures. the current digital camera is not that-fabulous. i want more. i want focused pictures. hehe.

maybe i need to save first or get a slr for a start first. cos the EOS 400D (Rebel) is probably quite expensive. slr are cheaper i suppose, cos it runs on films. hehe. sheesh. who am i to tech u about cameras. sheesh.

need 5 more hours of sleep

i remembered a few days ago, i had a Maserati interview. yes, Maserati. one of the elite cars to be owned in singapore. not that i was hoping for the job, but i went for the job interview just to see the cars live. haha. the point is, i love Maserati so much that i came up with a biase slogan.

If u want performance, u buy a performance car. If u want luxury, u buy a luxury car. If u want performance and luxury, u drive a Maserati.

sheesh. yes. i'm biased. but i know i'll never own a Maerati. even in my golden years. but hey, i'm allow to dream, right? hee..

anyway, work has been filled with politics. really. i hate it. i thot this life would be away from politics. i'm so wrong. but WATEVER. i never allow myself to judge anyone, not to mention the ppl at this place. so i dun see why ppl are judging me instead. argh. nevermind, i'll just do my work and just follow my sister's bidding at work. sheesh. politics. and i thot only MFA has it. haha.

eversince the results are out, i have yet to really celebrate. even the rest been wondering why am i silent about it. usually i'm like all out for it.well, i guess i got tired and cant be bothered. haha. no lah... i'm just busy. i cant even schedule my own schedule.

oh yesterday, i went out for the boy's game at Riverside Sec Woodlands Ring sec. apparently, some miscommunication happen and it was like, the boys waited at Riverside,but the opponents were at Woodlands Rings. haha. but things were rectified. i couldnt stay long cos my sis van brokedown. so i left the boys and voila. Draw lah. haha. the excuse came from PCG was the fact that their forward was as good as our defence. well, i wasn't there. but hey, a draw is good enough. haha.

so now, i'm waiting for thurs to come. ohhhhh.. i so need advice for this thursday!!!

"not bad" were her words.

my mum called earlier today to tell me that she's going out with her frens for something and dunno wat. so i thought, might as well tell her the 2 good news i've been holding to tell her personally. so yea. the first good news came and she said, not bad. haha. i'm not asking for much cos i knew tt would be her reaction. always expecting the best. i've lived my life and know wat's she's like. favoritism is her specialty. so when it comes to me, i should take "not bad" to be a great thing. cos if it were to come from my other sisters, she'll be jumping for joy or start making great fuss over it. but yea, i'm ok with her. so used to it. but somehow, i have sisters who thinks she practise favoritsm at me. erm... no. i dun think so. u are so wrong. if i have a say in tt home, perhaps the other being at home (now) wont be there.

the 2nd news came and the first thing she said was, "Government kan?". another expected reaction. haha. oh my. sometimes i wish she will shock me one day. maybe, ermmm.. "Oh anak ku. Pandai nya anak mummy." or maybe, "Takpe.Asal kan idah happy." haha. wat the hell.

anyway, i'm starting to feel abit on a luck streak. i dunno why. weird, really.

no more Ryan?

maybe i have this thing for guys named Ryan. hehe. anyway, i don't have cable so i dun get to see this show live. but since bestie isk started telling me about this show, i'm impressed. even hady mirza cant be compare to this. haa... but sadly, my fav Ryan Star is out. here's my fav video.

Ryan Star - Losing My Religion [encore] (Rockstar Supernova)

my fav is rocked out.

shiny stars

they say if u aimed for the moon, u fall onto the stars. and it's jolly well damn right for me. hee... i have this stupid glee on my face since 1hour ago. i was like so damn worried. but right now, the stars are shining as bright as i wanted them to be.

oh, and special thanks to all those who helped me with my projects (the programming, documents, testings and the nice and adorable ppl i had to study with. tak sia2 belajar sampai hantu datang kat NUS. i wish Pinky is here to share my joy. i miss u, Pinky. hope u're looking down at me with the same glee i have on now.

i actually wanted to blog about my temporary-car. it broke down on me last night and i had to have it fix. i bet it's the Curse of the Kittywave, whom i had been neglecting since the temp-car came. it's all fixed now and i dun think i wanna elaborate on tt. hehe.

damn. should have join Nafil at MOS now. argh. i bet he's shaking his ass now with all the mat reps and minah reps without me.